Depression

Natalie Nguyen tells you a story of her experience with a friend, Mai Le in depression.

Depression

Why do you think people suicide? I always wonder that. I can't seem to understand why no matter how many times I think. All I know is that it just starts off with depression. I could never imagine what depression did to people to convince them to commit suicide. I started wondering about depression & suicide ever since that day. That day that girl, Mai Le, commited suicide.

"Hey Natalie!" I turned around the moment I heard someone called me. "Good morning, Steve" I said. We started talking about what we did on the weekend. Suddenly, I bumped into something really hard. "Oh, sorry" a voice apologized. I looked up to see a classmate, Mai Le. "Oh, it's-" I stopped because she started to ressume walking. It was an awkward silence between me and Steve now. "You know, I heard a rumor about that girl, Mai" Steve suddenly said. I could care less about rumors but, I didn't know what else to talk about. "What about her?" I asked, to keep the conversation going. "I heard that she has a crush on that old PE teacher, Mr. Knight" Steve said. "It's kind of weird to have a crush on such an old man". I stared at Steve blankly, trying to absorb what he just said. Abruptly, there was a RING!!

 

I said "See you" to Steve and started walking to my homeroom class. The teacher started talking about 8th grade Graduation that was coming up this May. I couldn't believe that time was moving so fast, but I didn't know that other people's time will stop. During PE, I saw Mr. Knight and started wondering if the rumor was really true. Mai was Mr. Knight's T.A. during 2nd period. Why would she pick him out of all the other teachers? Plus, why didn't she want to be in an elective? However, it could be that she didn't want to stay in a classroom and wanted fresh air. I was kicked back to Earth when I noticed that everyone started getting up to run a lap. While running passed Mr. Knight's class, I saw Mai looking at Mr. Knight with an expression I've never see before.

Maybe I was thinking too much into it. Surely, Mai Le, a very bright & quiet classmate, wouldn't have a crush on such an old and unattractive teacher! I wasn't sure if I should believe the rumor until I started talking to her. It was such a random day when I approached her. "Hey Mai" I greeted, waving my hand. She stared at me for a few seconds. Maybe I shouldn't have randomly walked up to her in Science class. "Hi" she greeted back, in a small voice. I was quickly taken back from her response. I felt happy and surprised at the same time. Then, I wasn't sure of what to say. There was an awkward silence. "How's life?" I asked her, desperate for a conversation. She paused, looked at me in the eye, and answered, "Miserable". My mind went blank for a second. Was she just kidding or was she telling me the truth? Surely, her life can't be that miserable. She's like the top student in almost every class. I really wasn't sure what to say this time. Instead, I asked her if the rumor about her and Mr. Knight was true. Once again, she paused to think. "Yeah, it's true", she answered.

I wondered if she was telling the truth as I laid on my bed before going to sleep. Would she lie to me because we don't know each other very well? Would she lie to me to hide the truth? Rumors had it that Mai never tells lies, even to unfamiliar classmates. Are the rumors true, though? Thoughts like these make my head hurt. I decided to forget about her to save the trouble. However, I ended up regretting that later. The next morning, she said "Good morning" to me while passing periods. Even though I was super suprised, I kept my cool and said "Good morning" to her back. She walked away with her long ponytail swinging behind her back. That was the last time I talked to her until a month later.

"Hey Mai", I said to her, during passing period. She looked up, put on a smile, and said "Hi". Even though she smiled at me, it looked like she had a hard time putting on a smile. I decided to talk to her at lunch. She was sitting under a cherry blossom tree. Maybe it wasn't a very good idea because she seemed surprised that I would talk to her today out of any other days. "Oh, hi", Mai said, trying to put on a smile again. I wonder if I did something to her or someone did something to her. I gathered up my courage to ask her what was wrong. She looked at me strangely, and asked "You mean you didn't hear the rumors?"

Even though I was quite popular, I didn't really pay attention to rumors. For one reason, they're usually fake, this time, it sounded like a rumor about Mai was true. "No... What's the rumor?" I asked her. Mai bit her lips for some reason. Maybe she wanted to stop herself from crying or wasn't sure to tell me. "You don't have to tell me" I told her. Mai looked up, but this time it looked like she had an easier time smiling. "It's okay." She said but then, she paused. It seemed like forever for her to find the right words to tell me. Finally, she said, "There's a rumor that I'm in love with Mr. Knight".

I wasn't sure if that meant that she really is in love with Mr. Knight or not. "But it's just a rumor, right?" I asked her. Mai started biting her lips again. "But it's true..." she said, her eyes getting red. It was the first time I saw Mai crying. She was crying quietly as cherry blossoms were falling down from the trees. "Almost everyone in this school heard about the rumor..." Mai said. "It caused a lot of trouble to Mr. Knight..." I wasn't sure what to say now. Especially with what just told me. It seemed almost like a bad nightmare but, everything was real. How could it be a nightmare?

"What do you mean?" I asked Mai, desparate for her to keep talking so it wouldn't seem like I wasn't listening. Mai sniffed, and said "Mr. Knight moved me to an elective class so, I w-wouldn't..." she started crying harder now. I was paralzed in shock. I forced myself to put an arm around her shoulder. She seem to have calm down but, she was still crying. For the first time in my life, I was really scared that a person might break from a broken heart.

I didn't talk to her until a week later after that incident. "Hi Mai, how are you doing?" I asked her. She seemed to be in a dazed because she was staring at the ground while she was walking and didn't hear me. "Well, she's rude like always" Steve said. I don't believe that she was being rude, though. She was still upset about Mr. Knight. In Science class, I tried to talk to her but, Mr. Smith, the science teacher, called her over to talk to him about something. "Look, Mai's in trouble", the person next to me said. Was she in trouble? A smart student like her wouldn't get in trouble. Suddenly, I heard yelling. "Come back here!" I heard Mr. Smith yelled. By the time I turned around, Mai was already out the door. That was the first time I saw Mai disobey a teacher.

I tried talking to her at lunch. She didn't tell me how she was feeling or telling me extra details. She also avoided eye contact with me. She answered my questions, though but with very little detail. "Here, keep it", Mai said while handing me a pencil that has cute heart designs. "Oh... Thanks", I thanked. It was weird for her to give me something even though it wasn't my birthday. Maybe she's just trying to thank me for talking to her? She doesn't talk to anybody at lunch. Suddenly, I noticed something I've never noticed before. "Mai, have you gotten thinner?" I asked her. Mai took a while to answer. "... No, why?" she asked. "Well, you look... thinner", I told her. "What are you talking about? I have a lot of fat in my body" she replied, laughing and showing her arm. But, was that a real smile? Was she forcing herself to laugh?

After that, Mai disappeared from school. I wish I knew what was going on with her. If I did know, then maybe I would have helped her. One day, I saw her hanging out with some gangsters while shopping. "Mai!" I exclaimed. Mai turned around and saw me, but she turned away. Then, Mai and the gangsters walked away. I couldn't believe my eyes. What was going on with her? She was always the best student in the school. That was the last time I saw her. She never returned to school and never said "good bye" to me.

One day, Mr. Smith went up to me and asked me if Mai told me anything about what was happening at home. I told him that I knew nothing. Then, Mr. Smith said that I should know about something. "Mai has commited suicide" was the only thing that rang into my head. My mind went blank. I couldn't believe what I just heard. "She had a lot of trouble at home, Mr. Knight, rumors, and her grades started slipping. So, I guess she couldn't handle it and commited suicide" Mr. Smith explained. "Why?!" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I couldn't understand why she would end her life. "She was in depression. A deep depression" Mr. Smith answered.

I was invited to Mai's funeral by Mr. Smith. He told me that I was Mai's "closest friend". I wonder if that's true? It was warm day at the funeral. Only a few people were invited: Mr. Smith, her parents, a few relatives, Mr. Knight, and me. I was the only kid there. During the funeral, I couldn't pay attention at all. All I could think about was Mai and why I didn't notice. Why couldn't I help her? I did noticed that she looked kind of sad but, I didn't know that it would lead to suicide. I thought it would wear off later. After the funeral was over, I asked Mr. Knight what he thought about Mai. "She was a lovely young lady, but our relationship is wrong", he said. "I never thought that she would end her life like this, though". I just looked at the ground. "She never caused me any trouble at all." Mr. Knight said. "I wish she could have..." but he never finished his thought.

"Mai was a very bright, conscientious, hard-working, and highly motivated student," Mr. Smith said. "I wish she could have talked to me about her problems." I looked at Mr. Smith and wonder if maybe he could have helped Mai. Would it prevent her from commiting suicide? Suddenly, Mr. Knight said "She would always ask me if she was annoying." We had a moment of silence. "Mai would always poke me," Mr. Knight continued, "Her way of trying to flirt with me was... cute". We had another moment of silence. "Mai always did all of her homework," Mr. Smith said. "She never complained and always worked hard on every one of her assignments." I wasn't sure of what to say. The teachers seemed to have good things to say about her but, I don't know her at all. "Even though I don't know her that well, she wasn't a bad person" I said, winging my way through. "I wish that I could have noticed what was going on with her, though". That was all I could think of to say.

That night, all I could think about was Mai. I couldn't believe that I would never see her face again. Why couldn't I help her? Why didn't I notice? What kind of friend am I? I did notice that she had a hard time smiling, though. She seemed to have lost weight somehow, too. I wonder why she gave me this pencil. I held up the pencil in the air, examining its' design. Suddenly, I recognized the pencil. I remembered a classmate asked Mai if she could keep the pencil, but Mai rejected and said "It's really special to me". People who plan to commit suicide give their important belongings away. I wonder if I meant anything to her. She did give me her special pencil to me or was she just in deep depression that she wasn't thinking? These thoughts kept running through my head.

After a few months of maturing, I finally understood why people commit suicide instead of asking for help. People who commit suicide is crying for help that cannot find help themselves. I guess Mai was like that. Mai wasn't probably thinking straight. Her path must have been clouded up and went through the wrong path. The days that went pass must have felt like years for her. No one could have felt the same as Mai. She got depressed over Mr. Knight, some trouble went up with her parents, her grades began to slip, and then, she ended her life because she couldn't handle it. If people were to tell her that she'll get over Mr. Knight, that might have made her feel misunderstood and the event was trivial to other people. It must have made her felt unimportant and horrible. Now, I know that depression should never be taken lightly no matter who the person is because it can lead to death.

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think I should improve on and anything else. Tell me any grammer mistakes or mispelling. I haven't wrote a story in a long time, so please forgive my horrible story.

Reviews

[Wildecat]

I think you did a fabulous job on this story. You asked the age old question why do people committ suicide?
I wish we had the answers maybe then we could save some more lives. Well done.