Suddenly

My roommate is in the shower and my best-friend just left and my door is shut. 

I don't know when it happened - after my friend left, ten minutes before that, a year ago -, but I'm suddenly alone. 

Suddenly. 

Even if being alone started before graduation, before college, before high school, it's sudden. 

I'm surrounded by books, music, paints, a keyboard, but it's as if I'm in a hotel room in a foreign country and the television is broken. 

I list everyone I love. It's not that short of a list. 

Alone. How sudden. 

It's not company I seek. 

I don't seek anything at all. 

Is this the same thing I did yesterday? Did I have a reason? I'd like a reason. I'm told reasons matter. I'm told they're always there, even if they're hidden. Who hides from who? I'm searching, I'm wandering, I'm standing completely still. 

It's all the same. Everything is the same. The world is a single color that I can't name. 

Yesterday, the sky must have been blue. 

How suddenly a simple fact has changed, when all the world has stayed the same. 

Tomorrow, I will find something purple.