Understand

What do you not understand?

Depression is so much more than some vine in pop culture media

Depression is more than a topic for a five-minute conversation that's quickly forgotten

Depression is more than a 'teenager thing'

It's the darkness of the storm in the beauty of the pouring rain

It's the frown on your face when you just wake up because you know that you'l do something wrong

The feeling of falling even when you're standing up and holding onto the counter because you're alone and you know it's only because no one wants to talk to you

Maybe I'm crazy

Maybe I just have issues that even I can't really understand

Because you just don't seem to understand that my problem is so much bigger than not knowing why you wanted to compliment something I did

You'll never quite grasp why the smile never reaches my eyes

Or why I'll throw myself into conversation just to forget about the simple fact that only family would care if I was gone

And even then, they'd move on

Why do I want to scream all the time?

But I can't; that'd be loud and then someone would yell at me to just shut up already

What's it to you if all I want to do is throw myself into music?

Or if I just want to lay in bed all day and stare at the ceiling?

Depression is something bigger than anyone comprehends

The knowledge that one day all our graves will be the same 

Washed out and faded and ancient

It's like taking that knowledge

And letting it eat away at your head

Letting it consume all your thoughts

Make it dictate your conversations because you're hoping that it'll stop the darkness from eating away at your sanity

Some might say that it's just a phase

That, 'oh, no, sweetie - you'll grow out of it'

But will I? 

Will I be strong enough to overcome the storm?
When there's rain clouding my vision,

And hail stinging my skin,

With debris flying at me everywhere I look?

When you refuse to stand beside me and help me,

To push me forward?

You're standing in a bubble of paradise,

Watching the storm but not seeing me

Please help me understand the beauty in the pouring rain,

Please help me move to your bubble of paradise

Please help me out of this flood of uncertainty and darkness

Please help me control the dark mist moving through my head

Please help me

You don't understand how difficult it is to smile and laugh and joke

When all you feel is tired,

Like you want to lay in bed and never wake up

When the concept of dying seems more like a relief than a burden

Maybe you'll never understand why,

And I hope you never have too,

But after my description,

Are you willing to help me fight a storm that you can't see?

Reviews

[¿]

Ooo...so much vented out here....you.must've had peace after writing it down!!😀
It's nostalgic, energetic, last but not least poetic....
The expressions of the word speaks....how insanely depression sucks our mind!
Strong questions here!!

[Kaia]

Thank you! Yeah, it helped calm my thoughts. I just wish that everyone could understand that it's not just a phase, you know?

[¿]

Indeed!
You're welcome😊