What If

My health is so bad that the mental pain of living life is too much sometimes.

What if I never live another day?
Will this body destroy itself slowly?
In ways that torture me little by little
And eventually take my breath away.

What if I had ended it when I tried to?
Would I have saved myself from pain?
Cut off a branch from this family tree
For my womb is unlikely to carry through.

What if this is the start of my end?
Should I leave and be alone as I feel?
Stop faking the smile that is ever weary
As happiness is something I apprehend.

I cannot stop the "what if" in the thoughts I create
This mindfulness act is ever-so fake
"Living in the moment" that death may take
For my own funeral, I should not be late.

Reviews

[Soot]

Every day is good time for living and dying. We should be more prepare to accept our very last day. I am scared how my dying it will be. It will be painful or it will be full of fear and panic ?

I like your idea and way how you put your words together. Your acceptance of death make this writing quiet powerful. Your each question is very beautiful and bitter at same time. Quiet refreshing writing here.