Wow, you've hit the nail on the head here! Many will relate to the sentiments in this poem. You express anger, yet the easy flow and clever rhymes make the poem fun to read. I especially like "your numbers are lies, mine are the truth; Dodging your bullets, you're lacking couth." Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks for your reviews. Seems we both release through our poetry. I can so much relate to this. If my husband released through poetry, I would suspect reading similar words.
Keep Releasing.. It's much healthier then holding it in.
I read this poem as well as "The Office". This one is much better, in my opinion.
Boy, there's lots of anger here. I'm not surprised. It seems like such a place would inspire those emotions. To get to the mechanics of the poem, though, I think you're a bit stiff. You're so formal, there's a rat-a-tat-tah, rat-a-tat-tah to your poem that drums over and over. You should try and break that up a bit. As an example, I'm going to take the audacity to rewrite the second verse. Now I'm not claiming this is perfect, and I'm sure if you spend some time on it you'll do much better, but I want you to see what I mean.
Coming in early, staying late;
Biting my lip, doing work that you hate;
Your numbers lies, mine the truth;
Dodging your bullets, you're lacking in couth
This is nothing so special, and I didn't change much, but it does break up the meter a bit. With some work you can make it much better than that! That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.
This is good material that lots of people will relate to. Very nice.
C.T. Bailey has authored a number of professional articles which have been published in various industry trade publications. He is also an award-winning and published writer of poetry, prose, and fic.. more..