Having a Relationship with a Cigarette

 

 

With you

In you

I am yours

I am you

 

Oh, How I love the way

You cough

And my name comes out

 

At times

I can be too much

At times

I am never enough

 

God, How I love the way

You light my fire

For all the world to see

 

How I wish I could

Show the world your heart

From the time you breathe my air

That would make a great start

 

But you

Are not me

You use me

Until I wither away

And lie with the ashes

On the earth

 

I am yours

I am you

 

Oh God, How I love you

There are others in your life,

I'm sure

But each time you touch me

I know that I touch you, deeply

 Heart and soul

 

I want you

When you want me

               Need me

 

 What's so sad is

I'll be there for you

Even when you're gone

 

I am you

I will be you

 

There'll be others like you

Others like me

 And I'll touch them

      as you did me

 

As I wither

So will you

 

 

I want you

When you want me

               need me

 

Oh God,

    How I love the way

 I kill you

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

Wowza! This is one of the most fresh portrayals of relationships I have ever seen. It's such a creative idea. What a metaphor! I'm still a bit blown away. It was a little hard to get the right feel for the point of view at first, but I think using this title you should be fine. I'll have to take another look at this some other time. I don't have the right mindset to find anything you could change, because I can only focus on the good. Great job! I especially like the last line. You build up such lovely tension and then end with that.

[SM Davis]

unique display of the simbiotic relationship between the user and the used. nicely done.

[Pareidolia]

I love how pure and wonderful you make the simple action of smoking a cigarette be- until the very last line, which changes the ENTIRE mood of this piece. The shift was great- and the symbolism for a relationship was dead-on.

[Madana Dookieram]

oh this is very romantic - sweet. totally sweet. reminds me of my work. :)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Clever write making the cig a lover , and it does seem that way...
I liked the flow and words choice you used, as for the last line... a wake up call for smokers... very nice!

Chloe