The Reality

The Reality

A Story by Jeb
"

Eh, I was sitting around outside just thinking, and ended up writing this. Please enjoy.

"

        The rain fell, washing away the smell of blood that had taken over the field before. The man's eyes shot open as drops of water fell onto his face. He stared up into the sky, his mind trying to make sense of the current situation. Pain shot through his body as he tried to move. With his head pounding and his muscles aching, he decided to just lay there and try to remember what event brought him to this point. Suddenly, it all came crashing back into his mind.

 

        He was a marskman, marching with hundreds of men under a certain lord's (Whose name escaped him)  banner. The scouts had reported seeing a large force a mile away, marching in their direction. The lord, being reputable for keeping a calm demeanor in the face of danger, decided to wait on the hill they were currently on. This hill was covered with a dense forest and overlooked a grassy plain, where neither a tree nor rock were seen for miles. His plan was to wait until they entered the plain, then let the main force charge down into the fray while the archers stayed up top, raining down arrows from behind the trees. Sadly, it did not go as planned.

 

        Once the hostile forces entered the plain, hundreds of lightly-armoured and ill equipped soldiers ran down the hill, their swords raised to the skies. Following them, multiple knights went charging down the hill clumsily, their heavy plate armor and large, two-handed weapons weighing them down. As the battle raged on, things were going as planned. The man stood on the edge of the hill with the rest of his brothers and shot arrows into the ensuing chaos below.

 

        However, out of nowhere, a guttural scream pierced the usual sound of clashing steel. He turned around quickly, only to find his lord falling off of his steed, an arrowhead protruding from his chest. From the shadows of the trees emerged soldiers dressed in pitch black leather armor.

 

        The man took a few steps back, trying to keep as much distance from himself and this new threat as possible. After a few seconds of staring at each other, the blackened soldiers charged forward at the man and his fellow archers. The man only remembered running backwards and down the hill, towards the raging battle. The hell below consumed him, and after that everything went black.

 

        He shook his head, which only managed to make his pounding head hurt more, and begin the grueling process of trying to sit up. After a few minutes of grunting and grinding his teeth, he managed to get himself upright. The sight before him left him speechless and disgusted. The beautiful grassy plain that was there had been replaced by a gruesome, body-covered field of death. He could no longer see the grass. The stench of blood had been washed away, yet it lingered in the man's nostrils. That ensuing scent of blood and death would stay with him for the rest of his life, as would that haunting picture.

 

        A tear fell to the ground. His body went limp and he stared to the ground. This was it. Years of training, and obeying orders, only to be ended by one, quick battle. It was so stupid, he thought to himself. Marching to fight at the orders of one, single man. He was no more than a puppet, obeying his master's commands.

 

        He stood, taking in the final sight of the graveyard around him before starting to walk. He did not know where he would go, or what he would do. His only hope would be if someone came along searching for the two missing lords. The rain fell, hiding the tears that were let out as he walked away, leaving that god-forsaken place that had shattered his reality and left him with nothing.

© 2010 Jeb


Author's Note

Jeb
Criticism and tough reviews are welcome.

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Featured Review

I like that i'm not sure where this is going, because that means i'm drawn in - I'm curious. That means other readers likely will be. They'll read this and go, "Who is this man?" "What's he going to do now?" "Where does he come from?" I'm curious about him, about where this is going, about the story line - who will help him? He's injured. Will he live? - Bottom line: I have lots of questions. This is good. Giving it all away? Booor-ing.

I also like that it's vague for now, with detail - but make sure you give more later. Make sure we get a look at him - but don't be typical about it and just randomly describe him. Maybe have him look in a mirror, describe what he sees. Get creative. Don't give it all away, but give us something. If that makes sense.

I'm interested so far. ((: Feel free to RR any further chapters to this.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really enjoyed the way the story comes to a halt. A couple words I'd consider changing, just so it's not as repetitive, but other than that a pretty decent read.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I have not much to say, but focus on what Ghost had said because it is indeed true that questions do rummage through my mind like what was the war even about and yeah like where will this man of whom I do not know go? The world is not fully engulfed yet, but very accepted and entertaining. However, um, whatever you do, if you're going to introduce the man's features with a mirror, be sure he's looking in the mirror for a reason other than so the reader can get a view.

"As the battle raged on, things were going as planned."

This may be small, but I found this contradicting with the other one that said that things didn't go on as planned. I think this sentence could use some revising.

Otheriwse, it's good, vague, bloody, and if there's more I'll be happy to read more.

I thank you for sharing.

Posted 13 Years Ago


i like it

Posted 13 Years Ago


I like the not so obvious quality to this work!
Really great writing, the reader is interested from the very first line!
Excellent!
xx

Posted 13 Years Ago


I like it and that's all I have to say It was wonderful!

Posted 13 Years Ago


Nice story very extravigant

Posted 13 Years Ago


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J.M
An intriguing beginning and could easily be made in to a story. It leaves the reader with a lot of questions which is good. The ending is also particularly effective and dramatic. Nice work!

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is very deep and I like how this draws the reader in. Every line catches your eye and you end reading it all again to make sound more clear to you. I also think the beginning is very captivating it keeps the reader guessing to what has just happened. I love it!

Posted 13 Years Ago


I read this and a few of the reviews and I'm not sure what the other readers are on about, how is this confusing? Your ideas are presented clearly, the confusion of the character in the current situation is well laid out and the imagery is very good. A few minor problems with grammar and whatnot. alls this needs is a little polishing and it'd be incredibly well done. The sentence ' He shook his head, which only managed to make his pounding head hurt more' sounds a little ... clunky. The repetition of 'head' is what makes it so. Change it to something like 'He shook his head, which only managed to make the pounding hurt more'. To me that sounds a little better than the original line. On the actual story, this is a great and interesting read.

--Brasso

Posted 13 Years Ago


You have hooked the readr in. Curiosity always gets the better of the cat. People are always intrigued by what they do not know, and by keeping it vague you have encouraged their curiousity.
Your wording is good. It's simplistic yet it keeps with the character. You heave created a very nnice work.

- Dupree

Posted 13 Years Ago



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726 Views
13 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 25, 2010
Last Updated on June 26, 2010
Tags: War, Medieval, Knights

Author

Jeb
Jeb

Some Smelly Town, WV



About
If you want to know about me, then please send a message and ask me yourself. =) If I get a read request or review your work, then I WILL pick it apart piece by piece, analyzing everything. It is n.. more..


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