What Ifs

Ever wondered how it feels to get shot? Ofcourse people say it will hurt. But ever wondered what you really think.

I have thinking of ''only when it happens is when I will know''. I was a goody goody pink girl at the age of 4 but nothing never last long. I have been a corrupted mind as people say. Always bitter, sadistic and selfish. But my question is why care when it will just be forgotten? Why when they just care because other people do it? Thinking it as a course of action. Example, on tv you see a character crying, another comfortin. If that happeneed to a person of course you will comfort. A trait all people have. Only few realized. What if everything is too detailed? What if someone made this system of courses in which people think what they have been told or seen was right?

I am a 15 yrs old female as I write this. Everybody says that what they told me was right. I never believed unless I see it for myself. I have never trust the people in my class as friends. I am aware that they only use each other to survive. Survival of the fittest? I treat everyone bitterly since they have yet too see real fear. They don't really know what to feel and think.

I have a close uncle who knows me and I know him. When he died since his family only littled their care. I didn't cry. I stand and saw him in his coffin. Spiritually he's in a better place. Literally he just died and will not come back. Dumbstruck and positively all of him is asleep.
I had a lot of thoughts about it in everyway. Keeping myself in one thought will never give me understanding of others.

What if I asked what food you like? You answered something specific. Another answered any. What they don't know for specific is that eventually you will get tired of it. For any, it can be right and wrong. Right since you can eat almost anything. Wrong since your taste will change with what food you hate.

What if those who realized this are those who have worn nasks far too long like me. But my mask is a half. You only know haalf of my actual thoughts.

As far as you know this me is on a fragment of my own inner being.