Emerald Jade Universe

This is my first shot @ multiverse...Not sure I how close I came to the target of it's essence but It was fun to write. I am an old school poet, somewhat fettered to rhyme, I gave it my best 1st shot.

Green was the deepness of the skies…

As was the emerald forest

That filled the expanse, from horizon to horizon. 

Then that sound…

That sound that thundered in my soul!

Was this a dream, I dreadfully mused?

I turned to face the thunderous eurhythmic percussion …

A towering torrent…a waterfall of molten jade,

Assaulting the river below giving to rise to it’s rage!

In a moment of exquisite terror,

I froze in an envious moment of time.

The torrent engulfed the rich green valley,

Lifting me up past the jealous mountain peaks.

My soul was inundated as was the world beneath me.

Where is this place what could it all mean…

Why a world of emerald  jade green?

The tempest quelled...

As I lay floating helpless and supine,

On a sea of emerald green glass…

I gazed up into deepness of the dark green skies.

It was only then I realized…

Upon closer inspection of my own reflection,

I’d been taken captive,

Immersed, baptized, capsized…

Hypnotized, immobilized…

Abandoned and adrift…

In the universe…

…of her green eyes.

Author's Note

First shot at multiverse, I think.. Give me a shout out & let me know what you think...

Reviews

[Chris]

Welcome to WC...

The end was "telling" and precious.

[Wrenlane]

Thanks Chris, always appreciate feed back/comments. This was my first shot at multiverse as it is hard for me to brake away from the traditional poetry that I have been writing for years. I will get over and read some or yours when I can. Thanks again.

[Chris]

I think "tradition" is what we make of it anymore...

[KWP]

Ahh the multiverse ... my dad and I often talk about space and the strange goings on out there ... he as the most amazing thinking mind and he always sets my thought patterns in a new directiom. I had always known there was more than this known universe. Well course there is, nothing ever stops at the here and now for we have a long way to travel back back back to the ultimate truth ... but I am rambling ... it is such fondness that I think of conversations shared with my daddio :D

Your words here well yes, we are all abandoned and adrift in this great pool of the everywhen ... I guess the key is to enjoy that adriftness, not worry or possess fear, for everything is but a tiny passing moment.

I feel your work here can be written and read very nicely as a prose piece instead of traditional poetry form. I would also like to see you lose the line 'damn this dream what could it mean' i reckon in poetry everything is but a dream and nothing needs explaining :D

I like your descriptiveness jumping all over the great span of it all and I particularly like your ending X

[Wrenlane]

Well here I am back in the proverbial saddle, reading your review. Sounds like you had a great relationship with your Dad and that he had much to do with influencing your soul and your way of looking at the world, the universe. That in itself is awesome as not everyone is that blessed.

Yes breaking away from the traditional and strictly using pros is still a bit of a challenge. Not that I can't it's just a habitual that I have done for years. And of course I still love writing that way but never sell out to rhyme or rhythm at the cost of not getting across the thoughts or ideas I am striving for. You stated you would like me to lose the line 'damn this dream what could it mean'. Was your objection that I was damning the dream or acknowledging that within the context of the narrative that I was trying to decide whether or not it was a dream…Just curious?

Glad you liked the ending! You may live, work and play in a land that the world affectionately refers to as ‘down under’ But to me, as evidenced by your writing, that your spirit traverses a much higher plane. Thanks for the review…always good to hear from you.

[KWP]

the dream line to me made everything that come before 'unreal', imaginary even ... I don;t think you need it - for anything is possible - it gave me a kind of POOF and gone effect :)

hope your evening is lovely - i just got up and there's quite a chill in the air .... brrrrr X

[Wrenlane]

Okay KWP...I get your point, hopefully this will unPOOF you and you can shed 'the gone effect'! This is the change: "Where is this place what could it mean…" Oh and a few seconds and check out the change I made to the accompanying photo at the top.

Oh yes...is this possibly your first day of fall weather? I say that because it is our fist day of spring here. Okay stay warm

[KWP]

i like it :)

yes its Autumn, has been since March 1 ..