Water

Water

The summer sun radiated through the cool, quiet room, the shadows of the trees from outside the window dancing on the walls. My brothers Tommy and Brice lay in their respective beds, backs turned against the walls on opposite sides of the bedroom. It wasn’t long before my mother excitedly burst into the room to wake Tommy. It was his 7th birthday.

I laughed to myself as Tommy sprung from his bed and ran about the room with overwhelming joy, eagerly anticipating what his big day would entail. Being that his birthday was dead in the middle of summer, he never really had the opportunity to have a bunch of his friends come over to celebrate, as most of them were away on vacation, so every year we’d have a small, family-oriented celebration. However, Tommy’s birthday celebration would be even smaller than usual this year, as none of our extended family members were able to join us due to the fact that most of them lived across the Atlantic Ocean, and airfares were remarkably higher than usual this summer.

This year, Tommy had decided that he wanted to spend the day at the WaterQuest water park, much to my mother and Brice’s dismay. Tommy still hadn’t learned the truth of the tragedy that had occurred at that park seven years ago, and my mother didn’t have it in her to tell him just yet, and she had forbade Brice from saying anything about it without her explicit permission first. I knew that neither her nor Brice wanted to go, but my mother loved Tommy more than anything and would do anything he asked. All Tommy knew was that WaterQuest was the best water park in town, and nothing was going to come in between him and the one hundred-foot slide that attracted so many water-park enthusiasts.

As soon as we had arrived at the water park and payed our entry fees, Tommy dashed to the back of the line for the one hundred-foot slide. I stood by Tommy in line as my mother and Brice headed over to the lounge chairs to get some sun. I kept glancing back at the two of them as Tommy and I advanced in line, and I couldn’t help but notice how distraught they looked, especially my mother. She was clearly agitated, and it seemed as though she couldn’t bear to look in the direction of where the lazy river was located. My gaze shifted over to Brice who, also appearing distraught, kept nervously glancing over at where Tommy and I stood in line. 

After a short while, while Tommy and I were about halfway to the front of the line, I observed my mother hurriedly saying something to Brice, which prompted him to walk swiftly over to the general area of the slide.

Confused as to what Brice was doing, Tommy called out from where we were standing in line, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Brice yelled back from where he stood. “I’m just keeping an eye on you since this will be your first time in water without your swim coach to help you.”

“That’s what Michael’s here for, Silly!” Tommy replied. He looked up at me and smiled. “Besides, there are plenty of lifeguards around!”

Right at that very moment, something had obviously deeply disturbed my brother Brice. A combination of confusion, solemness, and bewilderment swept over his face, and he turned and ran back towards the lounge chair area where our mother was still sitting. 

Tommy looked up at me again. “What was that all about?” he asked. 

I merely shrugged, although I knew exactly what had transpired.

I looked over to where my mother and Brice were, and I observed what appeared to be a distressed exchange. I could see Brice’s lip quivering as my mother raised her hand to her mouth in awe of whatever he had just told her, and they just stared at each blankly for what seemed like hours. Tommy and I were nearly at the top of the stairs to the slide when we saw Brice and my mother both hurriedly walking towards the pool where the slide emptied into. 

They were practically right below us when our mother cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled from the ground-level, “Tommy, I’m sorry, but as soon as you get down this slide, we have to go!”

Tommy, exasperated, yelled back from the top of the waiting area in the line for the slide, “But why?! We’ve only just got here!”

Her voice cracking, mother yelled back, “I’ll explain in the car. Just… Just please listen to me… We have to go.”

The car-ride home was eerily quiet. Tommy, clearly upset and confused, broke the silence. “Mother, I thought you said you’d explain why we had to leave so soon. I had only gotten to go down the slide once!”

Desperately trying to hold back tears, my mother glanced at Tommy in the rear-view mirror and softly inquired, “Tommy, what do you know about Michael?”

Brice, sitting in the front passenger seat, gulped hard and stared somberly out the window.

Tommy, frightened and puzzled, replied innocently, “What do you mean? He’s my big brother and your son, and he’s sitting right next to me!”

My mother, now gasping for air in between sobs, looked once more in the rear-view mirror into Tommy’s eyes and said, “Your brother has been dead for seven years now, Tommy. That is simply not possible.”

Tommy slowly turned towards me and screamed a most horrible scream, flailing his arms about and carrying on. Brice reached his hand back to try to calm him as he continued to scream in terror, and I dissipated into nothingness, into the void of a black oblivion where I could no longer hear my little brother Tommy’s screams, my mothers cries, and the fatal sound of metal against metal on a busy suburban road.

Reviews

[Bryan Webb]

This piece was very well wrote and had a lingering suspense to it until the very end. The ending completely took me off guard and I was not expecting Tommy to be the one who was dead. It left me guessing, even during the final line. I'm curious as to why it was "fatal sound of metal against metal." Was the family in a car accident after explain that Tommy was dead? Again, questions answered and questions raised, which is great for a short story like this. I commend you on a job well done and a story well executed. You may want to go back through at some point and just re-read over the story for any grammatical errors that may be present (None come to mind, but hey that's what revisions are for, right?) Again, great job, keep up the good work.