Lifee !

Growing up wasn't the best.

                                      5 to 10

               Misunderstood, No one thought things I done were right!

                      Parents split when I was 6

                        I stayed with my father

I'm only still here today because I wasn't old enough to know
not very well known, just me and my big brother
we went every where together, to scared to split up
almost like an army of ants under attack
He had my back, same as I had his
Growing up in the same spot felt almost as safe and could be
Until that day came, I moved away

Elementary school was such a pain
I still haven't made any friends
going each day was like entering the gate of hell
I was bullied as each day went by
each day felt like the coldest day of winter
no matter what it was
I wanted so much to go back to my home
and that is where I went, right back to my hometown
to live with my mother and her man to be

As I thought things couldn't not get worse, they did
school was worse than before, I was even more miserable
don't take me wrong, I love the space
my own of everything
wasn't even long after I realized
I'd rather a room of 12 people
than to be alone with my own privacy
the one thing that helped me live?
my old friend once known, to become the best
Megan Ashley Murphy

11 to 15
Junior high went better than expected
to many things have changed for me
My clothes showed my suffering, along with my actions
by the second year, I was hardly ever spoken to
it was me, not them
I wouldn't let anything close get to me as I would push it away
Besides Megan, she was the one who believed in me
she was the only true friend I ever had
my relations with my mother have gotten harder to understand
to hard to maintain, we fought over everything and like nothing the same

the next year rolled in, people started to notice who I was, and the change in me
I have grown to appreciate things, and became more well known
as much as a simply girl like me wanted
i haven't yet found my happy side
i just learned to hide what don't want to be shown
just around then, I started to find more out
just about who i really was!

That same year, the best friendship ended
Megan had turned around, she helped me though so much, I done the same to her
but in time, I made another friend
nothing like Megan, no one can replace the friendship we had
Nicole Morey wasn't just like Megan, But I loved her like a sister
She was the type people would judge, by her looks and not who she really was
but the two of us, thought sun and rain, we survived
But suddenly stopped
all that was dark and cold

14 to 15
I left, I packed went all the way back home yo
Junior year of High school started in a few days, I had to clean up
no chalk dust no quite rooms
almost as if being brand new meant something
it was amazing to view how well-adjusted ones become
Depressed and cold little me was ready to smile again
my mother spoke more and yelled less
a lot of what I wanted to do with my life to come
i told her lawyer, then that second it all seemed so perfectly clear
would it be any easier to figure myself out?
No. I wanted what I had just the way it was

Suddenly I saw, there he was
Matthew Walsh
The first boy i ever really loved with all that I ever was
my first real friend, since Megan
he made me laugh and things that were not even funny and never could be
he made me cry over things that were not worth crying over
every time things gotten so bad, he saved me
Then, I met the other half of who don't need to be known
but I loved him, I honestly really did
we enjoyed the times we spoke and cherished whats there
shared our crush walking down the street
and at that time, I no longer needed to be saved
But, of course, I was

it seemed so short, a week later, gone so fast
torn from the inside out, given to someone else other than me
who I became shown how I didn't dwell
I never moved on, neither did he
a little to long for who I am
At least I still had those I loved
nothing was guaranteed either
not long after, 8 months, it was all gone
I was torn and thrown out from everything
my friends, my soul, my life,   my heart
I remembered what I have said to myself before I left
about how things wouldn't ever be alike again
well, for one, I wasn't wrong

NOW
17 years off all that I have been through, I am still here today
i left living with my mother and went back to my father
things are not the same and wont be, but i seemed to have survived.
I have had so many heart breaks cause by those I let get close to me
spending night cold in the dark around my diary
thinking about all that I have use to have
but whats come to me now, I would never trade for anything else
what is it I have now ?
a lot more than what I have bargained for
I survived through everything

Today, I am fine I am living just how I want to
it possibly can be better, but there's nothing I really need now, for real?
I have friends who I love, Ive got my family who support me, and I have my love for who I tend to spend the rest of my life with
all that I have lost, I managed to get back
I don't need the life I use to have
I don't need the ego I have portrayed
it was all my mind over matter
I awoke one day, this is where I ended

asking? No!, I am not broken
I am mending as I am getting older
after midnight awake in my room, I don't cry
I have who i am and not a lawyer
I haven't not yet figured myself out, and I am not in any rush to
the funniest thing is, I don't want to no more
I have worked so hard the past 5 years
its not that I gave up because I haven't
my life just isn't empty

   <3

Author's Note

Not the best :P.