HARDEST DECISION

It was the hardest: 

to see and discover soul-continents

 in the eyes of the stars!

 To fall in love with a lost delusion

 with the usual frivolity,

 free of rice-talk and sincere telepathy:

 we could have been happy somewhere!

 Well-fenced prison walls,

 masked smiles concealed,

 masking on my face the ancient rejection!

 Wounds longing to heal,

 despite balmy words,

 they never heal!

That was the hardest:

 To stand before a class with outspread,

 armour-clad ideals,

 To make Truth confess while

 you were laughingly scolded

 in the name of moral judgment!

 Then on the vaults of eyes

 the sympathetic pearl-curtains

 of forgiveness seemed to gleam;

 Tears fell in ditches,

 the shores of mouth-crevices

 were now hard to usurp 

laughter, and sad resignation,

 in its pain, was cracked,

 and through the soul's amber veil,

 in pain, it began to sprawl! 

It was the hardest:

 To press on with a determination

 the hopeless love we knew rightly,

 while we both knew for certain:

 we did not yet know enough

 of each other's weaknesses,

 hidden secrets, and faults!

 A half-crazed child cheered

 my daily tearful face:

 the dreams of a prodigal fool!

 Weaving from the heart

 the affection that could only be his own! 

It was hardest of all:

 to stare with dumb cow-eyes

 At unfulfilled kisses,

 secret deceptions, twilight-eyes

 kiss-judgments In one heartbeat,

 as if he who had revealed

 her truths to you Had only lied for ever:

 each word of his was a sinful heart-break!

 - To backslide from platonic

 relations that never were,

 And begin again every blunder

 miscarried In immature youth!

 Yet to know that in thy self-clinging

 severity Thou hast

 surely redeemed by love!