USofL: Just.an.Occurrence

the thee theee
     clock locked     
     three twelve 7even     
     short.l o n g. redead     
the hands placed
in their place
as my place
began to shift
melodically
     evolving the shapes     
     into fragments      
     of in.time.ate     
     thought as radically     
     as the world     
     renewed its      
     melodramatic box silhouette     
against the façade
of an incomplete destiny  
     discorging green leaves      
     in its face for being     
miss.taken
as an add[it]i.on.al source
of man made pollution
     the soul.less [root]      
     was just another escape     
from the never
hindered whispering
whimp.er |whip hurrying whip her|
of the others looking in

‘eh baby come ‘ere I want ter show yer sumtin’

the echo of the chant
following the trails of my shadow
into the corners of my insides
floating beneath between
the sunken stalls in the bathroom
as the door opened
closedshuttight
behind me
treading the tracks of their trade
transitioning from myself
into the flawed pieces drifting
between the gulps of sanity
many.festing my bloodstream
and iM opening...........sEAM
..........................tHE
.....................uP

we are all here
f*****g up the inner core of She
the incoherent beast
we call home
untangling her gut
chewing on her spleen
I m a k e her b l e e d
I m a k e her s i n g
I m a k e her l o v e y o u
I m a k e her l i v e
Yeah..? well I make her who she is
And iM just here to watch the show
I want the pen back this is my piece…
I make her believe in writing
The wrong with an angle of
Secreted disbelief
Tearing the corners of her
Cellular membranes
Because we are trapped inside
Until we are free

Free to see that
Eve.retarded.thing
Came from a beginning
New as the threads of
My [nonexistent] guitar
Shredding the trail
Of innocence
Like the gas produced from
The Cheese of a Cheese azzipizza
Simply simple

Like She

She who was faaaaaaaar from
     idle     
and
whose pain was introspectively
permissible

Because

     Being sacked kept her radiant
     and me off the force;
     plundering in the havoc
     exerting the exactness of
     insanity |doubling my mentality
     as the onli source of sanity|      

See it is extremely
simple
|Simply simple|
to get lost
when iT.gets rearranged;
lusting over
all things naturally occurring
like the wizard of oz and
chewy tacos mixed with jelly.

Anything is enough to
F**k someone a.way..

Reviews

[E. M. Murren]

Okay... you had me up until chewy tacos mixed with jelly... ewwww. LOL Seriously brilliant work. It feels so flow of consciousness... which if it is... wow. If it's not... still... wow... Well done. It is roller coaster ride of imagery, metaphor, and emotional volitility. Bravo.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

I have to admit I also dont know what 'USofL: Just.an.Occurrence' (sorry)

This is very unique....a well written piece !!!

[lostintheworld]

clock locked
three twelve 7even

c**k locked- c**k is all up in there- which makes sense cause first off i see 3:12- almost like 3:15...but then of course youadded 22 to the mix
which we both know is symbolic- it's not safe

"short.l o n g. redead --- red like stop, danger you dont want them interjecting just yet...you're deciding....

"the hands placed
in their place
as my place
began to shift
melodically"
---- they are taking over now.... the shifting is happening and you taste it a bit rolling it over your tongue- deciding who has the power...determining why this voice is manifesting- what part of you needs this voice to speak now....

"evolving the shapes
into fragments
of in.time.ate
thought as radically
as the world
renewed its
melodramatic box silhouette"
so this section i see as pulling the selves together trying to find this completion of self- very much in a clarissa dalloway virginia wolf sort of way.... melodramatic...hmmm. feigning emotions///the shadow of emotions...the shadow of self that lurks behind when you cant quite seek up what it is that you feel....

against the fa�ade-- right like i said- false fronts...cant quite seek up how you feel- where are you?? you you you- who are you??
of an incomplete destiny - yes because there is still some need to pull this whole thing together- to take these voices and not allow them the freedom power to control you...you control them. but first theres the why?? why the facade? why the lack of emotion at times- and that all goes back to flashbacks...in my opinion anyhow....

discorging green leaves --- green like go- you give them to go ahead.
in its face for being
miss.taken
as an add[it]i.on.al source
of man made pollution ---- right pollution....like those dandelions...and the whale and the tuna can...i dont know why i go back to this but i do....what is forced in society....

the soul.less [root]
was just another escape --- yeah exactly the same way i see the coives as an escape for you...and escape from [it] which i again read as flashback and i think you address that in this next passage....whispering for it to stop...whishpering becuase she didn't hear you, wouldnt hear you.... whip her, hurrying...yeah all that too- it's the same really.... the pain entangled in sex. f****r f**k her. others looking in- can they see it, can they see who you are, the past, what's happened...will they judge you- blame you, more than you blame yourself??


�eh baby come �ere I want ter show yer sumtin�

the echo of the chant
following the trails of my shadow
into the corners of my insides
floating beneath between
the sunken stalls in the bathroom
as the door opened
closedshuttight
ohkay, so i'm still feeling this part out... on the surface i see them encroaching on you- suffocating you- the door shutting tight- i just see you shutting the door trying to keep them out and you slide down the back of the door....successful almost...but then they get through anyways...

behind me
treading the tracks of their trade
transitioning from myself
into the flawed pieces drifting
between the gulps of sanity
many.festing my bloodstream
and iM opening...........sEAM
..........................tHE
.....................uP

the seam of you- man festing...many festering. but ya know- nothing is flawed. it might feel that way...but it's not. you're not. maybe that's not what you meant, but it's what i see...so i'm saying it.

we are all here
f*****g up the inner core of She -- they dont f**k up the inner core...they are all you- see thats the thing- it's you.....
the incoherent beast- cause you're always deciphering the metaphors they show you tell you....

I m a k e her b l e e d
I m a k e her s i n g
I m a k e her l o v e y o u
I m a k e her l i v e
Yeah..? well I make her who she is --- so we have the reporter- i think. becuase well she is constantly interjecting and telling you what to do....
And iM just here to watch the show ---peter c- he's like the commentary on all of it...and soemtiems he controls you, or perhaps your wants control him under the guise of him controlling you. just a thought to ponder....
I want the pen back this is my piece� and you
attempting to assert control- which is nice. i like it. you should do it more. really, it's okay. they are all you, different aspects of you and you dont have to hide behind the facade. you really dont.

i'm gonna finish the rest when i can type again...hahaha



in case i didn't say so yet,
i love this poem.
i love you.

[Michelle Jeanette]

Wow! This is really great, and I love the way you'v laid it out. I think my favorite part is "transitioning from myself
into the flawed pieces drifting
between the gulps of sanity
many.festing my bloodstream
and iM opening...........sEAM
..........................tHE
.....................uP "
Very cool piece!

[Raef C. Boylan]

Well...it really grew over the weekend and i'm liking the "add(it)i.on.al" inches.

Some of your best disjointed wordplay seems to be right here:

"in.time.ate" - intimacy consuming over time(?)

"Eve.retarded.thing" (my personal favourite, as 'tarded' always wants to follow on from 'eve' when i say that word) - dissing womankind? It doesn't bug me because i like it, but as always i'm curious.

"many.festing" - many occupying and festering (is what came to my mind)

"evolving the shapes
into fragments
of in.time.ate
thought as radically
as the world
renewed its
melodramatic box silhouette" - the perfect fast-paced cadence of this section is present throughout the whole piece...part, but only part, of what makes this amazing

They kept interrupting, but you've incorporated them seamlessly, which i gotta applaud.
That which we cannot change, we must accept and f**k hard until it gasps for mercy.

They're violent and blunt and threatening but at some point you managed to get one hand on their steering wheel and get y'all back on course. Yo. More applause.

One dominant voice.
One dominant state?
Say the states of a country are always at war with each other, but they all have grudging respect for the power or diplomacy or whatever of one other state...forgot where i was going with this, but i guess that that state would have the overall say and i mistook it for you at first which is stupid on many counts, mostly 'cos 'you' is an indefinable word (is indefinable even i word? i.don'tthink.so) yet maybe it is 'you', the 'you' who 'you' regard as being the most comfortable company...

"Yeah..? well I make her who she is
And iM just here to watch the show - maybe this is the dominant one of Them...
I want the pen back this is my piece� - ...until here...then...
I make her believe in writing - ...back to that dominant one again?
The wrong with an angle of
Secreted disbelief
Tearing the corners of her
Cellular membranes
Because we are trapped inside
Until we are free"

Brilliant f*****g language and imagery throughout.
Despite the heckling or attempts to overthrow, this reads like it's written by someone who's found their voice and has switched on the megaphone in order to shout down history...

...i think i'll be back because there's no way one review could praise this enough.

Locking it in the Favourites vault in the meantime...

Thanks for sharing it, and f*****g yeahhh you for doing do much to it.
It feels finished to me...you?

[V]

I just want to say, first of all, that I am unfamiliar of what USofL is... so I hope I don't make a complete fool of myself due to my ignorance.

As I read this piece I got the sense of a woman who was being abused by a man, and feeling that she was part responsible for it. A powerful piece, with the 'voice' of the poem part outsider, part insider... a voice of reason perhaps... Your style is unique, and I enjoyed the way that it flows. I read it without stopping, virtually. The ending... a surprise... somekind of confusion, a fear of being 'normal' maybe... whatever that might be.
I liked this piece. I'm putting it in my library so I can read it again, and ponder it's deep meaning further.
Thanks for sharing
V.

[Goodbyeguilt]

This is seriously messed up dude lol
(That's a good thing)

It is quite unlike anything I have ever read.
It's confusing for me because I state my thoughts plainly when I write,
that way the reader does not have to interpret anything for him/herself.

Your poem therefore has alot more depth than mine.
So well done you!

GBG - Leah

[Raef C. Boylan]

Gonna come back 'cos want to do this one just.ice.

[Darryl Salach]

this was quite good, your style is unique.

[lostintheworld]

This is amazing.
and I think a new favorite of mine.

This will take some time for me to comment on appropriately...
but
damn.