The Swallow Gardens

A short story of a legend in the town of Rona during the night of halloween

It had not been long since Senna had moved into the town of Rona and was now getting very close to Halloween. The night before Halloween Senna was watching tv in the living room while waiting for her friend Carrol. She had almost given up but then the knock came. She opened the door and smiled to see her as she had planned to come a few days ago. Carrol smiled back with Senna's greeting and they went into the living room and sat on the floor. Senna Looked to Carrol and asked about the Swallow Gardens. Carrol then smiled and told the legend of the Swallow gardens that went like this:

"Since the founding of this town people have noticed that the swallows always gathered in one spot close to the time of Halloween. They soon came to make that spot the Swallow gardens, not just because of them gathering there but because of the plants that always seemed to bloom there even with us removing them year after year. They didn’t know why the Swallows gathered there as for a long time nothing happened, but one year a small child wondered in there on Halloween night on a dare while going trick or treating with his friends. His fiends only went so far into the gardens but claimed to see a white figure in the center of the gardens near the young boy before the swallows suddenly surrounded him and then vanished. The kids were so afraid that they ran home in pure fright and didn’t even bother to see if the boy was ok. The next morning the parents and kids went back to find no sign of the boy ever being there. No one has gone into the Swallow gardens on Halloween night since."

Senna was surprised of the story and yet it did creep her out, but her curiosity had gotten to her. The next night Senna and Carrol went out trick or treating like they always did but this time after going to the last house and heading home like they normally did, Senna took an alternate route home that went past the Swallow Gardens. She thought even though the legend sounded real that there was a chance she could go in there and check things out andnothing would happen. So she went into the gardens and to the center of where things had supposedly happened. Everything seemed normal until the wind picked up and she saw a glow in the corner of her eye. When she turned she saw it, a faint white figure to the edge of the trees, but before she could move Swallows surrounded her and she vanished without a sound. And because no one knew that she had gone there, no one ever found out that the Swallow Gardens had taken another Soul.

Author's Note

It was originally for a ghost story contest that required it for under 500 words

Reviews

[KeithKVH]

The link between Swallows Garden and actual swallows making you vanish was kinda neat. What I feel it's lacking is that everything that happens at the end was almost copy/paste from what happens in the legend, there's no real shocker or extra development to make you go "whoa". Other than that, there's a space missing between "and nothing" in paragraph 3 line 5, and "looked" is capitalized in paragraph 1 line 5. Good english and format, I dunno why but I don't see a lot of people who write in standard paragraphs online. My only guess is how people have complained to me that my writing gives them headaches.

[Suki Okido]

I get your point on the ending but my full thoughts were on the legend itself as that is the horror. And as for the spacing. thanks for letting me know i will fix that shortly. The paragraphs is what im use to writing for school and for fun and it helps me keep track of where i was at

[Kitalia Emme]

I like the concept, the name is actually one that suggests peace and tranquility, so it is a lovely contradiction. Well done.