A Letter To My Parents

A confession, by a daughter with depression.

My dearest mom and dad, you're the best thing I ever had.

But there's something I didn't tell, your daughter is not well.

This heart of mine causes me pain, and this pain makes me go insane.

I only want to be the perfect daughter; I never thought it will end up a disaster.

 

In this situation I shouldn't be, after all the things you've given me.

But I just want you to know, I didn't want this to happen also.

So please try to understand, when this pain gets out of hand.

Because this heart could hurt a lot, that sometimes I think it's better to be shot.

 

My dearest mom and dad, never in my dreams I wanted you to be sad.

Because of that I'm afraid to tell the truth, that I'm not happy in my youth.

I know I have more than enough, but honestly living my life is tough.

Somehow it feels that its better if I'm not here, all will be perfect if I disappear.

 

I never intend to blame anyone; it's just that from myself I couldn't run.

I'm afraid that the longer I'll be like this; my life's direction will be amiss.

This kind of situation I'm afraid to address, fearing you'll also be depressed.

Maybe that's why I go on pretending, even though it feels like I'm dying.

 

My dearest mom and dad, please don't get mad.

But in the endless love you'd shown, I still feel all alone.

Even I don't get why your company, leads me more to misery.

Maybe because I'm so blessed, that's why I feel worthless.

 

Your love is always been enough for me, too much that I want to flee.

You're always there on my side, the reason why I want to hide.

Because the more love you have given, the more I feel like a burden.

No I am not complaining, it's just I feel like I am undeserving.

 

My dearest mom and dad, you must think I've gone mad.

But I am not being overdramatic, what I'm experiencing is really chaotic.

Every night before I sleep, I hug my pillow and weep.

You're right that the problem is with me, maybe that's why I'm also tired of being me.

 

God knows how I love you both, that's why making you happy is what I ought.

I wish I was better enough for you, and make you proud with everything I do.

But a failure will always be a failure, even my happiness I can't reassure.

It's not that I don't appreciate what I have, it is just I'm not worthy of your love.

 

My dearest mom and dad, just know that I really tried.

They said to make myself busy, so that I'll forget that I'm unhappy.

I tried my best to act like I'm okay, even though I feel grey.

I wonder if those feelings are concealed, could I be healed?

 

But I hope you know this illness is within me, it became a part of me.

I may be happy in the day, but in the night it may turn the other way.

So please don't act like you understand, then later on you'll demand.

Because the more you want something, the more I feel that I am nothing.

 

My dearest mom and dad, I'm sorry that in your problems I add.

If comprehending you couldn't get by, just know neither do I.

Even I couldn't explain, how my heart's in pain.

Because I wish I could know the way, out of this stormy day.

 

I made this letter not for saying good bye; it is expressing my heart's outcry.

This is not made as a suicidal note; this is to show that in order to live I fought.

It is not about the urge to cut my wrist; this is about my desire not to exist.

Actually I am afraid of dying, but I am also afraid of living.

 

Reviews

[Donna]

That was an amazing letter! You write beautifully! If this is true about you or someone else, I hope you/they got the help they need.

[yuhee]

Yes I feel you. Way back then I used to tell myself only if I didn't exist in this world. I liked your poem. My heart is wrenching.

[Kim Jimenez]

This poem pierced through my heart. it seems like it was made for my parents :'(