You Said Infatuated

The truth hurts.
Not like a bullet, 
But like a thousand razor blades 
Tracing the veins on my eyelids.
Like tiny blue eyes that should be ours.
Like fireworks next door
When you’re sad home alone.
Like vomiting up your memories after 
Drinking to forget.
Like veins made of poison,
Like every breath is swallowing choking gas.
The truth f*****g rips people apart.
“I am happy for you.”
I say through the tears.
Part of me means it.
Part of me wants to rip that sentence
Into a thousand different pieces,
And on each piece
Write apology after apology 
After apology;
To myself and to you.
Part of me wants to cut off my tongue.
Part of me wants to
Watch you marry her, watch you die
Happy.
Part of me wants to kill myself.
Part of me wants to kill you.
Part of me wants to cry.
Part of me wants to burn the universe down. The rest of me is consumed with
Emptiness