The point of no return

A moment in time

The point of no return.

What an exciting place. To be standing on a precipice, a break of ground between the known and lived; the unknown and wild. The line behind which exists the mundane monotony and knowledge of things experience and repeated. Of cyclical thoughts, feelings and friends. The line in front of which lies freedom, experience and expression. Of things not done or planned. Of lessons not learnt and of the soft sharp fact that you do not know anything. The acknowledgement brings great release and calm. An overwhelming sea of gratitude and anticipation. The taste, the smell of it makes your whole body feel alive; sensitive to the slightest movement. You feel the sturdy growing ground beneath your feet, the wind caressing your check and your heart pound within your chest.

What happens when you find this point and keep going. You walk up to the line and stare at it, to comprehend and consider it. You stare at it with fierceness and wanting and it stares back at you with all of the things you have not yet become. Of the things you can only be if you sacrifice what's behind you and push yourself forward. Plunge yourself into the unknown, swim in the dark with no guide and trust only you to find it.

That’s where I am. Standing here and looking out, knowing that everything could change. Knowing what’s behind me so exactly and precisely, so comfortable and dull that it pushes me closer and closer to the edge. The rage and fascination build up a storm behind me until it becomes impossible to turn back. I cannot walk back, I cannot be that. I must go forward. It calls to me, this chance calls and sings in fierce whispers. Its so enchanting and engrossing, no way out but one. Follow me, you are all you need.

What’s beyond depends on what self you take with you. I decide to leave myself behind. She was who I needed to be but I don't need her any more. Never hold on to things too long, they sour in your presence and infect you. You become to overcome, and then you become the obstacle. Pain and depression spread like wildfire. Two selves as war. Who you were and who you will be. Who you are in this moment must be stitched and woven together from your two selves. No more fighting. Encompass your whole self with love and understanding. Become you, who you are because of who you’ve been and because of who you can be. You are a journey.

So there I stay and here I go, the blank slate walking on, one foot in front of the other, pieces of unnecessary self falling away and becoming lighter with each step. Left are memories and emotions that were us until not so long ago, and ahead there is only possibility.