The Living Room

A memoir about change and my living room.

My Living Room changed again recently. Now it feels backwards. The couch that used to be against the wall is not facing away from the entrance which I find strange. The shelf the tv used to be on is completely different. There's an elliptical in the room now, which is neat. I like ellipticals. There's a new cupboard for fancy dishes which doesn’t let you see the dishes like the one at my grandma’s apartment.

It feel more crowded that it did last summer.

Granted last summer it was basically just me who lived in this house. Now I’m back from university and everything has changed.

My dad’s girlfriend moved in. I said I was fine with it, but I didn’t really have a choice. I’ve never been the one to throw a fit when some big change happens. Well, not before the change happens.

When I’m told about a new change I put on the face. You know, the face where everything is ok because the people making the decision feel like it will make them happier, and it’s not like you can do anything about it.

I put on the face a lot.

My mom and dad told me they were getting a divorce after coming home from my mom’s birthday dinner one year. We didn’t even get to have the cake before they told me. They cried more than I did, but the face does that. They asked me why I was so mature, I think they might have said I was perfect. I told them I had caught the second half of Dr. Phil everyday when I came home from school. It was what was on the tv at the time and I didn’t want to do my homework.

I kept the face on for a while after that. It was helpful, but maybe it wasn’t.

The family therapist told my parents that I was totally normal. Like I wasn’t affected by their divorce.

The face said I just wanted them to be happy.

I didn’t say much when my mom got an apartment in my home town. What was there to say.

I got worried when my dad got a condo in the city, and the face was put back on.

I was really happy when we moved back into my house.

Then the living room changed.

The couch and the tv were still in the same place, and we still had our ottoman. The room wasn’t crowded, and you could do a bunch of things with it.

But they painted the walls a light cream instead of the rich brown it had been. And the face didn’t save me that time.

I never liked change, and this change shifted my view of the living room. It was different now. It was the living room of my Dads first long-term girlfriend after he split with my mom, and she would be living with us. She had been already, technically. She lived in my dad’s condo, and I didn’t care much. I think.

That time is all blurry to me honestly. My grandma thinks I was probably depressed, and I won’t argue with her.

The first girlfriend was strange, but nice. One day she just ran away, and I could tell that really hurt my dad. The face was back on for while again, this time to support my dad as best I could.

There was a lot of time between her and the current one. I like her well enough. She had her own place nearby and my dad would spend a lot of time there, doing work, or otherwise. I had the house to myself most of the summer before University.

So when I was told that my dad’s girlfriend would be moving into my house after I left for University, the face was put on again. It would be fine. I would be gone, and when I got back things would be normal.

They weren’t.

The Living Room changed.

But so did the basement. And so did, what used to be, my art room. And so did entryway. And so did the kitchen.

They changed my room. My Room. They didn’t even ask for that one.

I cried. I complained, and whined and threw a fit.

I don’t like change.

I wish I had a happy ending to this story. But I don’t. My room feels weird. I don’t go in the basement, and the kitchen is similar enough it doesn’t bother me too much.

But the tv in the living room plays videos that target me. Last year they were joyful and uplifting. Now they make people like me the butt of the jokes, a target to be shot at with anything and everything. And what hurts more is the laughter that comes with it.

The face is on again, and they changed the Living Room.