I'd Like Some Air.

I just wanted to die, but you keep bringing me back.

“Lisa...” I whispered quietly as I fall slightly deeper into the darkness which filled my vision and tainted my body. Gut-wrenching jolts of my ever beating heart threaten to leave a gaping hole in my chest and I can no longer handle the pain of losing my light, yet still I try to hold onto that glimmer of hope which keeps out of view, always.

I'm finding it hard to cope now, the dirty darkness still clings to my every shaking bone. I continue to drown, ever deeper as the disgusting shadow swallows me whole. I try to find a voice in the darkness like a blind man tries to find his way by following the walls, and I'm not finding any salvation. Empty, or maybe just too full, my heart continues to linger on besides the loneliness.

I can't even listen to the soothing beat of my chest, the black cloud blocks out all sound while I let out blood-curdling scream after blood-curdling scream just to convince myself that I am still alive. Alive, yet having no evidence of such, is a fate only befitting of a Dusk; so what have I become?

Less time was spent that night atop the clock tower, beneath the setting sun then was fair. My last day, yet so tainted by an equally pale fate, lives on inside my hollow shell. I continue to plummet, slowly as my thoughts fade into the nothingness which has so bitterly been handed to me. Slowly, I try to breath in.

Attempting to keep calm in the face of destiny only serves a more sorrowful outcome; the more I contain my sadness the more I hurt. So I decide to sink as my lingering will melds with the ever-suffocating darkness around me.

It doesn't give me the relief of giving up for very long; I feel the distorted nature of the black haunt me even further, no longer holding back it's tainted energy. I can safely say that I would much rather be dead then have to go through dying, I just wish the last bit of my life would be snuffed out already, at least that way I would be given some peace.

Increasing in frustration, I yell out to the man who I knew was containing me in this hell "You want me to care about my life now? Fine, I guess I can satisfy you that much!"

"I can hear myself now? I guess I'm getting somewhere..." I speak to myself, savoring my own voice like it's the only thing keeping me tied to this existence. It certainly beats being deaf, by any stretch.

Out in my peripheral vision I finally see something that wasn't deathly murky, and while I was suspicious, the radiant glow gave me a jolt of hope; light started pouring it's life into me, making me whole. At rapid speed the darkness around me fade back to white and I was, at least, out of the frying pan.

The soothing voice I wake up to leaves me with only one feeling left in my mind, relief. And, momentarily afterwards, hope.

Author's Note

Something I wrote during the Summer Holidays, still probably my best piece of writing, which isn't saying much.

Reviews

[Annacate]

You do a good job of expressing impalpable (I think that's the word) emotions. I'll just write about my initial reaction. I'm kind of new at reviewing so I'm hoping I don't ever sound too critical because I wouldn't review this if I didn't think it was worth anything, and I do.
First, I wondered who Lisa was and why her name was whispered. I first thought it was the speaker saying it, but then I wondered if it was someone talking to someone named Lisa to get their attention. Next, I found it distracting to navigate the two different verb tenses that you switched back and forth. I wondered if this was a dream, or if it was something happening in a fantasy story. Then I thought it might be a metaphor for someone in a deep depression or "going through hell." I wasn't sure who the man was that was that was containing the person. Then I thought, "Well maybe this is a prologue to something and it's going to be explained later how this section fits in." It was very abstract.

[Superconge]

Thank you for the review! I can say that this was originally supposed to be a prologue to a bigger story, but I had lost interest after a while and couldn't bring myself to continue it. This tends to happen, so I rarely write anything more then 500 words. I wanted to write something which would better tell how I felt at the moment of writing, physically being trapped by depression in my choices and being unable to reach my loved ones because of that.