Addiction

This is about my current position on my dependency upon alcohol. I have realised the damage but I can not break out from where I am this poem represents these feelings.

Very little compares to they way it feels

So warm, so kind yet so cold, so destructive

It all feels so good, til you realise how much

It all feels so good, till you realise it’s up

Lighter than air, so ignorant, so relaxed

Deep sinking feelings, so aware, so tense

It doesn’t take much for these to occur

It takes so much more to see who you were

The spinning, the stumbling, the laughter, the ignoring

The crashing, the burning, the sickness, the morning

But the brains got the trigger fully loaded

But no matter what you do, you are out voted

I want to stop. I want to be free.

I want to continue. Being numb is being free.

I want to end. To start being me.

I want to have more. There’s nothing left of me.

Do I exist without this anymore?

Or too often have I knocked on heaven's door?

Do I dare try to cease this position?

Or do I continue with this addiction.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading x Any comments or suggestions are welcome xxxxxx

Reviews

[AliciaB]

This is a powerful expression of your feelings about this addiction. I applaud you on your courage in sharing this - it takes a lot of guts to put ourselves out there, and telling others about such an obviously painful part of your life requires even more. Some of the lines I find most compelling are "So warm, so kind yet so cold, so destructive" and "The spinning, the stumbling, the laughter, the ignoring / The crashing, the burning, the sickness, the morning" - especially with the structure of the second example, the words you use clearly express the ambiguous nature of your relationship with this addiction and the myriad of effects it has. The fourth stanza is also incredibly powerful - it expresses so clearly and openly the raging arguments I can imagine going on inside your head. Many of us, even those who don't undergo this intense of an experience, can relate to that feeling of being at war with yourself. Finally, the lines "Do I exist without this anymore? / Or too often have I knocked on heaven's door?" is very moving. It is an incredibly poignant expression of the deepest aspects of this dilemma - how it relates to your identity and your mortality. I am blown away by the simple yet profoundly emotional and thought-provoking nature of this piece. Know that I will be praying for you. Excellent, excellent work.

[Quinn]

That you so much for this review. It was difficult getting my emotions across in the poem but from what you have said I think I managed it. Thank you so, so much.

[AAB88]

This was amazing! I can relate.

[Quinn]

Thank you. I hope things are looking up for you.