Low Man's Lyric

Just not good enough. There is no poetry to this, I just need to get this off my chest.

No poetry intended here, but I need to get something off my chest. It haunts me everyday, and there is no problem unless you identify it, in which case I am getting nowhere.

I am absolutely ashamed of myself.

I can't stay clean, I can't stay with Jesus, I can't live without sin.

I can't do a single day of my life without guilt, it is all I seem to feel these days. My friends and family go through the day, smiling, loving, caring, praying. I think I was like that once, but these days its just guilt. Blame, Anger, Hatred, and Sorrow. All of which directed towards myself. These blows from the path keep knocking me down, I can't stay clean at all, and life seems to be a bitter shame. Every day I wake up, smile, get on Call of Duty, hang with family, live, and love. But when they all go home, when its all said and done, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I have failed! I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. GOD D****T! I FAILED. I stopped fearing death along time ago, but it is now that I fear the after life. Am I going to hell?!? Am I spending an eternity in burning lakes of sulfur? Will I burn, suffer, and torment forever?

I don't know where I'm going. I don't even know what I am doing. How am I suppose to?

Five things make sense to me right now.

ONE: God has done kindness, love, and greatness to me that I couldn't pay back if I wanted to. He is incredible.

TWO: Jesus suffered on the cross for my sins, dying a horrible death in order so we could be forgiven.

THREE: I have failed my life. And fail everytime I don't go to god for help.

FOUR: Getting clean sounds impossible. For everytime I try, it only lasts until I'm weak and without god again.

FIVE: I need to get clean. I need to reunite with Christ. And if burning for an eternity is my motivation, than let it be. For I need to stop doing this.