One Little Hello and I'm Back

I miss you
I miss you so much I start drinking too much again
In hopes that it will drown what you left unfinished and untouched
Once I figure that missing you is an inescapable fate
I start chain smoking again
Not ever wanting a breath, or look, of fresh air in the foreseen future
With the thought that maybe I can erase your scent at the very least
Your scent is what's driving me mad the most

I look at my hands and wish I didn't let anyone else touch me
I wish I could say I was only touched by you, and you alone
Then I think of what your hands have touched since we have parted our ways
That's when the madness takes over
When the cookie really starts to crumble

I become violently envious of all the landscapes of flesh, all the spines, all the lips, all the eyelids you have touched and kissed since mine
I breakdown at the thought of how many breaths you have locked away in your collar bones
From making all the fortunate specimens sigh from pleasure, and amusement, and maybe even love

Those should be my sighs
Those should be my breaths
That should be my love
But it isn't and its too late

So I search for anything to hold on to
Any boy I can make you envious with
Fighting fire with fire was never effective but always my messy way of handling things
When my lungs feel raw enough from smoke
My stomach and head feel dizzy from alcohol
I realize I've punished myself enough for letting you go
For tonight
For now
I'm more than sure I will be back tomorrow