Wonderfully Awful

Being a mother is wonderful
Being a single mother is awful

Filled to the brim with love
Filled with a depression sinking me down to the darkest part of the ocean

Smiling when my daughter smiles
Smiling when the cry is stuck in my chest

I can’t breathe
I haven’t exhaled
I haven’t grieved

She can’t see

So I smile

I smile as sleep deprivation hugs my very being
I smile as the insomnia kisses my longing to sleep goodbye
I smile as I hug my daughter when she falls
I smile when I kiss my daughter as she giggles

I smile when I don’t have the time, or the energy, or the capability to feel the sorrow that grips my soul

Crushing, cracking, depleting, depriving

Me

It is wonderful to be a mother
But you made it awful to be a single one

You made my life

Wonderfully Awful

Author's Note

I hope it’s clear that this is not towards my daughter in the slightest. If that’s unclear, please share advice so that there is no mistake. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. This poem is about her father, never her. Thank you for reading!

Reviews

[The Unknown Sith]

I get it. I think this is well written. I feel the back and forth from the joy of raising a child and the struggle of no support from the other parent.

[alan peter kelly]

This spill is clear. Even as part of a couple raising a child as a younger man, the exhaustion and sleeplessness could be crushing. Sorrow must be a part of the singleness...the vacuum of immediate, essential
support. More power to the woman who transcends it all and raises a child above all manner of fray.