You will come back

Revised version of smth I wrote last summer

Stood on a stage

Uncovered

Our souls touch

Shaken, breathless

It follows 

Adhering behind

They conjure old lines

With such cryptic eyes

It soars on over

Don't come back

Don't come back

Don't come back

From up here - you're

A smooth hollow

Under my wing

Little plaything

What are you?

Blue rose abiding

Entrapped on my path

Petals, eternal

Pistil, elusive

Don't come back

Don't come back

Don't come back

Crimson body

Hypnotic smile

The pattern drips

Like mothers bile.

Go away

And once more

I'm all yours, all the time

Our destined affinity

You and me.

Reviews

[Aura]

Hello Kitty, and welcome to the Café!
Your piece is interesting, and I couldn't help but think that you were talking about anxiety or fear of being on stage, exposed where everyone observes you. Your repetition of the line "don't come back" makes me think that this person does not want their anxiety to overtake them. The last stanza/paragraph states "and once more, I'm all yours, all the time" makes me think that that the person's anxiousness has won this battle and overtook them. Although I could be wrong in my interpretation, I did enjoy reading this! Please do let me know what you had in mind when you wrote this :)

[Kitty]

Hello Aura, I appreciate your time and effort in reviewing my work. Your interpretation is not entirely off as I have struggled with anxiety for a long time. To satisfy your curiosity this poem is about my personal attachment issues, which are understandably a bit more difficult to decipher. I can acknowledge your perception of it as there are certainly elements of anxiety sprinkled into the theme. Thank you for also taking a closer look at some of the verses, and welcoming me. Please have a good day ^__^

[Mk.t.g]

Welcome to the site, Kitty! I loved the composition here and its certainly a well-constructed piece. looking forward to your other works.
Mk.t.g

[Kitty]

Hello Mk.t.g, thank you for welcoming me and for your feedback.

[Mk.t.g]

Your welcome!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Absolutely beautiful love it well done 👍

[Kitty]

Thank you, Julie

[Keagen Cole]

This is probably the most original romance poem I've read in a while. Its format is intriguing, too. Really, keep up the good work, Kitty, 'cause this revision you did was great! :3

[Kitty]

Thank you, Keagen Cole. your praise makes me nervous, but also proud of the work I put into this. I am still avoiding being too vulnerable, though. I want to start trying to post more if possible - to fight back against my anxiety. Have a good day.

[Keagen Cole]

Anytime. ;)

[Wardah]

There’s the saying that courage isn’t not being afraid, it’s doing it anyway. Maybe love is not about not being afraid of all the commitment and vulnerability that comes with it, but about accepting that this will happen, you cannot control all of it and you have to roll with it in the end - love and the longing for connection still wins.

[Kitty]

I understand most of your statements, as my eternal lust for human connection has overpowered me numerous times...Thank you for your review, Wardah.