Chapter One of X1

This is the first chapter of a book i've have been slowly working to complete now for a year.

 

Chapter 1 Leo

           

            He’d seen the flames licking at the inky black sky as smoke rose up and engulfed the once cloudless night. When he saw that Tyre was burning he wasted little time in heading into the night. Leo had been posted at the furthest outpost from the compound but also the closest to Tyre. The village was a day on foot from his tower while the compound was at minimum two days travel from Tyre. He would likely be the first to arrive. He ran through the forest, tree branches tearing at his hair and clothing, if Tyre was being attacked they would need all the defenders they could get. Truth be told though, it looked like Tyre would be razed to the ground by morning.  The best Leo could hope for would be to make it there and help escort any survivors to the compound where the Captain would be waiting.

 

Though never the best with linguistics Leo could think of a few ways to describe his situation, his first word to describe it would be, miraculous. Completely and utterly astounding that he had made it so far so quickly would be his next couple of words but mainly he was thinking of words to describe the bag he carried. Heavy, dragging, slowing him down, these are all words, which he would use to describe the pack he was carrying up the hillside away from the forest and towards presumable safety. Pains, danger, death, are the words, which, if asked, he would use to describe what would happen should he pause in his ascent. The sun was setting and he knew they would come the second it was dark. The afore mentioned “they” being the Mah’rocks, hulking beasts composed mostly of muscle hair and a bad attitude. Not too unlike his former drill sergeant.  The sergeant however was about seven hundred pounds lighter and eight feet shorter then even the smallest Mah’rock.

 

While the forest had been teeming with life the hill was barren. Stripped of any vegetation by those in the outpost above in order to give them a clear line of sight on any potential attackers. As he made it towards the main gate he noticed only a single sentry had been posted at the entrance. He took a brief moment to wonder if all the people in this village were so trusting of strangers. The thought however was brushed from his mind when he saw a second man on top of the wall with a crossbow trained on him.  Sighing, he shouted he meant no harm before walking towards the sentry, with his hands outstretched to show he held no weapons.

 

Reviews

[Mathias Winters]

An interesting first paragraph, but there might be a bit too much explanation of what is happening without enough dialogue or description. There isn't much initial character development, which helps to keep the story readable, and I feel as though things in the chapter were a bit too vague to understand. Those are just my thoughts though. Keep writing. You have something here. It just needs a little tweaking.