Showtime

Something very Short i was bored and i also was listening to Mirrors by Jhene Aiko Dope artist and thought i would write something along the lines of the song.

“And give it up for the one and the only”

the announcer said as the curtain started to fall. 

At that moment my body went completely numb. I couldn’t move my body. I felt paralyzed, all eyes were on me and at first i loved it. Now it’s something i hate. All the claps and cheers mean nothing because i don’t feel like i should be clapped or cheered on. In that moment i ran back into my dressing room and started to cry. I locked the door so that anyone wouldn’t bother me. I took my hair of the bun that i had put it in and took a tissue wipe and started to wipe off all the make-up that had been applied to my face. Not only was i taking off all the make-up but i was taking off the fake me because this isn’t me. I’ve learned to smile while people were watching and to cry when no one else is around. Practice from 9 am to midnight. Salads and water for breakfast, Lunch and dinner.  I started to stare at myself in the mirror. 

“What has become of you?” the reflection said to me. 

Good question i started to ask myself. What has been become of me? 

“Your so busy pleasing everyone else that you have forgotten that you love draw.” The Reflection said to me in anger. 

She had a point i was very interested in art and wanted to pursue a career in art for sometime, but of course my mother thought it was a terrible idea and not logical so in stead i went with my 2nd choice ballet something i used to do as a child and also something my mother loved as well. 

“You are standing in your own way!!!” My Reflection screamed at me.

She was right once again why please other people when i can’t please myself? this isn’t what i want to do i wanna be so much more than a puppet. how do i break free from these chains? how can i get out? 

As the make-up started to come off. i saw someone who was hurt, broken, and confused. How can everyone else love and adore me when i don’t love and adore myself? I started to cry the pain inside of me couldn’t bottled up anymore. 

My reflection started to pick up a knife. I picked one up one too and started to cut my arm  to cope with the pain i was feeling inside. In a way it felt good. It felt great compared to the pain i was feeling inside. 

All the red blood started oozing down my arm. The color was pretty and beautiful to look at. I started to cut more and more. 

“BANG BANG” i heard at the door it had to be the stage manger asking where i was. i couldn’t hear any of the words he was saying but i knew he was very upset with me.

“Be out in a minute” the reflection said. 

After hearing her say that the banging stopped. 

“Now pull yourself together it’s showtime.” 

And with that i pulled myself together and did what i know how to do best. Fake it till i make it. Smile while the lights were flashing and cry and when the lights go down. 

Author's Note

Just want some thoughts and opinions