BULIMIC TIDE 1995.

A GIRL IN HOSPITAL IN EDINBURGH IN 1995 WITH BULIMIA

Kirsteen closed the door
of the toilet
and puked in the bowl,

voices outside the cubicle,

patients to and fro,
hospital cleaners
or domestics wanting to clean,

she knelt over the bowl
fingers down her throat,

someone in the next cubicle said
whit ur ye daein'?

Kirsteen said nothing,
her throat was sore,
her eyes watery,
her tongue acidy,

ur ye nae weel?
the voice said,

O, shut yer gob,
Kirsteen said,
fingers by her mouth,
eyes peering at the divide,
min' yer business,

the voice said nothing more,
a chain went
and a flush
and the door opened
and feet walked away,

Kirsteen sat on her haunches,
held the bowl,
dribble on her fingers
and sick in the bowl rose,

an image of her mother
seemed over her
thin shoulder,
ur ye bein' boak again?
her mother's voice said,

Kirsteen stared
at the facing wall,
the top was white
with a silvery handle,

she gazed at her,
her mother's face
appeared opposite,
thin drawn,
I'll tan yer backside
if ye boak again
her mother said,

smells rose,
Kirsteen puked
in the bowl once more,

a voice came
and banged on the door,

Kirsteen open up,
it's Nurse Kerr,
ur ye makin' yerself
boak again?

nae, aam nae,
Kirsteen said,

a darkness came,
a swallowing up
inside her head.