Author's Lament

The lament of an author, suffering from writer's block extraordinaire.

What happened to the writer of worlds, creator of galaxies?

What happened to the writer who could create stories out of nothing and everything?

The writer who could easily write poetry for all their friends; create an entire story for two friends in love? The one whose mastering of the words could even create a world of unimaginable horrors and beauty?

Oh, whatever happened to the writer who could even write a story about a person with writer’s block? “I don’t know what to write” became a whole story. A fleeting thought of a lesbian love story became a published novel about murder and greed.

What happened to me; the one who took such pride in their writing since childhood? The one who found beauty in horror, and horror in beauty? The one whose organized chaos could fill page upon page of nonsense and make it coherent?

Writer’s block is a common phenomenon, but what happens when the writer loses their touch indefinitely? When the pencil breaks, you sharpen it. When the ink runs out, you change pens. When the eraser is down to a nub, you get more. Crumpled pages become rough sketches before the masterpiece. But what happens when the problem isn’t the tools, but the writer themselves? “The pencil is an extension of yourself”, I used to say. “Your life are chapters; your flesh is paper; the ink is your blood. The eraser is your mind removing the unwanted.” But the writer, myself? Without the tools, a writer is nothing, but similarly without a writer, the tools are useless.

Oh, if only there was magic, one which could help reignite the spark of creativity? Am I destined to disappear, like the crumpled papers? Has my life become nothing more than a rough sketch, doomed to eternally be unfinished? Is my time as a writer over? Has the clutches of Mental Illness gotten the worst of me? What was once endless supplies of fantastical stories and creative outbursts, has now become a hindrance to the writing. Many artists are advised to “go off their meds” or “embrace the crazy” for their inner art to come out. But it’s incredibly selfish to demand that a person ought to suffer so that they can occasionally release their inner arts.

Would you tell Frida Kahlo, Vincent Van Gogh, Agatha Christie, to sacrifice their minds and their peace, to create artwork for your pleasure?

Alas, the writer’s lament is far too real; I’ve written some poor works and some wonderful ones. But none of this written art, these stories conjured by my mind, could ever be as terrifying as this mainstream reality which forces me to ask myself the frightening question; have I lost my inner art? Will I ever write stories again?

As these words are typed out, I get the answer; yes, you shall write again. Your story has only just began. Who determines what is reality? What is reality, according to each individual, and collectively? What compels you to write, to create art? It is not my mental illnesses, though they serve as excellent inspiration. Rather, the power of my writing stems from my emotions; without my emotions, I could never create art. Each artist have their own muse(s) and their own tools and strategies. My tools are pen, paper, ink, and the computer. My strategy is to utilize my beautiful inner worlds, through my emotions, to create the stories within. There is a storm in my mind, and it’s desperately wailing, “set me free, let me roam free”. I do believe that this storm has been held inside for too long; the storm needn’t be silenced; the storm needs to become the rainbow that shines clarity and creativity. Author’s lament, my friends, is the pain of numbness and the abyss of self-doubt. But no more shall these shackles penetrate my mind. I will set the storm free turn it into a rainbow, and paint this world with ink and paper. The world is a journal, I am the author, and these fingers shall solidify the stories lying dormant.

Reviews

[Kami]

WOW! Powerful and very descriptive. The beginning woes of this piece turn into hope, not an end, but hope and knowledge that you can (and will) prevail. I truly loved that aspect. Keep sharing and thank you!

[Tobias Ådin]

Thank you very much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!