The poison saves me. Nov. 2017

Pretty scattered, and not my usual writing style. Still feels like a pretty honest piece about myself.

Calls and cries
Breaking sounds tonight
Placated, found the lies
Way back where "don't you cry"
It's the fight you rage
It's all death to me
When you're the more you crave
When you're so lost you're saved
Trek on and thru the days
So long I've walked this way
Dress it how u may
The act is still the same
You can't be what you show
It's not the who you know
Where's the honesty
Where's the more to me
You try and shut it down
Hush hush and simply sound
When it breaks away
Undoes the masquerade
When you're alive some days
I hear "alive's" the key
What'd you lock away?
Is there more you've saved?
Can it stay that way?
Can you stay this way?

It seems to me the in between,
The fantasy's the make believe
The order and in order of this life and the applause. Common Laws and paused so long it's all so wrong its not forgone the trials and the circumstance cant justify cause. Cordially and formally you haven't even seen in me, she hasn't even seen in me, the poison in my heart. Certain? Oh I'm certain that the point is pointless, how can poison be what beats beneath and causes me, reminding me, ever ever after taunting me, of what I need, it's in my dreams, still courses through the surface, coming through in every breath and breathless, so determined to retrieve it, take a break and just receive it, bite the apple and those demons, always screaming always breaching, let em play you know you need it, what's the secret in your secret? How'd you hide away and still feed it? How'd you fake a life and still seek it, don't you see it? The poison is your life your reason, don't you know that you're the demon? It's not working it's not staying, this life you're imitating, did you think that you could work it, force it, keep the big house and keep dreaming? With all the titles you're still sheathing? With all the words you're rearranging? Word it perfect word it worthless, word it any way that you know words it...name it and you'll see it, just name it and you'll be it...those words that freeze your being, claim your name and seize it, those same words that deemed it treason....another sip doesn't leave you searching, leaves you empty, another sip tastes just like candy. Another one goes down too easy, shouldn't you be left uneasy, all but listless, at least queasy. Could it be okay to be me? You'd a thought the poison'd kill me, take me, break me, and unmake me. I think the poison saves me.