Judgment Day

The taste of blood across my lips
Tongues of fallen heroes within an eclipse
Deemed unworthy of a heathen death
Beaten and stoned until the last breath

Buried and forgotten like a bad dream
The horrors left behind leave an unheard scream
The bloodstained sugar is all left behind
Like past works of literature, all combined

Fear is your enemy when you are scared
But the thing you are afraid of is easily fared
Look into the mirror, you will find the devil within
Living and squirming under your skin

The demon has been you, all along
I am the "priest", and I can't be wrong
Take my hand, I'll take you away
Kiss the world good-bye, it's Judgment Day.

Reviews

[Ophelia Dragonheart]

Have to agree with the previous assessments, though even without any editing it's a very striking and potent piece. I have to say, I love the imagery in this, as well as the air of finality (which I'm sure, considering the subject of the poem, was intentional). I've read several of your poems this morning, but this is the first one I've actually left a review on, and I have to say, reading your work is like feeding an addiction to a darker side of the world of words than most of us are used to visiting.

I am impressed, and hope to see much more like it!

[Carey Lenehan]

I liked this. Both the title and the poet's name drew me in and it didn't disappoint. Grady is right, there is a little tightening to do but if you read it allowed you'll find the flaws in the rhythm. Even without a re-edit, I like the flow and the drama. Very descriptive and evocative. Good stuff. XXC

[Grady McShane]

Striking piece. Bound to draw a reaction from many readers. I would suggest that you shave words from the beginning of the lines. If you shave words like 'the' and 'like', then I think it would even pack more power into the punch.
For instance:

"Buried and forgotten like a bad dream
horrors left behind leave an unheard scream
bloodstained sugar is all left behind
past works of literature, all combined'

Hit's hard.

Good piece.
GM