The First Memoir Of An Imperfect Angel...

Her hair, as black as night,
And soft as silk…

Her voice, smooth and sweet,
Could make your heart flutter…

Just a peek, a sudden glance,
You’d melt like butter…

She pretended to love so well,
If she ever was in-love…
No one could really tell…

She was to him an angel,
Just not so perfect,
But quite the mixture,
Of heaven and hell...

Reviews

[William Liston]

This poem has arguably the greatest title I've ever read. Great choice. As for the poem itself, I really enjoyed reading it. I love how you weaved simplicity into this piece and enhanced the effect with an enthralling visual presentation, smooth line breaks, and excellent choices in punctuation. I also liked how the rhyme in this poem was very smooth; it didn't seem forced like many pieces I read on here, but rather, it just seemed to flow; it felt natural in other words.

If I may critique, I'd suggest getting rid of the ellipsis in the second-to-last line because it seems just to flow right into the last line. Because of the punctuation, I paused after that line, but since it leads straight into the last one, I don't think such a pause is necessary.

Also, I'd suggest using a different word instead of 'soft' in the third line. You already used that word in the second line, so it sounds unnecessarily repetitive. I'd use the word 'sweet' or some other simple word.

That's all I have to say. I felt like you did a fantastic job on this piece, and it was such a delight to read. Great work.

-William Liston

[T. Edana Talbott]

Thank you so much for the constructive comment! Your suggestions sound great.

[William Liston]

Thanks for taking the advice. I usually don't give criticism unless I know it is welcomed, but this was an exception. I think you need to re-adjust the picture. The words are on the side of it.

[T. Edana Talbott]

Oh gosh, thank you. I hate it when that happens haha