Letter To My Loser Ex Boyfriend

You still owe me money <333

Dear Ryan,

Today it has been a week since the last time we spoke.  I don’t know what I did to deserve this from you, your lying and your games.  I never thought words could hurt as bad as yours.  You were fully aware of what you were doing to me, and when I stood my ground you decided to leave.  

Without any rhyme or reason, no more texts or calls, no facetime, no see you after work, it’s gone, it’s over, because I stood my ground and stopped letting you control me.  

All I wanted was an apology and for you to follow through on your word, but I guess you know as well as everyone else that you don’t do either of those things.

I was your Amy and you were my Blake.  

I was so good to you and you never knew.  Not only when you burned me did it hurt but when you abused yourself it was worse.  When you would hurt yourself it would hurt me more.  All I ever wanted was for you to be okay, for you to have it all.

You are smart, but you are devious, you are all that is good and all that is bad mixed in a way that could be lethal, not to me of course (I can get away from you), but to yourself.  

You know this, you know you are wrong you know this life is terrible, you know how it hurts and you’re not ready to go.  You can tell me till you’re blue in the face that everything is okay and we are okay today, and tomorrow is a new day.  I could tell you day in and day out that we will make it out of here, and it will be okay, but I am the only one climbing the ladder and you’re the one that wants to stay.  

You say you want to leave and beat this dragon guarding the gate, but today I have accepted that this might be your fate.  

I can’t change your heart and the way it beats.  I can’t hold your hand or make sure you eat.  This is YOUR life and only you can control it.  When all I did was “anything for you” all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, but I couldn’t provide that for you and I am sorry that is true.  

You’re going to go back to her and you’ll do the same thing to her too.  She is home and she is “new” but not to me and not to you.  You said you wouldn’t get back with her but now we will see because yesterday you said “I don’t know what my plans are” but today I know they aren’t with me.  

That is okay, for you are no good.  You were my best friend and every day you’d call me to make sure I was okay.  I remember hearing your truck start over the phone when you would leave work, and that’s how I would know you were on your way home.  I can’t lie, it felt good that I was the first person you would call when you had the chance.  And I have to admit I miss the way you dance.  So awfully, no rhythm at all but you could always make me laugh when you would make up different lyrics to the songs (mostly singing about me).  

You said you never lied but that's not what I hear, anyway I don’t know what to believe but either way we are here.

I was your princess your doll but all that has gone away, because you’re too stubborn to admit what you did was fucked up and you can’t quit.

I miss our memories, our talks, and our laughs, I think about those times and wish I could go back.  But the day is new and we are not.  I miss you a hell of a lot and you can see it in my face when my mind drifts off back to our space, back to the days that weren’t long ago, the days we could laugh and smile.  The times you would look at the stars with me and I could tell you all their names, I swear you could look and see straight into my brain.  

God it’s sad I held you so close when I knew I couldn’t, nobody could ever replace what you held close the most.  The damage is done, there is no turning back.  The fire was once hot and bright but now just dull ash.  

You have taken the life from me, I wish you knew, but you never will.  

You say you pawned me off on him but you'll never know the way he cares and understands me. You'll never be able to say you knew me like he does.   

Now that she’s home, she claims she can see the damage you have done to her and the damage you have done to me, but I don’t believe it, to her you are new.  I know what it’s like to live in a cell where all you can think about is home.  All she could dream about was you, the man she left 4 months ago.  

You two will only go deeper into the darkness, everyone one can see that you are not good to her and you are not good to me.  

Where you are heading it’s sad and lonely, you think this is love, but I am sorry to tell you my love, you will never know what love is.

T.F.B.

Author's Note

The man who he claimed he pawned me off to I will write about soon

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[Stephen Tyler Overcash]

Know your land records