ANOTHER SILENCE 1971

A YOUTH IN AN ABBEY IN 1971 HAUNTED BY A WOMAN

There was the silence
unlike any other silence
the church seemed to keep
the world at bay,

ego autem steti
in tenebris,

the darkness around me,

the Austrian monk limped
the aisle between choir stalls
head lowered,

nothing is so strong
as gentleness nothing
so gentle as real strength
Francis de Sales said,

Dom Joseph(dear Bunny)
spoke of God's nearness
even to those who assumed
He didn't exist,

I swept the refectory
with the big broom thinking
of the Crucified above
the abbot's table
how His arms were in line
to each corner,

holiness consists simply
in doing God's will
and being just what
God wants us to be
said Therese,

Hugh thin-lipped eyed me
as I chanted the Latin words
just behind him learning
the phrasing trying to get
it spot on but failing,

the old monk lay abed
breathing his near last
rosary hanging between
fingers aged and thin,

Leo stood by the bell rope
shaking hands before
his farewell to Rome
tall and thin I shook his hand
as did others,

Dieu nous tient près
the French monk said,

close to God  is all we wanted
or so we thought,
she brought me coffee
after hot sex standing there
in her nakedness
hotness seeping
from the cup,

the bell tower stood out
in the moonlight
like God's finger
pointing skyward,

such silence can haunt
can disturb
can bring memories
these I had as bruises,

for a truly religious man
nothing is tragic Gareth said
quoting Wittgenstein,

she licked me clean
offering her wine
and I sipped and we shared,

God is close the monk said
pouring black coffee
and He cared.