BLOOD RIVER IN THE SNOW

A short vampire tale.

    

    

   

    They stood looking over the snowy scene, a very graphic scene. The river was no longer a river of frozen water but one of a warm slightly bubbling river of blood cutting through the snowy landscape. From where did this come? Confusion and fear prevailed.

     The heavy thick scent of blood hung on the air, creating a crimson haze. The blood was warm, steam rose up off of it, but the snow didn't show any sign of melting. The blood slowly sloshed and heaved along its route. No one understood what they were seeing. More confusion and fear spreading far and wide. What could it mean? The beginning of Armageddon? Jesus Christ soon to return?

     The crimson wound continued on its journey, pushing out the life giving water God had provided. No moisture fell in the form of snow, water or frozen precipitation. Where was this blood coming from? Some set out to try and answer this question.

     They started following the blood river, hoping to locate its source. They set out with the blessing of those who lived in the area of the slowly moving blood river. They waited for their return. Days went by and no sign of their returning with the answer they all so desperately needed. More days went by. The crimson liquid seemed to increase in volume. The height of the blood had risen noticeably. It was like uncountable numbers of something must be bleeding to death to create this volume of unending blood flow.

     Days turned to weeks which turned to months. It was obvious something had happened to those who set out to discover the source of this blood. Those who lived along the river knew they weren't returning and now they all realized they, themselves, were in danger. They must prepare for attack. And that attack wasn't long in coming.

     Thin pale creatures appeared not long after. They appeared light and airy, moving quickly and unnaturally. They looked totally surreal and like not living creatures at all. They had sharp angular features, solid black eyes, their bodies were bony and very agile and strong. Their hair was long and dark. Their clothes were in good condition and casual in style. They wore no shoes and were rather beautiful and grotesque in appearance at the same time. There were many of them and they were hungry. They had followed the blood river to this place. They were hunters and they had come for their food.

     They had no chance with these hungry human looking creatures. The word VAMPIRE was screamed over and over again. The vampires were swift and powerful. They easily captured their prey and fed from them, sinking their ivory fangs into throats and feasting on their life giving blood, draining them dry. Victim after victim fell dead until the snow was covered with dead bloodless bodies. The pale creatures, their endless blood hunger now temporarily satisfied, moved on. And with them went the blood river. The warm, slightly bubbling blood flowed on and was replaced by God's life giving water. That water quickly froze over in the cold wintery environment.

Reviews

[Craig2591]

Yuck! I mean that in a good way! Your description of the blood river grossed me out

Once again, your talent for description is excellent.

Very surreal. You give just enough information to tell the story but still leave a lot of mystery. I like that.

Great graphic!

[RedVII]

Reminded me of 30 Days of Night. Cool overall concept. Some of the verbiage got repetitive and could probably benefit from the use of synonyms or metaphors. For instance, in three sonsecutive sentences you use the word 'blood':

"The heavy thick scent of blood hung on the air, creating a crimson haze. The blood was warm, steam rose up off of it, but the snow didn't show any sign of melting. The blood slowly sloshed and heaved along its route."

Perhaps, with synonyms, pronouns and metaphors, it could read something like:

"The heavy thick scent of blood hung on the air, creating a crimson haze. It was warm, steam rose up off of it, but the snow didn't show any sign of melting. The ruby red fluid slowly sloshed and heaved along its route."

Overall, very nice job at constructing a tight, concise story!

[Eric Cox]

Cool job on this horror write. Chilling imagery. Excellent work!

[Black Cat Fever]

Wow, this is very very chilling, deeply chilling. It is as if the blood river has a mind of its own or is in the vampire's control. That blood river....deep dark horror! This is one extraordinary write!

[Wolf's Dark Song]

Wow! This has a fearful beauty to it and is so deeply chilling. I like how it's written. It reads like a horror tale someone is telling to listeners. Amazing horror write!

[Star Wolf]

A very spooky and chilling vampire tale told like its a story someone is telling. Very graphic and darkly spellbinding. The blood river stands out starkly, the focal point of the whole blood thirsty adventure. Awesome tale!

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The ending was awesome!! Ooh, I have chills now. Love the vampires, how theyre your own creation. (and if theyre not, id never know.)That was a beautiful piece of work, the imagery was great! My only criticisms are the sensence structure,which gets a little bland, and the fact that there is nothing to inference. It's all just layed out straight, and thats fine, I just feel it would improve the overall mysterious and uncanny mood. I'd love to see this made into a book or longer story--you certainly have the talent and creativity!!!