Alive

This was written in 2014.

There are so many people who claim to relate to what I say, yet so few people really understand what I actually mean.

There are so many people who like me, but there are not nearly enough who love me. 

They say "look alive" to help you survive this the harsh world we live in. So, I put on a convincing enough smile but no one ever knows what's really happening to me on the inside.

Because on the outside I seem proud, happy, alive even. But on the inside, in all reality I'm insecure, sad, broken, lonely, and 

my heart and soul are slowly eroding, dying within every second that passes. 

As every breath I take becomes increasingly harder to accomplish, rapidly my heart races as bits and pieces break away with every harsh look, word, and thought that punctures me.

This process goes on until I finally reach my breaking point and then there's no turning back.

You're probably looking at this reading it and wondering what compelled me to feel this way to have such awfully dark vibes you're probably thinking "Is she insane?" and my response would be simply..."people" that's my reason for being the way I am. 

People are harsh and cruel. The world is harsh and cruel. 

They like to bring others down. It amuses them as barbaric as it may sound, we are all part of a "three ring circus"

(as quoted by Richard Gere in "Chicago"). Labeled as underdogs, outcasts, clowns, freaks of nature, lab-rats, and misfits 

they find pleasure in our pain. They are the ones who drive us to insanity because they themselves are insane by seeking entertainment in one's flaws, failures, and mistakes. So next time don't judge me until you know my story, don't hate until you have a reason to, don't use the word "love" towards me unless you know for certain that you can do it with nothing less than sincerity, and don't ever tell me to live when I'm already dead. Because you're the one who dug my grave. If it's too late for me then it's definitely too late for you. Why try to be the hero when you're already the villain? Why try to be the reviver when you've already established that you're the killer? ALIVE is just a moment but DEAD is forever after...

Author's Note

I am not trying to be a professional author or anything of the sort, just sharing.