That house

You're supposed to be the person I trust blindly.
Lead me with my eyes closed and senses numbed,
But your expression and tone have destroyed that hope,
We will not be normal and you will never dote.

Instead it's paranoia galore,
A sense of mistrust and disapproval being the grounding force.

I call and there's a tag team just waiting for me to fall,
You have taught me to live privately,
Nothing to be gained from self expression,
I question my every move and everyone else's intentions.

I used your tearing me down to build up my walls,
You've always been in but I need to show you the door,
Then I can hear silence and myself like never before,
Where I can feel hurt and joy with no explanation,
And make decisions myself for myself with no consideration, for how you might feel or what you might like,
Because I am yours but not for you to keep tied.

You wanted me but I'm not what you imagined,
You never fail to show me what you're missing out on,
Compare me to others, you don't have the instinct, that motherly affection,
I see you with others and that makes me desperate,
The attention you could give but hold so close to your chest,
It's a permanent hurt that you like to protect.

You mess me up and you know it,
Tear me down just don't like it when I show it,
guilty nonetheless.

We're not getting along nope not today,
I'm learning all about me and I say what I mean as I mean what I say.