Surrender

Surrender

 

Pathetic age -

empty, alone.

A single kiss

remains within -

so soon I'm gone.

 

My passions spent,

emotions cold -

a weary warmth

will tell my heart

your love withholds.

 

The absent touch

will take a toll,

no embers left,

no words console,

I’ve lost control.

 

Desire remains -

ardent, tender.

No vim, vigor!

To loneliness,

I surrender.

 

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

Don't remind me that I'm already there, Todd. But in truth, love can be rekindled, it just depends on how much effort you put into it. Relationships have to be worked at, or they just fade away into irrelevance.
Interesting that you're experimenting with form, minimalist lines, rhyme etc.
One crit - 4th line third verse, shouldn't that be 'consul=console'.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Todd, my friend,

My God! The realization of age and finiteness. Yes, we end. And it usually isn't pretty. My more cynical self says at these time that this is "intelligent design", because I think that with infinite power I could have come up with a better scheme. But that's just me. Totally irreverent.

Still, Todd, this is a very fine work. You capture the human condition with insightful understanding. The tragedy of the human condition is laid out painfully obvious in your work. This is what makes the piece so heart wrenching.

I find it interesting that you come to a conclusion that I've come to, too, i.e., that it's love (or "intimacy"), that we desire in the end. We are lonely. We must follow the greatest commandment, i.e., to "Love�with all thy heart, and with all thy soul"--you'll remember my slight edit (and expansion) of this biblical passage. I think you've nailed it here.

Your statement that this piece is "Not really meant to impress the masses with poetic genius" is nonsense. This is a very insightful piece. I am very impressed--not that I think I am a "poetic genius", of course.

Very nice work again, Todd. As I've said many times before, when you let your subject matter range to deep questions, your poetry shines, as it does here.

Very kind regards,

Rick

[[untitled]]

I'm impressed, seriously! So much rich emotion expressed in few words. It doesn't have to be elaborate or lengthy to inspire. Nice work.

[Constance]

I think we all fear the loss of passion in our lives. It keeps our blood flowing, makes every moment dreamlike in an almost childlike way... but romantic passion is not the only kind worth having. You know this.
Well expressed, though I don't understand why only a few lines are not capitalized at the beginning.
I can tell this just poured right out of your mind's longings, and that makes it great, whether it's complex or not. I love it.

[Tammy]

Nicely done!

[Brianna Brie]

Your author's note offers a wonderful peek into your sense of humor. This poem does lend the feeling of loneliness. After all I should know. One doesn't have to be single in order to be lonely. Those are days gone by. I am quite content now. Painstakingly worthwhile read.

[Michael Kerr]

todd i liked your peom but it was heart breaking to hear this about you. todd since i started writting here you been here with me. you been a teacher, a mentor, and a great friend. you've encouraged me and given me a torch to see within my darkness. you inspired me, gave me the hope ive needed. you told me you were proud to see what i was accomplishing what i had. no one has ever said that to me. you are wise and have always shared your wisdom with me. like the time i was heart broken when she left me, you were there, or what about the recant girl you talked to me about, or when ive asked you for advice and you gladly listened and responded. so todd if you need im here. and i want to impart some of my knowledge if i could. todd, in a relationship both people need to equally put in there efforts but if one is only trying you work at it, then its doomed to fail. but todd there is still hope, you are a good person and can do great things. so if you what to talk im always here.

your friend,
michael kerr

[Gandré]

This is a retrospective view of life, like people in their middle age like to think about it. I loved your chosen metaphors, always feeling that what you write is from the middle of your heart. Beautiful.

[HoorayForUnderdog]

The last line of your poem lingers with me. Your poem capture the angst of lonliness. Well done...

[JudyC]

Every word in this poem is essential. I like poems that speak volumes with an economy of words--such as this one! Sometimes the stuff we write is most effective when we're not trying to "impress", as you noted. Thanks for sharing this poem.