Reality Of Me

I'm sick pretending that I will ever be someone when I won't.

I just really, really hate myself. I’m so pathetic. I’m fat and ugly and a horrible person that no one will ever love.

I want to be better, I do. And I try so hard to be good enough for someone, anyone. But I’m not and that’s never going to change. You should see the way people look at  me. Oh God, you should see the way my mom used to look at me everyday when we left for school. I will never be good enough.

Sometimes I wonder why God doesn’t just kill me. I’m just a joke and it’s not funny anymore. Why can’t I just be happy? I have so much more than some people, yet I feel like I have nothing.

I don’t need anything. I just need somewhere to sit and  wait to die. But that would be too easy. I am so, so worthless. Please just let me die, so all of this can be over with. No one will miss me. They all have better lives, better friends, people that will help them when they need it.  Please.

Please, please, please.

Nick is right, no one likes me. Mom is right, I’m so mean. Dad is right, I’m moody and a chicken. Memere is right, I’m a little s**t. Kaylee is right, I can’t relate because I don’t know what loss is. Not really, I guess. I just pretend I know what it feels like. After all, I didn’t like Kayla. I can admit that, even if she’s dead.

I’ve finally stopped crying, but I’m going to post this anyway. Everything I’ve said is true, so what’s the point in lying?

Reviews

[Rose of Gondor]

Please don't think that! I like you! You seem like a very nice, neat person! You're just different, but that doesn't make you any less beautiful and lovely, and don't listen to anyone who says otherwise!

[Amanda]

I don't put stock in false hope anymore, sorry, but thanks for the review