Who am I?

This poem is about the toxic relationship I was in for four years. It seemed like no matter how many times I said I wouldn't fall for his lies I continued to trust in him.

Who am I ? What have I let myself become?

A person so dependent on your love that I merely can't see through the fog

So blinded by the thought of you that it clouds the very reasons why this wall I've built is there

What have I done?

I've let a person grab so tightly around my heart

That I've let myself lose sight of my interests for yours

I feel as if I'm not alone that everyone has a person in which they make a home

But what is a home when all there is, is pain?

When the mere thought of opening the doors brings back the flood

The flood of hate and agony 

The flood of love and lust

The flood of emotions that I can't bare to relive

Yet, here I am standing in front of this house again

Urning to open the door

But terrified of what's beyond the threshold 

What have I become?

I used to love with all my heart but, now it's locked away

I used to see the good in you

But I've come to see I've ran out of places to look and you've ran out of reasons to let me in

I know what I've become

I'm a connivence for your soul,To know that another being is in your control

That your actions and destructive behaviors

Though they create darkness

They will never create enough for me to leave

I've allowed myself to be a guided light in the darkness in which is your soul

I've allowed you to use every piece of me to put yourself back together

Given every once of love in me so that your happiness can be achieved

But where has that left me?

A million sleepless nights while you lay there sounds asleep

A heart that's locked away while you still hold the key

My heart ache binding me to you, My love that allows me to believe in you

Who have I become?

I can tell you who I've become

A mere shadow of a person who is no longer in existence

A person that I myself don't even recognize her reflection

I've tried so hard to change into the person I once was

But this wall is far to high for even me to try to climb

But yet here I am,

Standing here again

At this door, At this familiar place

That hides so much hate

So eager to let everything I know fade into the past

To step a crossed this very threshold, and let you take control

Here I stand blinded by the love you say you possess 

What have I let myself fall into?

A never ending story, Of broken people trying to find the pieces within each other

Yet to scared to truly love one another