Manicured Lawns

This is another short story I thought was lost forever, but I'm glad I found it.

         When my boyfriend’s truck pulled up to the address, I felt my heart lodge in my throat. My body began to tremble and I hated myself for feeling nervous and scared. After all, I was mad as hell! There was no room for being nervous or scared. I had waited too long, been through too much. Yet, part of me just wanted to turn around and say forget it!

            My hands were sweating like I was in a sauna. I wiped them on my denim jeans. My throat felt dry and it was hard to swallow. I wondered if I would even make it out the car and up to the door without passing out. It all seemed like a dream and a nightmare. Ahead of me was either the conclusion I had been looking for, or the beginning to something I had dared imagine.

            I looked over at the beautiful two-story house that looked like it belonged on some set in Hollywood. It just looked so perfect and unreal. The lawn was even flawless with a sign that read: Keep off Grass. And no kids were out although it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I was even surprised at how easy it was to get here. I figured Dr. Lynn Chou would be living in a gated community.

            Images flooded my mind. I wondered what she looked like. And then again, I didn’t give a damn. Sadness crept up on me. I cursed myself for being so weak. I had to be strong. I couldn’t let her see me weak.

            “Baby-“

            His voice startled me. Brought me back to reality. Across that manicured lawn was the woman who gave me up nineteen years ago and never looked back. The woman I hated, yet, probably saw everyday in the mirror. Dr. Lynn Chou. She had to be a f*****g doctor. Maybe if she was a drug addict, an alcoholic or lived off welfare in the projects it wouldn’t sting so badly. Maybe it would.

            “You don’t have to do this. If you want, I can turn around right now and we can-“

            I got out of the truck before he finished his sentence, trekking across that manicured lawn like it was ragweed. My legs were shaky and hesitant, but I willed them to keep moving all the way to that big ivory door.

            The house was quiet. There was no car in the driveway. Maybe she wasn’t home. Or maybe she had her Mercedes or whatever expensive European car she drove in the two-car garage.

            I rung the doorbell furiously, taking my aggression out on it with my index finger. I could hear the bell echoing throughout the house. I stood with my arms folded. Face twisted. I prayed she was home. I prayed that she wasn’t. My heart was bouncing around my chest cavity like an erratic ping-pong ball.

            I was getting ready to turn on my heels and walk away when the door cracked open. I could barely make out the image of an Asian woman. I suddenly became aware of my breathing. I was hyperventilating.

            “May I help you?”

            “Dr. Lynn Chou?”

            “Yes?”

            “I’m Kimone Lewis…. Your daughter.”

            I fought back tears. Bit my lower lip to distract myself. It didn’t work. I swore I wouldn’t let her see me cry. I had to be strong.

            The door opened wider. In front of me stood a thin, attractive Asian woman. Her eyes, hair and the oval shape of her face mirrored mine. I kept my arms folded. Face twisted.

            “I bet you never thought this day would come. Nineteen years ago you give birth to a daughter and turn your back on her. Never giving it a second thought. How could you do that! How could you just give me up like that? Did you even look for me? I bet you didn’t. I’ve been searching for you for five years. Five years! And all this time you’ve been less than thirty minutes away from me. Thirty f*****g minutes.”

            I tried to keep my voice down, but it was hard. The more I talked, the more emotions came out. And still, she just stood there.

            “I just wanted you to see what you gave up. I’m beautiful damn it! You see that? There’s nothing wrong with me? You had me thinking that something must be wrong with me if my own mother gave me up. I’m in college now, an honor student. Funny thing is, I wanted to be a doctor until I found out you were one. I don’t want to have anything more in common with you than I have to. I hate you!”

The tears were flowing now. There were too many emotions, too many thoughts. I wanted to be controlled and get everything off my chest, but my emotions were taking over.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. I wanted to hit her so bad. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt the day my older sister blurted out that I was adopted. I wanted her to experience my reoccurring nightmares. I wanted her to lose countless hours of sleep because my image was burnt into every recess of her brain.

I was crying, emotionally spent. We were two feet away from each other, yet a zillion miles apart. This would be the last time I ever saw her. I told myself that before I even knew her name. And still, she just stood there, staring at me like I was a ghost. And then again, I guess I was.

“Just tell me why. Why did you give me up?”

“Get the hell off my property.”

“What?” I was shocked by her words.”

“You heard me. The nerve of you to confront me like this. Tell me who gave you my address so I know who to sue.”

I was crying hysterically now. I felt myself about to go off and do something that would land me in jail. Hell, all my life I hadn’t done anything more then still a two-dollar lipstick and here I was about to strangle the woman who gave birth to me.

“After all I’ve been through to find you, you can’t answer that one damn question?”

“I don’t owe you any explanations. If you ever show up here again I’m calling the police.”

She turned her back to me. Something inside of me told me to charge her, wrap my arms around her neck and choke the life out of her. I felt my body began to move towards her without me even realizing it. Everything moved really slowly and my vision got blurry.

And then, a man appeared at the door. He was tall with skin the color of coal and dreadlocks down to his back. At his side was a little girl. Her skin tone, hair and features just like mine. She was a perfect blind of that Asian woman and that African man. I regained my composure, stopped myself from committing assault and battery and possibly homicide.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

Dr. Lynn Chou turned and cut her eyes at me, “Nothing honey, this young lady was just lost.”

I stared at her, my eyes like twin lasers burning a hole through hers. The little girl was looking at me, nervous and confused.

“Is there an address I can help you find?” The man asked again.

I looked at Dr. Lynn Chou. Her mean face had given way to one full of anxiety. That’s when I noticed we had something else in common. We both bite our lower lips when we were nervous.

“ No. The woman I was looking for is dead.” I replied as I turned around and cut a path through that manicured lawn.

Reviews

[Lillian]

Wow. I can feel the sting of a very deep papercut accross my heart as I read this. Incredible. Great write!!

[Lena]

Great Torey, this was thrilling and left me wanting a follow-up. I can see it from both sides of the fence and I long for a 2nd meeting with a chance for clarity if nothing else.
I wonder about the outcome if calmer heads had prevailed, by both.
I completely enjoyed this story.