Prisoners of feelings

He felt as if he had been hit on the head with an unfathomable force, and when he regained consciousness, another huge blow was delivered to his heart, which was bleeding from a thousand wounds. As if he were no longer in the difficult, shameful, disappointing reality, but rather in a temporary in-between place, where most passers-by only stay for a day or two and then wander on. - I'm breaking up with you, Balázs! - he said openly into her eyes. - But then... why...? Did I hurt you? Was I not good to you? Didn't I try to make you happy?! I do not understand! - he heard his naive, childish pleading sentences. He recognized the fact that they were far from appropriate for a responsible, well-mannered, philosophizing person in his forties who had graduated from several universities. They were more like the pleas of a small child who has just lost a surrogate mother. - Please don't be childish! There's nothing you can do to convince me to stay! We are both adults! It is possible to organize such a thing thoughtfully! �" all the words of the girlfriend revealed that she was actually trying to find out how much of a profit she would get because she got out of a relationship that was already doomed. - Now it was his turn to question his beloved with ruthless honesty. - I would say that when we met you were mysterious and mysterious, only later did you become totally boring! - his words both killed and burned in the complicated depths of the soul. He had known for a long time that he belonged to the camp of the exceptional lucky ones, whom most fantastic, modern women only use as trophies or springboards to achieve their own selfish or petty goals. The man thought about it and seemed to digest every word. He fought with his emotions and struggled at the same time. Her friend also knew this, and she could feel a small sense of satisfaction when she stated her own conviction. "Then... that was all..." she said after a long time. "There is nothing left that we once felt for each other..." My heart! Don't chatter! You can get divorced normally! - the woman felt as if she felt a little sorry for the kind-hearted, but at the same time somewhat unfortunate person in the world, with whom she maintained a relationship. Now, as if he himself had turned to consolation, he changed to a more peaceful tone. He left his bags on the made bed; she sat down and crossed her long, slender legs, as if she wanted to secretly provoke his ego. "As a matter of fact, I have someone!" He is very handsome and treats me well! You would definitely like it immediately if you could get out from behind your books and your owl nest once in a while for the sake of variety. Why don't you try to live a little like other normal people?! �" his words inflicted merciless wounds on Balázs's sensitive conscience. It often happened while they were together that the man was able to shed tears honestly and without pretense even in the most unexpected situations, and he did not understand at all those who said that a man is strictly forbidden to show his emotions. Or that he brought breakfast into the bedroom in the morning and watched with delight as the butter and jam marmalade left a stain on his beloved's face. - We'd be human, not robots, for heaven's sake! - he confessed. - Forgive me, but can't you hear yourself? So, forgive me, but you don't think I belong to the so-called in the company of normal people? - he asked back, and this time he tried to force a solid courage on himself. - Don't be hysterical and don't think that I will soften just because I see how much you are playing the sufferer for me here! Don't forget that I also went to your color theory, just like you! I know exactly all the ins and outs of manipulation. I tried to explain, if you had listened to my words, that you hadn't changed a single bit during our entire relationship, while I wanted to start my career or a moderately well-functioning, small-scale business.- Oh! I understand now! - he crossed his arms in front of him. "So you feel that I neglected you or didn't appreciate you enough to make your own plans and dreams come true?" That's right?! - he always winced from eye contact, even though this would be the primary basis of communication. - Yes... - he answered barely audible. - If you feel that way, then I am sincerely sorry for that! But I just don't understand why you stuck with this relationship if you were so driven by the desire for fulfillment? I can't get it! - he raised his eyes to the ceiling amidst heavy sighs. - Because I told myself that things would change with time! There will be one or two children, and while we become a regular family, we can fulfill ourselves a little! If you know what I mean? - now it seemed that the woman was in a position of superiority and looked down on her former friend from her own superior throne. - So you think it's my fault that we didn't have children? Or how we lived like this?! then why did you stick to this relationship if you were so driven by the desire for fulfillment? I can't get it! - he raised his eyes to the ceiling amidst heavy sighs. - Because I told myself that things would change with time! There will be one or two children, and while we become a regular family, we can fulfill ourselves a little! If you know what I mean? - now it seemed that the woman was in a position of superiority and looked down on her former friend from her own superior throne. - So you think it's my fault that we didn't have children? Or how we lived like this?! then why did you stick to this relationship if you were so driven by the desire for fulfillment? I can't get it! - he raised his eyes to the ceiling amidst heavy sighs. - Because I told myself that things would change with time! There will be one or two children, and while we become a regular family, we can fulfill ourselves a little! If you know what I mean? - now it seemed that the woman was in a position of superiority and looked down on her former friend from her own superior throne. - So you think it's my fault that we didn't have children? Or how we lived like this?! and while we become a regular family, we can fulfill ourselves a little! If you know what I mean? - now it seemed that the woman was in a position of superiority and looked down on her former friend from her own superior throne. - So you think it's my fault that we didn't have children? Or how we lived like this?! and while we become a regular family, we can fulfill ourselves a little! If you know what I mean? - now it seemed that the woman was in a position of superiority and looked down on her former friend from her own superior throne. - So you think it's my fault that we didn't have children? Or how we lived like this?!
- I did not say that! he grunted. "It's just that... why didn't you try to change..." she finally said what she should have said a long time ago, she was just afraid that he would reject her immediately because she wouldn't understand. "Sorry, I don't understand you!" You act like the changing weather! Sometimes you're soft, you could be buttered, and other times you're completely naked! You also know that I tried to change, but I explained a hundred times that I had to realize that the person you would have loved instead of me would not have been me anymore!- Oh, come on! That's just an empty excuse! You know that too! Just admit that you're totally fed up with life and that's why you're freaking out! - he crossed his arms in front of him. - Maybe you're right... - he thought for a minute. - So what happens now…? she looked at him in despair. "I'm going to gather some of my things and move in with my girlfriend for a while!" I'd like to give both of us time to think things through a bit more. �" Which, in the language of flowers, means that you're going back to your new boyfriend! - he remarked with bitter cynicism. - If you want to know... it's possible! - If you feel that way, I won't hold you back... - he went out into the kitchen, so that he could at least preserve his humiliated dignity so much that his girlfriend couldn't see him crying bitterly. he could hear his partner jumping and silently crying when he moved away from her. From then on, the man spent most of his days grinding between quiet, gloomy despair and anxious loneliness. He went to work, to see if work would help clear his head, and at least until then he would consciously occupy himself. yourself with something but his colleagues also all knew that something could be broken in the depths of his soul. Within just a few months, he first lost his sick grandmother and then his worried mother. His ex-girlfriend came alone to the funeral with a bunch of white flowers. When the farewell was said and everyone expressed their condolences to the visibly emaciated and broken man, who looked extremely lost and vulnerable, she approached him cautiously and hugged him: - Honey! I don't even know what to say? I am truly sorry... - although the woman also shed heavy tears, because she was very good friends with the man's mother and grandmother. Now, though, he didn't seem to care if others saw him as weak or vulnerable. Balázs did not ask where his ex-girlfriend left her new boyfriend. True, it would not have been appropriate in this situation. "I've already lost everyone..." a soft, painful sigh left the man's mouth. As when those who are really close to a person already know for sure, if they don't take care of their loved ones, another tragedy may follow. "I'll stay here by your side, my dear..." he whispered, then put his arms around her and took her home in his own car, since the man didn't have a driver's license. On the way, unexpectedly, as if a secret a gate or a window would have opened, Balázs confessed his own struggling emotions more and more. He told me that even at the age of thirty, he was truly terrified of his hair-splitting, murderously arrogant father, who always slapped him every time a job interview ended unsuccessfully. How he didn't dare to visit his grandmother, who trusted him and expected that her only grandson would finally be able to stand on his own feet in life, then he tried to commit suicide. And finally he got to the most important thing, when the car slowed down in front of his apartment. "I'm so sorry that if you felt that I couldn't appreciate you..." anxious, strangling crying spasms shook him. .Later, three-quarters of the night was used to have meaningful and hearty conversations with each other. The woman also confessed her own life, and although she strove with all her soul to make him see her as a strong, determined, Karakan woman who could live on the back of the ice at any time, she still felt like she could get rid of the climbing weights once and for all. which he felt compelled to carry throughout his life. She broke up with her new boyfriend because she caught him