The letter

A short story with a twist

 

He wants to tell her how much he loves her.

He is sitting, hunched over and sweating, at his desk in the restricted crook of his apartment. The blank sheet of paper lies on the desk, staring back at the man’s equally blank expression. He needs to finish this letter tonight; there is no delaying it any more. His eyes flicker as a rush of words race through his mind, his face is now strained as he carefully beings assembling sentences. Not yet brave enough to stain the paper with ink, in fears that he may shake and blunder, he starts articulating his letter out loud.

“Dear Anna…To Anna….To my dearest Anna”

The man sighs shaking his head and resting it on the palm of his hand.

He glances at the clock; he needed to have this finished an hour ago.

“This is ridiculous” he mutters to himself before grasping his pen, perhaps now he can finally begin.

He falters ever so slightly as the pen touches the bare page, the black ink already beginning to pool around the nib.

“Hi” He scribes on the page in his finest cursive print.

He slants his head to the left, gazing down at the page and studying the word.

Suddenly, in one rapid gesture he swipes his arm across the desk knocking off all the objects, sending them cluttering and clanging to the floor.

His breathing is rapid and shallow; he slowly stands from the desk chair placing his hands as supports on the desks level surface. As his head falls in dissatisfaction his brown fringe cascades down into his line of vision; he stands straight pushing the hair backwards, exhaling as he does.

He doesn't want to do this any longer, he knows what he wants to say, but his hands cannot produce the letters any more than his mind can make them do so.

He rifles through the contents on the floor in search of his now blemished page.

With pen still in hand he begins crudely sketching a word in thick bold letters. He looks down at the paper, shrugs and walks into the bathroom leaving the door slightly cracked behind him.

                                                        *****

“Dad I’m home!”  The young woman shouts as she enters the dim and seemingly empty apartment.

She scans the room waiting for movement and strains her ears anticipating a response.

“Dad?” She yells a little more apprehensively this time.

She notices the clutter near the desk and how the objects appear to have been hurled carelessly. As she is scans the confusion on the floor, a beam of light illuminating the carpet catches her eye as it protrudes from the cracked bathroom door. She steps lightly and cautiously begins edging the bathroom door open.

The light from the bathroom, which is at first blinding, finally reveals the horrifying reality.

The colourless body hangs from a strained rope, pinned to the body is a sheet of paper with one word sketched crudely in thick bold letters.

Sorry. 

Author's Note

I hope the story wasn't too graphic, its my idea for a writing competition I am looking to enter so of course all criticism and corrections are extremely welcomed.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[ron]

OMG, I thought this was a letter to a girl he was in love with, say around Junior High or even High School. I thought to my self "that was exactly what I did with my first love letter". But oh no you flipped it on it's head and then end just blew me away and made the whole short story come together. I love a good twist and this one had me on the ropes like a 90 lb wrestler wrestling a 300 lb Samoan.

Oh ya did I mention this was fantastic?

[Upwnedmyheart]

Wow, thank you so much for your review. Made my day :)

[ron]

You are most welcome. I am happy I made your day :)

[Stefanie Holmes]

There were typos here and there (most of which were pointed out in the other review). I also wondered why you put quotes around "hunched over and sweating"

This story is really sad and unfortunately things like this happen in real life as well.
I thought you wrote it well, it just needs some polishing up with punctuation and grammar. I'd also like to see you expand on the story a little more. :)

~Stefanie

[Upwnedmyheart]

Thank you very much for your review :)

[Darkimmortal]

The first thing that I noticed was the "hunched over and sweating" and wondered why that was in quotations. I checked to make sure that it wasn't for some reason, but I didn't see anything so you might want to look into that.
Also a few typos, "he carefully beings writing sentences" should be begins, "vision; he stands straight" that ought to be either a period or an "and" a semicolon doesn't really work there. Okay now that those are out of the way I can get to the good stuff.

First of all I really really really love the way that you wrote this story. I had been thinking that this was going to be a letter to some long lost love, and that he was unable to find the words to express his happiness. But then as I continued I realized that you were about to take me for a turn.
The beginning of the story was very well done, it caught my interest and held my attention, but the ending seemed to be rushed. I was looking for some gore, horrific descriptions, heart wrenching suspension and it didn't really happen if you don't mind me saying so.
Might I suggest that first you have a longer lead up to when the girl is opening the door. Have her investigate the desk and see the smeared ink and the shredded paper. Then have her slowly work her way to the room, picking out every flaw in the house that she knows before you ever so slowly open the door. Have her mind reel, her heart throb in her chest, her breath catch in her throat and then hit me with the best description of the body that you could ever do. Go over every single detail, her hair her mouth, her eyes, and horrific bloody wounds that have been torn into her flesh... and then release your horror into the world and see how effective it really is.

I really hope that this helped you, I seem to like to ramble. :) But all in all it was a really great read! My comment fails to reflect how much I enjoyed it but I truly did. You could leave it as it it and it is still a really interesting and thought provoking story.

[Upwnedmyheart]

Thank you so much for your feedback , you have no idea how much I appreciate it :)