Hell In My Head

 

Send me your regards, I think I’ll need them,

What I wouldn’t give to take a trip to Never-land,
Just to get away from my own head,

Hush your voice and hear the haunted whispers,
Of all my old and used to be friends.

There’s a vast distance,
Between me and the rest,
Give my family my best,
I’m no longer resisting. 

There’s nothing left for me to do, honestly,
There’s not much I want to do,
I’d sleep forever if I could choose.

The candy is no longer sweet to me,
The smiles always fade, eventually. 
The only thing that touches my heart,
Is the very thing that tears me apart. 

So much regret chokes my throat,
All this guilt and self-loathing,
Has sunk my being like a boat. 

I’d be free of this if I were gone,
The creature grasping at my brain and heart,
Tells me bleeding dry in the night,
Wouldn’t be so wrong.

But now I’ve got some loose ends to burn,
I hope the love I leave behind,
Will believe my lies, when I walk away,
Swearing I’m more than fine. 

But when I’m far enough, I’ll scream ‘til I’ve lost my breath,
I’ll carve their names ‘till I bleed to death,
And then they’ll understand,
I was more than “depressed”.

But before I can make it that far,
I’ll wake up and ache for their fragile hearts.

I can pour my life away, but I can’t leave them that way,
So I’ll force a smile and face another day.

If only all of you could see, 
How much help I truly need. 

I’ve lost my hope, I’m just a joke,
I can barely look you in the face. 

I want to run away, to just escape,
My mind is such a hellish place.

I love you all, but I hate myself,
I need so much more,
Than psychiatric help.

Author's Note

"Inner Demons"

One of my biggest inner demons is my depression and the self-hate and suicidal tendencies that come along with it.


3/30/2016

Reviews

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Damn, I felt your pain all the way. It is so descriptive. A few years ago, I went to a depressive episode and like you said " candy is no longer sweet" that is how I felt everything lost its pleasure. Blessings, N.

[T. Edana Talbott]

Thank you for your understanding and your review, N. I very much appreciate it.

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Nah, Thank you for sharing our most inner thought for us to read and understand. N.