carelessness

It's funny when I put my glasses on the little things I see.,
The coffee grounds in the white porcelain sink, the uneven floor beneath my feet, that there's a spider web in the corner.
I usually only put them on to read, but lately I find that some of the daily details are lost without them.

My father passed away last week and I have been feeling the weight of his loss.
Not that we were the epitome of father/daughter closeness but still he was my father and the memories of home and family, of the things he did and didn't do are with me.

I feel quilt for my unrealistic expectations of him and sorrow that I didn't have a chance to thank him for all that he did do.

I got a new roll of paper towels at the store last night, they are sitting on my counter in the kitchen. I find myself amused as I use the first sheet of the roll thinking how easily I don a sheet in the beginning for the smallest reasons.
To wipe up a tiny spill that I could have used a wash cloth for.
To dry my hands which could easily be dried by a nearby towel.

Funny how things change when you get closer to the end. Perspective. How you analyze your choices when you have fewer left to use. How you begin to realize you only have so many left and maybe it is time to carefully contemplate the careless waste of
A sheet of paper towel.