Sudden causes

If things were to happen

 to you so suddenly that

 the oxygen supply to your

 calcified and diseased bones

 in the twilight blood tunnels stopped,

 what would you say

 to a world in a life-and-death

 struggle, fighting only each other,

 if you were to die suddenly?

 What would I say?

 - I would tell you that

 many things thought

 small and insignificant 

In my earthly affairs

 I have made my blunders

 and mistakes with tons

 of scarlet sins,

 but I have tried as best

 I could in my soul

 and backbone to learn

 from them all!

 And, whatever

 my creative turn of mind,

 I have remained 

the herald and half-hearted

 pen-turner of this fateful age!

I would admit that what

 the life and slap in the face

 of existence, 

condemned to mortality,

 intended and determined

 for me as a direction

 of decision and guidelines

 with a Goddess of Fate-whistle,

 I alone committed 

and tolerated with obstinacy of will,

 only and exclusively myself,

 with incessant evil, or,

 if possible, with a cold head,

 considering the value-saving

 humility of good and noble things! 

The many innocent

 and unworthy accusations,

 which were crossly branded

 as spiritual wounds

 by those who knew better,

 were merely naive

 slanderous attacks on

 me by their envious

 and credulous consciousness!

I confess, inwardly:

 in the tiny beating beats

 of the secret pulsator

 I ached and ached cruelly,

 but it was not a state

 of paradisiacal grace:

 in the swampy world

 of self-pity, like a pitiful

 shipwrecked man,

 I was immersed in 

the hardships of everyday life!

In self-pity, the self-doubt

 of the believer in self-pity grumbled,

 and with scalpel-sharp

 critical judgment,

 sat in constant law over me,

 and shame and humiliated

 wound-stains were sown

 in the honest conscience

 of my fragile soul,

 to save the petty self,

 and because I showed

 myself unable to defend myself!