Rain, in two parts.

A story in two parts, showing the hidden contrasts that we so easily ignore. Based partly on my own life, and fully on my own personality. Not too long, written on impulse.

Cathy opened the door to the classroom and was, as expected, greeted with several faces turned towards her inquisitively. She was prepared for this to happen, but wasn't sure what she would do to resolve the situation, she just hoped the teacher would break the silence. “You must be Cathy” said the man in front of the blackboard. He was old and rugged, with a beard reaching down to his chest. “Please take a seat wherever there is a seat open”. Cathy sat down at the nearest desk she could find without an occupant. “Class, this is Cathy. Cathy, this is class. Please take out your textbook and we'll proceed”. Cathy slumped the heavey textbook down onto her desk, trying to ignore all the eyes scanning her up and down.

Cathy spent most of the class watching her classmates, trying to find someone she could befriend, as she knew this was best done early. The teacher prattled on as Cathy was scouting her surroundings; the usual group of bimbos, jocks and nerds, not really groups she was felt at home with. Out of all the people in her class, only one was seated alone except for Cathy. It was a guy, with short blonde hair and freckles. His face didnt have any discernable features, he just looked “average”. He was seated on the same row of desks as several others, only he had moved one seat down from everyone else. He seemed to be watching the teacher, but Cathy thought she could see a bored, uninterested mind behind the lazy eyes. The lazy eyes moved to meet Cathy's. She was startled by this and looked away quickly, even though she knew he had caught her staring. She buried her head into the textbook and hoped she hadn't scared him away already. “This must be my future friend” she hypothesized. During reecess Cathy decided to make her move. She waited to see if he was leaving his desk for lunch, but to her joy he pulled out a lunchbox and stayed seated at his desk. Cathy waited a moment still to make sure noone else approached him, but noone seemed to even aknowledge him. Cathy dug up her own lunchbox, built up some courage, and trottled over.

“Can I join you for lunch?” Cathy asked him, doing her best to put on a friendly smile. “What?” the boy replied. This was a turn of events not planned out within Cathy's mind. Does this boy not understand the concept of lunch? If he doesn't how would she explain it to him. Cathy's mind eventually concluded that he must not have heard her, so she asked again, more clearly this time. “Can I sit with you and eat my lunch?” This time no answer. “Well?” Cathy said, trying to ignore the audience they were attracting. The boy seemed embarrased by everyone watching him as well, and looked annoyed at Cathy. “Why?” he said. Cathy was taken aback by this. “Well...I just dont know anyone here and thought maybe you and I...” “I'm sorry” he interrupted. “I'm not interested, please leave me alone”. Some of the bimbos began giggling at the situation, and Cathy felt she had embarassed herself and returned to her desk. She opened her lunch and began eating, ignoring every eye that was on her, just studying her sandwhich whilst devouring it. Now and then, during the rest of the day, Cathy would give a glance towards the boy who shut her offering of friendship down, but he never glanced back. Cathy had been rejected before, but never when just asking to eat lunch with someone. She was annoyed at how much this boy annoyed her. She felt she did everything right, she had pushed herself to try to befriend someone new, she had smiled and been polite, she had even picked out the target she thought would give least resistance, still she was left embaressed.

The embarresment evolved into anger over the course of the day, and reached its zenith when it was time to walk home. Just as she stepped out of the schoolyard, she saw the back of that dreadful would-be lunchcompanion walkin down the same road as her. She spent the next 10 minutes walking behind this boy, cursing him silently to herself. On the road home Cathy eventually reached a decision to never be friendly again, only to utterly smelt when a cute little pomeranian dog ran towards her and started cuddling her legs. She knelt down and started petting the dog, grinning at this fluffy ball of fur. “Tom, get Princess Marshmellow, will you?” Cathy looked towards the voice calling, it was a lady across the street doing laundry. Cathy looked back to the dog just to see it get lifted up by the sworn enemy she had met that day. He didn't say a word as he picked up the dog two feet away from her, not even a glance. He walked across the street and into the house, closing the door behind him. “Who is this horrible guy? Not even a look at the girl asking to be his friend a few hours earlier?” Cathy was fuming as she walked towards her own house a block away. “At least I know his name”

Cathy woke up the next morning, and the first rational thought that came to her mind after the departure of her best-left-alone dreams, was him. All she had wanted to do was to make a friend to make her transition into the new school easier, instead she had made a fool out of herself and ostricised herself from everyone. She descended the stairs to join her parents for breakfast before heading to school. As she approached the school gate, she saw the idiot standing outside. She approached him and tapped him on his shoulder. It was first when he turned around and faced her that Cathy remembered she hadn't planned anything to say; “Why did you do it?” she blurted out. He looked shocked initially, but when he realised who had suddenly approached him, his shock turned into annoyance. “I don't need a reason for wanting to be alone!” he replied. “Well that's no way to turn down a simple request!” Cathy replied, abit nervously as she felt his mood turn from annoyed to angry. “I don't know who you are or why you are desperate to eat lunch with me” He took a step towards Cathy. “All I know is that the feeling isn't mutual, so leave me alone. This is the last time we speak.” Cathy was frozen to the spot, unable to say or do anything. He stared her down a bit before he turned away and started walking towards the school. Cathy felt like crying. She felt as if she had just been told off by her parents for doing something bad, only she was so sure in here mind that she was innocent. She quickly collected herself to avoid attention from the other students and walked towards the school as well.

The next feew weeks went by without any big changes for Cathy; school was boring as usual, her fellow students ignored her as usual and the boy ignored her even more. She spent the days pretending not to think anymore about him, but even she knew that was a lie. One day an incident occurred on her way home from school. She had stopped by the local kiosk to by a candybar, and stepped around the corner of the store to throw the wrapper in the bin. As she rounded the corner she saw three men further down the alley. “You're such a loser, you know that?” “Yeh, why haven't you just killed yourself yet?” Two guys were pinning the third to the wall. Cathy felt she should leave for her own safety, but was startled when she saw that the boy pinned to the wall was the boy. For reasons unknown to Cathy she yelled out “Hey, Idiots. Go away”. All three of the guys stopped and stared at her. “Oh look, it's his girlfriend” one guy said, the other smirking at the remark. They let go of the boy and started approaching Cathy. She had no plan to get herself out of this situation, instead she felt she was in too deep to run away, and took a step forward. “Please go away” Cathy could hear instantly how pathetic she sounded. “Oh please? Well if you say please I guess we just have to go?” The two guys laughed as they kept approaching her. “How about we instead see whats underneath that pretty dress you have on.” Cathy was felt the seriousness of the situation and looked to the boy who had been pinned to the wall for help, but he just stood there staring. “You should learn to mind your own busine....” he cut his sentence short and stared large-eyed at something above Cathy. Cathy was confused and was suddenly pushed aside by the clerk from the store. “What on earth is going on here?” He passed Cathy and approached the boys who were walking backwards. “You guys better f**k on out of here before I beat the s**t out of you” threatened the clerk. The boys hurried off, but not before kicking the third boys backpack over so its contents spilled. The clerk turned to Cathy. “You two as well, f**k off. No loitering behind the store” he said as he went back inside.

Cathy approached the boy who was putting his things back in the backpack, nervous towards his response. Cathy knelt down to help him. “You can go.” he said, not giving Cathy a glance. She ignored his request and started picking up his things. To her surprise he didn't give any more protests to her helping him. When they were done they got back to their feet, Cathy staring at him, him staring at the ground. “Why did the...” Cathy started before she was interrupted. “Because people are s**t” the boy spoke with contempt. “Well not all of us” Cathy said. “Most of you” he replied. “You should tell someone” Cathy instantly regretted saying this as the boy met her stare. “I shouldn't do anything, you should leave me alone. Thanks for helping me with my books, but I have no interest in you, don't take it personal.” His eyes were getting angry again. “Why can't we be friends” Cathy pleaded this time, knowing she might not get him this vurlnerable again. “Because I have nothing to offer you, I just want to live my life in peace. Please leave me alone!” his eyes looked pleadingly at Cathy. “Leave. Me. Alone.!” He stormed off, leaving Cathy feeling dumb and embarassed for the second time.

It was summer, and school was out. Cathy had enjoyed sleeping in, not waking up before noon. This pattern, however, was interrupted this morning. Cathy was awakened by a loud bang, followed by yelling. Cathy rose from her bed and dashed to the window to see who dared disturbed her beauty-sleep. As she pulled the curtains aside she saw a car racing off, leaving just smoke, and a person, in it's wake. It was the boy again. Whenever there was commotion around the neighbourhood it seemed his family was involved. Several nights they could hear yelling from their house, and it always ended with someone slamming the front door. The boy stood in the middle of the road, staring after the car. His fists were clenched, and he seemed to be ready to explode at any minute, but it didn't happen. Instead, he turned around and headed slowly back to his house. Cathy could see him walking up to his porch and sit down on the steps, burying his head in his hands. Cathy didn't know if it was kindness, insanity or wanting what she couldn't have, but she felt she had to go talk to him. Cahty got dressed and hurried down the stairs. As she was tying her shoes she thought about how stupid a person has to be to approach someone who has on several occacions stated they want to be left alone. Noonetheless, Cathy walked with conviction towards him. She stopped just outside his line of sight to build up some courage, then she entered their yard. He lifted his head when he heard her steppes. Cathy could see him quickly and subtly drying tears from his eyes. “Hello?” he said with a face of annoyance. “Hey, how is your summer going?” Cathy said, trying to be nice, not remembering that this probably isn't the highpoint of his summer. She looked at him with kind eyes and a smile waiting for his response, but none came. He just stared at her, more inquisitively this time. “Rough morning, huh?” Cathy continued, abit nervous. “What?” he said, almost angrily. “I just heard yelling and saw you in the middle of the road and figured something had happened”. His looked now changed into a deathstare, and Cathy felt she had overstepped. “Why the f**k would you spy on me?” He said while he rose to his feet. “Oh, I didn't...”-”Why the f**k do you think this is any of your business?” He was approaching Cathy now, and she began moving backwards. Just as Cathy thought he was going to continue his barrage of questions, his face changed from angry to resigned. He closed in on Cathy and put one arm on each of her shoulders. Cathy was staring down, and she could feel his breath on her face. “Look at me” he said. Cathy was surprised by his soft tone, which was in strong contrast of the angry voice he had used seconds earlier. Cathy met his eyes, and noticed for the first time their bright blue color. As she was staring at him, she felt lost in his eyes. Not in love, but intrigued by the thousand stories they seemed to tell. “I don't know why you insist on being like this, but I don't want your sympathy” he said calmly. “But I..” “I don't know or care what it is you need, but I won't give it to you, so here is what I want you to do. Leave me alone. Whenever you see me, don't approach me and don't talk to me.” He gave her one last look and turned towards the house. Cathy was in awe of the speech she was given. “I just wanted to make a friend, and turns out you're the biggest jerk I've ever met.” Cathy didn't realize what she was saying until it was already out. He stopped, turned around and walked towards her again. His eyes pierced hers again. “Listen, I don't care what you think of me, ok? You may not understand this, but I prefer it this way. You have nothing to offer me, and I am not what you need. Turn around and forget me.” He turned around, walked into the house and slammed the door behind him. Cathy stared in frustration at the closed door for a moment before she stormed back to her own house, and though she did not understand why, tears where pouring down her face.

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His alarm clock startled him, as alarm clocks should, and he rose from his bed. He quickly got dressed and headed into the bathroom. The bright light made him squint as he looked into the mirror. His hair looked like a rifled nest on top of his head, his blue eyes barely eligible through his squinting eyelids and a subtle stubble-beard just concluded the look of a newly woken-up teen. He splashed some water on his face and entered the kitchen to eat. He sat down at the table along his younger brother. His mother was washing dishes in the sink. “Good morning, what are you going at school today?” she asked him, not moving her eyes from the dishes. When he didn't respond she turned to him. “Tom? I asked you a question” she said sternly. “I don't know, math probably, and english” Tom mumbled as he made his lunch for school. His mother turned back to her dishes. “I just asked” she said calmly. “I have to go” Tom said. He put his lunch in his lunchbox and dashed out of the kitchen. “Bye Tom” his little brother called to him, but Tom ignored him and left the house.

As he entered the school yard he kept his head down, and hurried inside. He entered his classroom and sat down at his desk, waiting for school to begin. As he sat he felt like everyone was staring at him, judging him. Tom's desk was moved slightly away from the others on his row, because he liked the solitude. Eventually his teacher entered the room and Tom finally had something to fix his eyes on. The teacher began to note attendance but was interrupted by the door opening again. In entered a girl Tom had never seen before. He scanned her up and down, and she was undeniably pretty, but in a subtle kind of way. Tom had always liked reading people he hadn't met before based on their appearance, and this girl exuded innosence and kindness. “You must be Cathy” said his teacher, “please take a seat wherever there is a seat open. Class, this is Cathy. Cathy, this is class. Please take out your textbook and we'll proceed.”. Tom continued eyeing her as she sat down. He couldn't explain why, but sometimes he was just fascinated by certain people, even before he had talked to them. He let her slip from his mind, and opened his textbook.

Class was boring as usual to Tom, and he was relieved when recess finally came. He prepared to do what he always did during recess; eat his lunch while judging the people around him. Most people, he found, had something about them that he could decypher and understand them better. The only problem with doing this was that he never found anything about anyone that was positive, every little detail he could observe helped him understand why he didn't like people. He was aware that this probably wasn't the case, and that his detective skills were problaby not on par with Sherlock Holmes, but he never managed to turn them into something good. As he was judging a particularly idiotic person on their laughter, he was interrupted. “Can I join you for lunch?” It was the new girl, Cathy. Tom's eyes worked on overdrive to observe what he could of appearance and bodylanguage. He met her eyes. “What?” Never had anything like this happened to him. When you don't have friends, you tend not to be invited to or asked to be joined for lunch. She looked confused. Tom felt his anger boil up inside him, and he had to subdue it as usual. The girl is pretty, and for what he knows, a nice person too. “She only approached me because she doesn't know me” he thought to himself. “She just hasn't figured out who the cool kids and who the losers are yet. If this is an attempt of friendship she will get to know me and realise I'm a weird guy and get tired of me, as they always do” He could feel his frustration mix with his anger. “Can I sit with you and eat my lunch”? Tom's thoughtprocess was interrupted by her followup question. He could sense everyone in the room stare at them, and that was attention he did not want. “Well?” she said. “Why?” Tom replied instantly. Why would she put him on the spot like this, he was beginning to hate this girl. “Well...I just dont know anyone here and thought maybe you and I...” “I'm sorry” he interrupted. “I'm not interested, please leave me alone”. She looked almost hurt for a moment, but he had no sympathy. Some of the other students began giggling and whispering among themselves as the girl returned to her seat, and Tom returned his eyes to his desk.

The bell rang and school was over. Tom always had his things prepared and ready to go when the end of the schoolday closed in, as he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. He flung his backpack over his shoulder and hurried out of the schoolyard. As he was walking home he thought about the girl that had approached him, that hadn't happened for a long time. He thought about why he turned her away, and realized that he hadn't really thought about his actions, they just happened. He figured it was for the best, what did he have to offer? Best to leave people out of his life as not to hurt them, because he can't give them what they deserve. He hated that he was this way, and everyday something would happen to remind him of his faults, which again caused him to feel sad for himself, which again always turned into anger. This anger would often make him blame the innocent people who inflame it, causing him to dislike people who really had not done him anything wrong. His train of thought was interrupted by his mothers voice; “Tom, get Princess Marshmellow, will you?”. Her voice was soft and kind, as it usually was in public. He turned around and saw their dog saying hello to the new girl from school. For a brief, fleeting moment he thought about apologizing, but it flew away. He repressed the anger this girl was causing him, and went over. He wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, possibly without any dialog needed. He picked up the dog, purposefully avoiding eyecontact, and headed across the street and into the house. He sighed of relief when the door was closed behind him, but sighed of frustration at the kind of person he was.

A new day was started, and Tom stood at the entrance to the school, hoping a meteor or something would crash into the school so he could skip it. As he was imagining a variety of doomsday scenarios, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He didn't have any friends at school, so he was geniunely curious as to who would approach him here. His curiousness was quickly converted to annoyance; it was the girl. “Why did you do it?” she asked. Tom tried to controll his emotions as to not come across as too rude; “I don't need a reason for wanting to be alone!”. “Well that's no way to turn down a simple request!” she said, and Tom could feel his anger ascending at the persistance of this annoying person. “I don't know who you are or why you are desperate to eat lunch with me, all I know is that the feeling isn't mutual, so leave me alone. This is the last time we speak.” She looked shocked, as he had hoped. He hoped this little speech of his would put an end to their relationship. He waited for a response, none came, so he turned around and approached the sadly still standing school.

On his way to school Tom passed a kiosk every day, and some days after school he'd buy a soda and sit behind the kiosk, enjoying his solitude. This day just that had happened, and he sat on a rock behind the old house and let his mind roam free. A sudden voice beside him broke his chain of thought. “What a shocker, the loser sits by himself”. It was one of the idiots from Tom's class, of whom Tom was frequently bullied. “So where is your girlfriend?” Idiot 1 snickered. “Yeh, are you having a lovers quarrel?” Idiot 2 chimed in. During the days after his and Cathy's short conversation in class, the idiots had kept asserting Tom had fallen in love. “She's not my girlfriend, I barely spoke to her” Tom said while subtly looking for a way out of the alley. “But you're perfect for eachother, both ugly losers” Idiot 2 said. “Why do you guys always harass people, you don't even know her.” Tom found himself surprisingly defensive of her. “We don't have to know her, we just see how ugly she is and go from there” said Idiot 1, causing both of them to giggle at his remark. “Bullying little girls shows just how cowardly you idiots are”. Both idiots stopped smiling, and stared at Tom. “What did you call us?”. They approached Tom with clenched fists. “What the f**k did you call us?!” Idiot 1 rushed at Tom and pinned him against the wall. “We'll see how tough you are with no teeth”. Idiot 1 pulled back his arm, ready to punch. Tom closed his eyes. “Look at him, not even fighting back” Idiot 1 said to Idiot 2 while pinning Tom to the wall. Idiot 2 approached Tom as well and helped pin him. “You're such a loser, you know that?” “Yeh, why haven't you just killed yourself yet?” Idiot 1 readied his arm again. “Hey idiots. Go away!”

Tom recognized the voice instantly. The two idiots turned their faces towards Cathy. “Oh look, it's his girlfriend”. Idiot 2 started smirking at Idiot 1's remark again. To Tom's surprise he saw her take a step towards them, showing no fear. His shame of not being able to do the same sent his eyes to the ground. “Please go away” Tom heard her say, whilst he tried understanding why she would risk herself for him, a boy who's shown her nothing but contempt. “Oh please? Well, if you say please I guess we just have to go?” The idiots started laughing. “How about we instead see whats underneath that pretty dress you have on.” The threat sent shivers down Tom's spine, and he tried mustering any courage he could find to help her, but found nothing, and his eyes remained looking to the ground in shame. “You should learn to mind your own busine....” Idiot 1's threat was cut short, and Tom looked up to see what was happening. “What on earth is goin on here?” Tom recognized the clerk from the store, a large brawny man. The clerk walked swiftly towards the idiots. “You guys better f**k of out of here before I beat the s**t out of you” his voice boomed in the alley. Tom saw the idiots turn around and run towards him. They kicked his backpack to the ground and ran off. Tom knelt down and began collecting his books. “You two as well, f**k off. No loitering behind the store” the clerk said and rounded the corner.

Tom just wanted to go home and wallow in his own shame and self-pity. In is peripheral he could see Cahty approaching. She knelt down to help him. “You can go” he said, not taking his eyes of his books. She didn't seem to pay any mind to his words and continued helping him. Tom didn't bother arguing, and let her help him. They rose back to their feet, and Tom fastened his sight ot the ground again, his shame swallowing his mind. “Why did the...” he heard her say and he interrupted; “Because people are s**t”. He could feel the hatred in his own words, it was genuin. “Well, not all of us” Cathy asserted. “Most of you” he replied. “You should tell someone” she said, and Tom could feel anger brewing inside him and did his best to subdue it. “I shouldn't do anything, you should leave me alone. Thanks for helping me with my books, but I have no interest in you, don't take it personal.” Tom had to strain against saying something too hurtful to her. “Why can't we be friends?” she said. Her voice sounded almost desperate, confusing Tom. Why would someone be so passionate about him? His thoughts were interrupted by his own shame talking; “Because I have nothing to offer you, I just want to live my life in peace. Please leave me alone!” Tom could feel his words turning from anger to sadness as he spoke them, although involuntarily. He looked as far into her eyes as he could. “Leave. Me. Alone.!” He turned around and walked away, hating himself for being so mean to the first person who had ever shown any care for him. He said to himself this was for the best; it's easier to burn a bridge than to maintain it.

“Get up, you gotta go to school!” Tom was awakened by the sudden yell. He sat up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Get up!” His mom entered the room, more angry than most mornings Tom could recall. “I can't spend my whole morning taking care of a f*****g 16 year old, start acting your age!”. She grabbed Tom's arm and yanked him out of bed. “Mom, relax! I'm f*****g awake!” Tom could feel his own anger being riled up by the rude awakening. “Get downstairs and help your brother get ready for school.” Tom wanted to respond but decided against poking the bear, and instead swallow his pride and help his brother. “16 f*****g years old and in no shape or form able to take care of himself.” He could hear his mom talking while she ran around the house preparing to leave for work. He had to controll himself, as he knew loosing his temper would only escalate the situation. He began making his and his brother's lunches for the day. “You're just like your god damn father” his mother continued her tirade against him from the hall while tying her shoes. The remark made Tom stop in his tracks and clench his fists as he desperately tried to maintain his cool. “Left me all alone to deal with you two” his mother said. “Well, you f*****g cheated on him!” the words fell from his mouth before he could stop himself, and he hated himself for his lack of discipline. “What did you say?” his mother entered the kitchen, leering at Tom. “What the f**k did you just say?” she stepped towards him, menacingly. “Don't you think for a second that you know the whole story and that your father was the saint you make him out to be!” “I don't, but his not the only one to blame, so stop talking s**t about him all the time, especially in front of us!” Tom had never said these things, or even thought about saying them, they just tumbled out of him. She approached even closer. “Give me your f*****g chest.” She said the words so calmly that they sent shivers down his spine. “What? That's mine”. Tom said. “Everything you f*****g own is mine” his mother said, not taking her eyes of him. “Now go get me that f*****g chest”. Tom could feel his heart beating fast and hard. “No”, he told her. Her look became even more furious, and all of the sudden she turned away from him and started climbing the stairs. In a second Tom knew where she was going, and ran after her. “You're not taking it!” he shouted as he ran after her. When he caught up to her she was already in his room, rumaging around his closet. She turned around holding a small, wooden chest. “Give it to me!” Tom said, blocking the door. “Move” his mother hissed at him. “No.” This was the first time Tom had ever taking one of their fights this far, and he was not sure how she would react. She stared at him for a quick second, before she started walking sternly towards the door. She pushed Tom back out the doorway and stepped out of the room past him, only to feel a hand grab her wrist and yank her back inside the room so hard that she fell. Tom stood above his mother, feeling a mixture of pride, power, and terror. His mother sat up and stared at him, with a look Tom had never seen before on anyone in his whole life. She rose to her feet, and approached him. “I'm not letting you leave with it” Tom said before she could say anything. She continued to stare into his eyes. She pushed the chest into his arm, and exited the room.

Tom stood in his room with the chest in his hands, his head raging with emotions. He put the chest down on his bed and went down after his mom. “Why are you like this, why do we have to live like this?” He yelled at her while she opened the front door and slammed it behind her. Tom hurried to put on his shoes and went after her. “Why do we live like this?” he continued asking, but not getting a response. His mother started the car and pulled out of the drive way. Tom was determined this morning. He ran across the lawn and stood in the middle of the road, blocking the car. His mom opened her door. “Move” she said, leaning out of the car. Tom approached her and grabbed a hold of the door. “Why do we never try to fix this?!” He couldn't tell if he was angry, sad or frustrated. “Move” she repeated, just staring at him. Tom could feel his blood boil, he could feel all emotions he had culminate into a blob of hate towards this woman. He let go of the door, and she slammed it shut and drove off. He stood in the middle of the road looking at the car speeding away, trying to rid himself of all the anger he had unleashed this morning, but it wouldn't fade. He unclenched his fists, took a breath and started walking back to the house. He sat down on the front porch and put his face in his hands.

Tom tried what he could to calm himself down, and to keep the tears safe inside his head. Suddenly he heard stepps approaching. He looked up and could see her, the girl from class, standing in front of him. He already had enough to deal with, he didn't want what she reminded him off to also bother him. “Hello?” he said to her, trying to sound as disinterested as possible. “Hey, how is your summer going?” she said, making Tom again have to controll his temper. He was not in any mood to deal with this. Before he could come up with a response she continued talking. “Rough morning, huh?”. Not only was her presence here reminding Tom of his flaws, but now she wanted to interfere with his troubles at home as well. Tom had never felt so many emotions at once before, and only wanted her to leave. “What?” he replied. “I just heard yelling and saw you in the middle of the road and figured something had happened”. The one person who had ever shown him legitimatly concern. He had to get her out of his life. “Why the f**k would you spy on me?” he got to his feet. “Oh, I didn't...” Why the f**k do you think this is any of your business?” He started walking towards her, and she moved backwards. He was ready to lay into her, but looking at her face he could feel something he couldn't explain inside him; he didn't want to be mean to this person. He put one arm on each of her shoulder, and touching her felt strangely warm. She was looking down. “Look at me” he said. He could feel her touch and eyes calming him down. A fleeting moment of peace. He could feel a lump in his throat, but he had no idea why. His serenity was interrupted by his reality, he can never give her what she needs, he is broken. “I don't know why you insist on being like this, but I don't want your sympathy” he said. She started talking, but he knew he had to interrupt her before she could use more of what ever magic she had on him. “I don't know or care what it is you need, but I won't give it to you, so here is what I want you to do. Leave me alone. Whenever you see me, don't approach me and don't talk to me.” He finally felt he had done it, turned her away from him. He looked into her eyes, and turned around and walked towards the door. “I just wanted to make a friend, and turns out your're the biggest jerk I've ever met.” Tom stopped in his tracks; he did not expect an response. His feelings fought against his logic when he turned around and approached her again. “Listen, I don't care what you think of me, ok? You may not understand this, but I prefer it this way. You have nothing to offer me, and I am not what you need. Turn around and forget me.” Just as he turned away from her, he could feel the tears coming. He walked towards the house, hating himself for being what he is, and hating his life for making him this way. The closest thing he had ever had to a friend he had just pushed away for the last time. Rage overtook him, and he slammed the door behind him. He leaned back against the door and slid down to the floor. His was crying, and although he tried to tell himself he didn't know why, he didn't believe it.

For as long as I can remember I have had a cloud floating above me. Whenever I talk to a person, be it a family-member or the cashier at the supermarket, it rains. The rain washes away the facade I put up when I'm left to my own thoughts, and shows the world my insecurities. It is a constant reminder of my flaws and of what leaves me outside the circle of monotone serenity that everyone seems to be a part of, of which I too desperately want to be a part of. I have yet to find a reason to withstand the rain, succumb to it, accept it. It is much easier to withdraw myself from what causes my cloud to release its droplets of hate for me.

I happened upon her by pure chance. By pure chance I also happened upon her again. By the third time my mind was a warsone. Who fights in this war, I do not know, but I am always on the loosing side. Some part of me prefers to lose, but this time it came close. I was almost persuaded to win, but again defeat was achieved, at great personal sacrifice.

How I wish it would rain down on me now.

Author's Note

Give whatever feedback you'd like. I want it all.