God of Nothingness *REVAMPED*

This is the revamped version of my very first story 'God of Nothingness'

“The saddest kind of sad is when your tears can’t even drop and you feel nothing. It’s like the world just ended. You don’t cry, you don’t hear, you don’t see. You just remain silent and for a second, you can feel your heart dying.”

-Tutankhamun

EGYPT, CURRENT CAPITAL MEMPHIS, YEAR 1362BC

Have you ever wondered that perhaps you are the one who seal’s the person’s faith? Sadly, there is no answer to that, but I always pondered that perhaps he would have been alive if I, his sister, his wife, his dearest friend would have been there to hold his hand and whisper to him that he will never be alone.

How I wished I had such courage to tell him this.

But, it had been too late, and it is killing me inside. Within every day, I am slowly dying inside as the guilt is leaving opening wounds in my heart. I could feel tears roll down my cheeks as I manage a small whimper. “I’m sorry, my little brother…”

EGYPT, THEBES-THE GLORIOUS CAPITAL, 1359BC

Ankhesenamun sat on her throne, speaking to the royal advisors who had hoped to hear opinion on the current issues surrounding Egypt’s relationship with the foreign lands. Ankhesenamun sighed and rubbed her chin in contemplation. “Such matters belong to be spoken with my husband. I am afraid I cannot answer your question.”

Horemheb sighed. “This is what I fear, My Grace.” Ankhesenamun leaned in closer, feeling puzzled.

“I believe I do not understand what you mean by this, Horemheb.” Horemheb leaned closer to the Queen, whispering. “His Majesty has no longer been showing his passion for ruling the country with justice or devotion.”

Ankhesenamun sighed, and wiped a few tear strands from the corners of her eyes. “Whatever has happened, only Tutankhamun may speak his opinion upon this issue.”

“Perhaps Princess Setepenre may be of such helpful service.” Aye pondered.

Horemheb glared. “No, Aye. Lord Tutankhamun has forbidden Princess Setepenre from interfering with the war affairs. Do not be ridiculous. This is an important matter, Aye.”

“We cannot rely only upon Lord Tutankhamun! His health is not the same as it used to be!”

Ankhesenamun growled silently. “Silence!” She commanded. “I have surpresed that once my husband shall return, you will be able to discuss this matter. Now leave! You are giving me such a headache from your ridiculous bickering.” Aye and Horemheb bowed to their Queen, before leaving the throne room.

“Such old fools they are, are they not, sister?” She heard a mimicking voice as her eyes met the same dark, yet beautiful and delicate black eyes.

“Tutankhamun, have you been listening to our conversation, brother?”

Tutankhamun merely surpresed a smirk, sitting down on his golden throne. “I do believe you know the answer, sister and need I remind you that rumors come soon upon every servant, every harem w***e or even the little peasants working in the stables?” Ankhesenamun pursed her lips together as Tutankhamun raised an eyebrow. “Such a foolish woman you are, Ankhesenamun. You cannot escape from the cold words that emerge deep within you. You should have known this by the time father was still alive before he suffered his rightful and painful death.”

Ankhesenamun gasped. “How dare you to bring up the horrid death of our father?!”

“But is this not what you wanted, my naïve sister?” Tutankhamun whispered, as Ankhesenamun looked at him horrified.

“How dare you, brother?! How dare such words come from your mouth?! Father did not deserve such brutal demise!” Tutankhamun only chuckled. “Ah yes, I remember now. You have always been father’s little obedient daughter, and you have remained one. I am very disappointed.”

“Silence!” Ankhesenamun hissed.

Tutankhamun glared at her. “Silence is such a mere word, but when you are emerging into the deep darkness in your soul, it becomes your only friend, as the bubble you have created is your only savior from the cruel reality.”

He then glared at Ankhesenamun, speaking. “Remember my words, Ankhesenamun. Once you will fall into your own despair, you will never escape from it…”

Ankhesenamun held her breath for a moment, trying to calm down herself as her body shook with fear. Tutankhamun only sighed at her, before silently leaving the throne room.

“I should follow him. Only Amun may tell what my brother shall think of.” Ankhesenamun followed suit, closing the doors shut.

She followed her brother as a lion approaching its prey when she stopped dead in her tracks. It had been the mourning chamber of the late Queen Beketaten. She dropped on her knee, whispering a silent prayer, before glancing at her brother.

“Forgive me for not such often visits, mother. I have been visiting Meriasankhaten’s tomb deep in the Valley of the Kings.”

Ankhesenamun could feel tears roll down her cheeks as she tried to suppress an anguished sob, yet she tried to remain silent. He must miss them dearly. She thought sadly.

“Can you believe it has already been nine dammed year since you have left me all alone, mother?” Tutankhamun murmured coldly.

“She did not want to leave this world so early…”

Tutankhamun glanced at Ankhesenamun, before sighing. “I should have believed that you would have followed me.”

“I am sorry. I came to pray for Queen Beketaten. I hope her journey in the afterlife is filled with peace.” Tutankhamun glared at her, laughing. “Peace? Oh, don’t make me laugh! She will never have peace because father sinned her pure heart! Her journey in the afterlife is breathing hell.”

“Tutankhamun! We cannot speak such way when we are in the presence of the Gods!” Ankhesenamun dropped on her knee, praying for forgiveness to the gods.

Tutankhamun rolled his eyes, sighing in irritation. “Rise, woman! You do not need to be such a petty Queen, bowing her head to every little prayer. The Gods cannot hear you.”

Ankhesenamun shook her head. “The Gods have turned against you once you have stopped praying, brother.”

“Queen Beketaten would have not suffered such a tragic faith if it had not been for your cruelty or carelessness. Meriasankhaten had suffered such tragic faith only because you refused to believe in our Gods. We have lost our beautiful daughters because you had forgotten your prayers… you are selfish as father had been. You criticize father, yet you are the same as him. I thought that our love shall heal your heart, but I was wrong. You are a cruel b*****d.”

Ankhesenamun felt herself sobbing violently before rushing of the chambers, into the safety of her own world. And yet if she knew that the words she uttered would damage her brother beyond healing.

Then she would have never spoken those words…

THE OPET FESTIVAL, IN THE QUIET DISTRINCT OF THE ABANDONED TEL EL ARMANA

It had been such a cold morning, as the wind blew hazily upon the living as the palm trees sang a silent lullaby , dancing along the wind as the Nile River formed little curls upon the surface of the deep waters as the sun had turned grayish red. This kind of beauty is rare, and once your eyes can see it, it something you will never be able to forget.

The Opet festival had just begun, yet Tutankhamun wished for them to go to their archery lessons every morning. Just when Ankhesenamun thought Tutankhamun could not be anymore selfish, she was proven wrong. He only cared about himself.

As they were walking through the deserts, silence filled in the atmosphere. Setepenre and her lover, Nebet could have felt the branching tension between the Pharaoh and the Queen. Thankfully, they reached a small distinct and rocky shore of the Tel El Armana. “We will be climbing up the unsteady hill. Follow my lead and do not fool around.” Tutankhamun hissed.

As they began to climb the rocky hill to the beautiful view up the hill, Setepenre could have told that Tutankhamun had been more silent than usual of him, however, she believed that he and Ankhesenamun had gotten into an argument as they have been doing such for the past two years.

Just as they reached the hill, none of them could have let out a breath as Tutankhamun with a speed of a lion jumped of the cliff into the deeps of the Nile.

Ankhesenamun let out a violent scream as she felt the world around her dying. She could have only managed to hold her breath when her eyes witnessed a tragic scene. Her brother, her husband had let himself fall in the hands of death and she could have done nothing to save him.

Ankhesenamun let out anguished cries as she dropped on her knees, crawling up the dangerous peek of the hill, hoping to find her brother, and yet to no avail. She began screaming violently, as tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She had lost her remaining friend. She lost her husband and brother, and she could have done nothing to save him.

“Ankhesenamun…” Setepenre whispered.

“He chose the hands of death that was leading him to his eternal sleep….” Ankhesenamun whispered between sobs.

“He was not happy with his life. He felt lonely and miserable and I could have not seen such tragic demons lurking within him. I could have not been there for him as he had been for me. I’m sorry, little brother… I’m so sorry.”

THE MOURNING PRAYERS, A FEW DAYS, PERHAPS A FEW MONTHS LATER

Tutankhamun slightly blinked as his body burned with pain. He began coughing as blood dripped down his mouth. He could only hiss in pain as his body felt numb. He tried to take deep breaths, yet each one was too painful for him to bear.

He blinked, trying to see a specter of light, yet he felt too tired. He sighed as he looked upon his reflection. He could not speak… he was horrified. The man that had been looking upon him with such dead eyes may have not been a human, but a living corpse. The right side of his face had no longer bear the marks of flesh, only soiled bones, as his body had yet been missing of its flesh, as bones had been visible trough the torn fabrics.

Tutankhamun could have only let out painful cries. He was horrified. He had became a monster that cannot walk this earth. He was horrified by looking at his deep black soiled bones.

The burning pain was such torture that he could not hold it back. He began to howl from the pain, praying that someone will hear his cries.

“Who have I become..” Tutankhamun cried out, as tears rolled down his cheeks.

He was truly mortified by such ugliness of his body and soul. Had this been the consequence of his pitiful and selfish behavior? He could only let out painful cries. He was such an ugly soul. He had became an old and ugly ragged doll that a child would no longer play with.

“Forgive me, mamma. Forgive me, Merit… I…I am a monster…” He managed to breath out before breaking into tears.

He layed on the cold sand as the wind blew through his body as he shivered from the coldness evading him, yet the mental pain had been his true suffering. He continued to howl, until he no longer had energy within his body as he closed his eyes.

IN THE QUIET RURAL AREA OF THEBES

Tutankhamun blinked heavily when a warm smile caught his attention. The beautiful smile had reminded him of his beloved mother. She had such deep black eyes, just like him, as her big black curly hair fell gently on her shoulders as her pale skin shinned brightly in the light. He began to feel tears roll down his cheeks. He missed his mother deeply. He felt so lonely in this world without her. He wished she had been here with him.

“My prayers have been heard.” The woman whispered.

Tutankhamun averted his eyes, sighing in sadness. “The Gods have long forgotten me.” He whispered bitterly.

“Oh, do not say such words, my dear child. I have heard your pleading cries as I have brought you upon my small nursery. Amun had truly given you mercy that I have found you, child, otherwise, Anubis would have brought your soul with him to the eternal journey in the afterlife.”

“Afterlife seems such a peaceful place for someone with a scarred soul.” Tutankhamun spoke bitterly. “I belong in hell. You do not know of my coldness and selfishness to believe I belong in the afterlife.”

“Yet your heart is pure enough to pass through the trial.” The woman spoke, ducking a small cloth in water full of healing herbs.

Tutankhamun rolled his eyes, feeling irritated that this woman has such hopes of his peaceful journey in the afterlife. She reminded him much of his sister, Ankhesenamun- naïve and innocent like a little lost dove. That’s right… she was as beautiful and kind as his sister.

He missed her so much, and although he may not admit it… he is lost without Ankhesenamun.

As he peeked through the window, his eyes glanced upon a young girl, perhaps no older than twelve years of age, cradling a little infant in her bosom. He felt his heart stinge. He can still remember that day very clearly…

“Such a poor child Ahmet is. Her father had used her for his needs to have another male heir, and yet many of his wives gave him a son. Once she gave birth to a baby girl, he told her to leave the palace. She was a shame too him. Truly sad to know such men walk this earth.”

“Father had done such to my sister when she was only eleven years old…” Tutankhamun frowned.

The woman sighed, wiping hear tears with a soft linen cloth. “It is truly a pressure to young girls born as a Pharaoh’s daughter. If the Pharaoh does not have a son with one of his wives, then his young daughters must suffer such rigorous labor. Many of them die…”

Tutankhamun frowned, as he could feel heaviness in his chest. “Meketaten died during childbirth. She was too young to have a child. She was not psychically ready to bear the stress of childbirth.”

“How old was she?” The woman asked, as Tutankhamun lowered his head, averting his eyes.

“She was only eleven years old.” He whispered.

“Oh My! Such a poor little girl… She was not ready to give birth to a baby. Her hips were too narrow and there had so many risks concerning her health. I am deeply sorry for your loss.”

“Meketaten was not the only one of my sisters whom father had caused such pain to.”

Tutankhamun noticed that the woman’s face paled as her body was trembling, as tears rolled down her cheeks. He could not tell why, but he brought her closer to his bosom and held her tightly, kissing her forehead. “You are not alone.” He whispered to her, as the beautiful woman placed her head on his chest. “Thank you…”

“You too have vivid dreams of somebody you loved dearly dying by the hands of your own father’s needs… I can tell that.”

Tutankhamun pursed his lips together, trying to prevent tears from rolling down his cheeks. He remembers the tragic day that had happened twelve years ago.

EGYPT, AKHETATEN, YEAR 1347BC

He can still remember it clearly…

His sister lying in bed. Tears are rolling down her cheeks as the wet nurses are wiping of the sweat and blood of his sisters body. She was crying from pain, he could have told.

“I am deeply sorry, Ankhesa. It’s a baby girl.” Tia whispered as she brought his sister the bundle and placed it in her arms.

“Father will not care. He wished for a son.” Ankhesenamun whispered as she held her little daughter in her arms.

“Ankhese?” Tutankhamun whispered as he entered the chambers. The strong scent of blood made him noscious, yet he had to fight it. His sister needed immense support.

“No, Tutankhaten. You cannot enter the chambers. You are too young to witness such sighting.” Tia said to him, frowning, but Tutankhamun did not listen to her.

“Ankhese?” He asked his sister again. She then glared at him. “Go away! This is your fault! If you had been born to my mother, neither I, Meritaten or Meketaten would have suffered! GO AWAY!” Ankhesenamun yelled, as she held her baby girl close to her chest, sobbing.

Tutankhamun could feel tears roll down his cheeks, as he got of his sister’s bed and began to leave, when he looked at her. “I’m sorry…” He couldn’t manage to say anything else.

And this had been the day his heart turned stone cold…

PRESENT DAY, IN THE QUIET RURAL AREA OF THEBES

“I am so sorry that you had to hear such words.” The woman cried out, hugging him tightly. “You did not deserve such.”

Tutankhamun shook his head, as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I know that she resents me till this very day. I had once heard that she has fallen in love with a man named, Bekmet, and she wished to marry him, and if so, I shall let her go. She will be happier with him.”

Her face paled at the moment she heard that name. Tutankhamun frowned. “What is the matter? Has Bekmet done this to you?!” She shook her head, looking down. “I said tell me the truth!! NOW!”

She began to shake violently, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “My cousin’s name was Bekmet, but I do not believe that this is the man whom your sister is going to marry.”

“What has that b*****d done to you?!” Tutankhamun growled as she sighed. “When I had just reached my tenth birthday, he lured me to his bedchambers, saying he wishes for me to have a necklace he brought back from the foreign lands, however, he… he ended up using me for his sexual needs.”

“How long had that been happening for?!”

“For six years I had suffered such pain he brought me. I had once fallen pregnant, yet I ended up miscarrying. I was eleven when I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy.”

Tutankhamun remained silent, but the images of his baby daughter wrapped in a blanket, covered in a linen blanket never left his mind. He dropped on his knees and began to cry in anguish.

“She would have been three years old. She would have been here with me, in my bosom, as I would hold her close, whispering loving words to her ear.” He sobbed. “I lost her… I could have never seen her grow up.”

He looked up to her, sighing. “Three years ago, Ankhesenamun and I welcomed a baby girl. She was so beautiful. She reminded me much of my sister, Merit, and I dreamed of naming her after my sister. I was so happy to hold her in my arms, until blood began dripping down her mouth as he lips turned pale and body grew cold.” He could not finish his words as he broke down into tears. “A royal psychian soon came in, and yet he told me that we lost her. I LOST HER!”

EGYPT, MALKATA, YEAR 1356BC

Tutankhamun stood by the doors, his eyes fixed to the doors that hid its owner from sight. He frowned, pursing his lips together. He was terrified beyond. He hoped that she shall live. He had already lost a daughter a year ago, and his sister too had died shortly after Ankhesenamun miscarried.

He looked around himself, sighing in sadness or grievance, he couldn’t tell. He sighed again, as his body trembled in fear. He was soon ripped from his thoughts when Maia went up to him. “Congratulations, Tamun, it’s a baby girl.”

“Is she healthy?” He asked her worriedly.

“Yes, My Lord. She is beautiful and healthy. Her Grace is currently resting as her labor had been difficult.” Tutankhamun took a deep breath and entered the chamber.

He took a deep breath again and walked over to the cradle where his daughter slept.

“You’re so beautiful, Meri.” He whispered, smiling. He had not smiled in a long time, as he looked upon Ankhesenamun who was soundly sleeping. “Thank you, Ankhesenamun. I am proud of you.”

He then looked at his beautiful daughter and could not help but to smile. His smile grew wider when his newborn baby flustered her eyes open. She had his eyes. He could not help but to cry as he held her closely. He was so happy to have her now in his life.

He wanted to look at her eyes when horror reached out to him. Blood began dripping down her mouth as she began coughing violently. “Maia!! Bring the psychian, immediately! MY DAUGHTER IS DYING!!” He cried out, while clutching her in his bosom.

However, it was too late. His precious baby girl passed away…

He was mortified. He had lost her. He had only spent a few minutes with her and now she was gone. His precious angel was gone. How was he going to cope with it? And all he could have done was to cry. He felt so ashamed of himself. If only he would have noticed sooner, then his daughter would have been alive. “I’m sorry, Meri, I’m so sorry…” With that he closed himself within the darkness.

PRESENT DAY, IN THE QUIET RURAL AREA OF THEBES

“When I lost her, I found the world around me dying. I didn’t have a purpose to live for. She was my world, but I lost her too.”

He then sighed, looking through the window. “You know, I do wonder what would have happened if I had been the one to die that day. I already accepted darkness in my soul, as death only seemed not so far away.”

“To be fairly honest, I wish to die alongside you. I cannot live in this cruel world where no one hears your cries, your painful screams. Nobody cares if I am alone to fight with my demons.” The woman spoke as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“The saddest kind of sad is when your tears can’t even drop and you feel nothing. It’s like the world just ended. You don’t cry, you don’t hear, you don’t see. You just remain silent and for a second, you can feel your heart dying.” Tutankhamun spoke, feeling so much bitter anger invoked in him.

The woman sighed again. “I cannot imagine how I would cope if the emotions I bottled up in my heart. I cannot let my demons evoke me, or otherwise I may do the unthinkable.”

Tutankhamun did not say a word, and truth to be told, he would not be able to cope if he had revealed his inner demons he had been fighting with for twelve dammed years, and yet, nobody had noticed how he struggled to cope, and he ended up dying in the inside. He became a living corpse: dead in the inside, alive in the outside.

EGYPT, AKHETATEN, YEAR 1346BC

Tutankhamun sobbed as he held his mother’s hand, gently caressing it. “Mamma?” He whispered tiredly.

Beautiful brown eyes glanced at him with pain and tiredness, yet a smiled formed on her lips. “My sweet love.” She spoke sadly, gently touching his cheek. “Please do not cry, my baby love.”

“Please don’t die, mamma! Please mamma!” He cried out, grasping her hand tightly, as tears rolled down my cheeks. “Please, my sweet love, do not cry. I shall cry to!” Beketaten cried.

“I’m sorry, mamma…” Tutankhamun whispered, wiping his tears away.

“Mother?” He turned around, seeing his elder sister, Meriasankhaten standing by the doors of their mother’s chambers, with tears in her eyes. Beketaten smiled painfully. “My sweet love, please come.” Meriasankhaten with heavy steps came up to her mother’s bed, kissing her forehead.

Beketaten then sighed. “Promise me that you shall have a bond that will never be broken. Please be there for each other… I…I love you, my angels. Forgive me that I shall be leaving you…” With her final breath, Beketaten passed away.

“Mamma…” Tutankhamun whispered, as he looked at Meriasankhaten who whispered. “She’s gone, Tamun. Mother has left us.”

PRESENT DAY, IN THE QUIET RURAL AREA OF THEBES

“Are you alright?” He heard the woman calling out to him, as he looked at her, and yet he could not see her. He could feel his inner demons emergining from within him, as a smile formed on his lips. He could feel his heart drop… the demons have won the battle.

“You must leave!” He commanded to her, as she looked at him with pure terror.

“You don’t have much time!” She shook her head as Tutankhamun growled in anger. “Leave, woman! I cannot control the inner demons that have awoken! If you shall not leave…I…I”

“Please fight your inner demons! Do not let them suffocate you! If so, than you shall never find peace in this earth once you will die!” She pleaded to him.

“Fight my inner demons?!” Tutankhamun growled. “They have been my only companions when I could not fall asleep during nights. They were the ones to understand me when no one had understood me, and they opened me to the world where this hellish reality was nothing but an illusion!” He laughing, walking closer to the terrified woman.

He looked at her with such a deadly stare while playing with her hair. “I have given you a choice, woman.”

She took a deep breath, as she looked at his dull eyes. They were do dark that the irises had long disappeared. “My sweet love, you are not a beast that crawls trough the nights, searching for its prey.”

“Sweet love….” Tutankhamun whispered as tears rolled down his cheeks, as he hugged her tightly.

“Why did you leave me, mamma?” He whispered tiredly, as the woman bit her lips, feeling guilt consuming her, however, she cannot go back. She had uttered the words that could have not be undone.

“Forgive me, my sweet love. The Gods had forsaken such sad faith of me.”

“No, you are not speaking the truth, Meritmet. You have wished to leave me alone in this forsaken and cruel world to cry bitter tears every night, dreaming of your demise.”

“No, my sweet love, I would have never thought of such!”

“Lies!” Tutankhamun hissed, grabbing her wrists. “I was your bitter burden, wasn’t I, mother?! TELL ME!” He growled as she did not dare to speak a word. “I have heard every word you had spoken of me! You have told father that I had been such a deep burden placed upon you! You don’t remember speaking the words that broke me?!”

Her eyes widened in fear, as blood began dripping down her body. She clutched her heart in pain, as she looked upon him with such pain. “Why have you done such a sin…. I have been here for you, and yet you have killed me. Please tell me why I had deserved such a faith? Why…”

However, not hearing a respond she wished for, she spoke to him with bitter anger. “Perhaps that is why your mother had wished you had not been born. You were too selfish. You do not deserve to live. I hope you shall suffer such demise as I had.”

“Do not fear, I have already died long ago.” In fear the woman coughed blood. “What are you speaking of? Has the demons invoked such anger upon you that you cannot be free from the bubble you have created to escape reality? If so, I have been living in this bitter bubble for such a long time…”

Tutankhamun looked at her with no emotion as her breathing became heavier. “If I shall die, please do give me a proper burial… my… my name was Neferneferure….”

Tutankhamun’s body began shaking violently. He dropped on his knees, crawling up to the lifeless body of the beautiful and kind woman he had killed. He could have not believed that he had murdered his own elder sister he had been longing to find. He killed her… he killed his own precious sister.

He wished to cry, but tears would not fall, and now he felt vulnerable and weak. He could not feel a single drop of guilt or grievance, and even though he grieved for her, all those emotions just felt dead inside. He felt nothing.

He knew he should have given her a proper burial, and yet, he would not grant her final wishes. He was terrified to ever think that his sister would be threw aside as a used ragged doll a child would not play with anymore if they had seen him.

He resembled a living corpse, and perhaps he was one. It is not like he felt alive anymore.

He looked in the mirror. He felt growing horror inside. He was….ugly. He did not resemble a human being, but only a living corpse with lifeless eyes and skin that had been rotting of that his bones were visible.

As he looked down on the lifeless body of his beloved elder sister, he felt thirst evading him, but he had to fight back the urge. He could not become such a living beast. He cannot drink the blood of his sister. He was not a cannibal.

Or was he? Such thoughts made him horrified of an ugly human being he had become.

He was no longer a human being. He was a sadistic and vial creature that feels desire to drink the blood of his victims; but, he was not like that, was he? … He was.

He could feel tears roll down his cheeks as blood dripped down from his mouth. He was horrified by the scent of poisonous blood that flooded out of his body. It made him feel weak, and worst, it made him feel thirst. God, he truly was a beast.

He felt such deep thirst, and even if he tried to fight the urge, he couldn’t. He had to feed. He needed to gain strength. He needed to feel beautiful as his mother always wished of him to be, and now he felt like he disappointed her. He knew that if she had witnessed him, she would be horrified of him.

He knows he has to feed of blood to survive…

EGYPT, NORTH PALACE IN THEBES

Ankhesenamun looked tiredly at the image of a little boy sitting on a lotus flower, as she felt that she was crying again. “The world was too cruel to you…” She murmured between sobs.

“Your Majesty, please do get some rest. Your health is not of what it used to be.” Tia spoke.

“I no longer care, Tia. Nothing matters to me anymore in a world like this.”

Tia sighed. “Lord Tutankhamun would be disappointed of seeing your mourning for him.”

Ankhesenamun glared at her. “How dare you?! How dare you say such words?! Leave! Get out of my sight!” Ankhesenamun hissed at her, as Tia bowed and scurried of.

Ankhesenamun began to cry. She felt so lonely and misunderstood. Nobody had heard her anguished cries during the nights, and it is not like anybody would have cared. They forgot about her. They do not need her anymore. She sighed and looked upon her reflection in the mirror. “Ironic, isn’t it? I had forgotten about him long ago, and now, I am the one who remained alone and unloved.”

If only had she realized that Tutankhamun suffered such pain that he had longer felt the need to live, and yes, she still remembers the tragedy that had forever taken a tool on her. If only she had not been this selfish to understand that the only thing her brother wished for was to be loved.

And had she given him the love he deserved? No, never. Had he given her the love she needed? Had he given her comfort? …she was too afraid to answer such questions and she hated herself for it. She was a coward, yet she never admitted it. She had always believed that being her father’s obedient daughter had been the expectation of every royal daughter of the Pharaoh, or this is what her mother had always told her. She till this day remembers her mother’s words: ‘A woman should be obedient, graceful and prosperital. She should accept such faith of bearing children for her husband. Never be disobedient or tardy towards your father or husband. It is improper.’

Perhaps to mother it seemed that a woman should be obedient, yet, perhaps from her perspective she had not been forced to bear a child for her father or withstand a loss of a newborn child. No, she certainly would have not understood.

Ankhesenamun sighed again, as she took out a small blade that she had hidden underneath her pillow. She looked at the blade and bit her lip, gently dragging the blade across her skin, drawing blood from the soon visible scars. It had become a habit of her’s. She had been self harming a few months ago, after she lost her brother. She needed to fill the empty gap left in her heart, and thus this small little blade that gives her scars on her body is her only closure.

She looked at her arms, feeling disgusted at the sight of blood on her pale arms as the scars have became more visible, and although this pain was not deep enough then mental pain, it was her revival.

She remembers seeing scars on her brother’s arms when they would sleep together whenever nightmares would plague her. Those deep deep scars had always burned memories in her mind.

Although she never understood why had he harmed himself, now she does… it is because psychical pain was his only way of not losing his sanity that would ultimately lead him to his death.

EGYPT, AKHETATEN, YEAR 1352BC

It had only been a year since the brutal demise of their father, the hated man, the criminal of Egypt’s society; Akhenaten.

Ankhesenamun was lying in bed, crying herself to sleep for the past few hours, although she knew that she should not cry, and she still did. Why? She could not explain. Perhaps it had been the daughter instinct to grief over a father that gave you life. She pondered for a moment. Would he have grieved for her if she had passed away? … No, he wouldn’t have.

“Do you grieve for him?” She heard a voice behind her asking her a question she would not have the answer to. She shook her head. “No. And would he have grieved for me? Again, never.”

She heard a heavy sigh. “I will not ask you to forgive father, as I cannot forgive him myself. He was never in my life as a father, as a friend. I cannot grieve him, knowing how he ruined our lives.”

“Meriasankhaten?” She asked her young sister who glanced at her.

“Promise me that Tutankhamun will never grieve over the death of our father. He too had suffered because of father. I know that he has faith in you, as he no longer does for me.”

“I cannot promise such, Ankhesenpaaten, however, Tutankhaten may not care of much to grieve father. He is still grieving our late mother.”

Ankhesenamun sighed. “I do hope that we shall find peace once we will bring our religion back to our people.”

PRESENT DAY, NORTH PALACE IN THEBES

Ankhesenamun pursed her lips together, thinking about the past. She still remembers the promise Meriasankhaten once given to her, and yet her own life was cut short. She had only been sixteen years of age upon her death in a tragic chariot collision. She knew that her death had taken a deep toll on Tutankhamun, and she had been there to support him, yet he always wished to be left alone.

She was soon ripped from her thoughts when a terrified guard ushered to her. “My Grace!” He cried out.

“What is the matter, Horherus? Please do tell me! You have become awfully peaceful…” Ankhesenamun asked him worryingly.

Ankhesenamun could feel her heart freeze in terror as the guard did not speak a word. She could have told that he was petrified of what he had witnessed. “Forgive me, My Lady, but I cannot sleep or dream further upon my life of what I have witnessed!” With that the guard ushered out of her bedchambers, as Ankhesenamun followed him suit.

However, she stopped dead in her tracks when the guard was hanging of a balcony in the chambers that once belonged to Tutankhamun. Ankhesenamun stood there frozen in horror of what she witnessed, as she could not speak a single word. Soon she felt another presence in the room.

“It is sad to see a man dying in a witness of a murder act…” She heard a low mumble, but the voice seemed too familiar to her.

She slowly turned around as her eyes widened in horror or perhaps relief when she saw her beloved little brother, but upon seeing a blade covered in blood, she felt a knot in her stomach as fear evaded her. Had her brother be the one who had been responsible for the mass murders?

She swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. “Tutankhamun, is it you, my brother?”

He looked at her with such pity and anger filled in the voyage of his dark eyes. A smirked curled upon his lips, as Ankhesenamun felt another painful knot in her stomach. “Yes, Ankhesenamun, it is me, sister. I have to say you are tempting me with scars that had found its way upon your body, as blood is dripping down your body.”

She was horrified and began to shake violently. She could have not moved a muscle, and all she could have done was to cry in agony. She was all alone. She knew that Bekmet will not be in time to save her from the death hands of her own brother.

“Is this is the faith the Gods have forsaken upon me?” Ankhesenamun asked tiredly. “To die from the hands of my own brother?”

She could feel heavy breathing followed by a few anguished sobs. Had this been her death? Had this been the ending of her tragic life? If so, then shall it be.

Soon she found herself in the bosom of her brother who held her tightly, as though he did not want to let her go. Upon better lighting, Ankhesenamun felt that she was going to vomit. Her brother’s body had terribly decapitated, as bones were visible through his tarnished skin. She felt like she was going to cry again as she could not bear to witness what pain her brother have been going trough. He did not deserve this.

“Am I am monster to you, Ankhesenamun? Am I a beast that haunts you in your dreams? Am I the one you wish to escape from?”

“Oh, Little One.” Ankhesenamun sighed. “You are my brother. We share the same blood that had been poisoned by our father’s greed and desires to be respected above all Gods. We are both forbidden fruit that should have never seen the light. You and I, we are too much alike.”

She looked upon her brother’s eyes. He had looked so tired and sad, and it was too late to heal him and his broken soul. “That is correct. I should have not been born.”

“Why have you carried such burden in your heart, brother? Had you lost faith in me those twelve years ago? Please tell me, Tutankhamun. I beg you.” Ankhesenamun begged him.

“I had always carried such burden in my heart because nobody had cared about my pain. You had never been an exception, Ankhesenamun. You were the same as them. You were never different.”

Ankhesenamun could feel her heart ache, as she revealed her old scars to him. Tutankhamun did not say a word, but he hugged her tightly, as she cried in his bosom.

“You were never alone, Tutankhamun. We both have always carried a heavy burden in our hearts. I too wished to never be born. I knew my father had been disappointed that I had been a daughter he had never wished for. I knew that someday he shall find a use of me. I knew my faith from the day I was born. To be an obedient daughter, and if father will wish for me to bear him a child, so then it be.”

Tutankhamun held her hands gently. “You never deserved such, Ankhesenamun. It had always killed me to know what you had been trough and I could have done nothing to protect you.”

“No, don’t say such words, brother.” Ankhesenamun said. “I pushed you away when you were there to support me trough such a difficult period in my life. You wished for me to be happy and feel loved, and yet I never appreciated such kind behavior from you. I hope you will have it in your heart to forgive me.”

Tutankhamun sighed, feeling irritated. “No! I should have been there for you! I should have known that you were as stubborn as your mother was! I should have been there to support you! Do you believe I had forgotten that tragic accident that I witnessed with my own eyes?! How could I forget seeing you crying as father had been forcing himself upon you?!”

EGYPT, TEL EL ARMANA, YEAR 1346 BC

“Father please, I beg you!” Ankhesenamun cried out as her father had ripped of her gown. “I have not yet reached the age of maturity to bear a child for you! Please father, let me be!”

However, her father had not heard her pleading cried as proceeded to force himself upon her, yet, terrified screams echoed around the room. Akhenaten whirled around to see his five year old son standing there with wide eyes and paled face.

“Papa, what have you done to my sister?” Tutankhamun cried out, as he began to sob violently. Ankhesenamun began to sob, as she begged for father to let her be, yet, even though he knew that his son was witnessing such a tragic scene, he proceeded upon with his actions.

“PAPA! PLEASE STOP!” Tutankhamun cried out and rushed to his sister’s aid, but stumbled upon the torn clothing pieces and fell from the high point of the palace.

PRESENT DAY, NORTH PALACE IN THEBES

“You became unrecognizable that day. I still remember seeing your limp little body covered in blood. I was so afraid that you were going to leave me all alone. I am so sorry that this had happened because of me, Tamun.”

Tutankhamun took a deep breath. “It had happened because I was too naïve to understand father’s true intentions during his daily visits to your bed chambers. If I had known his true intentions, I would have prevented him from using you for his greedy needs.”

Ankhesenamun’s face paled. “You were too young to stand up against father, Tutankhamun. Smenkhkare, and may he rest in peace, blamed himself for not returning home that night, as he believed that he could have saved me. He was over plagued with guilt that he chose to take his own life three years after he had learnt the truth.”

Vivid images of his elder brother began to take on Tutankhamun’s mind. He had always remembered Smenkhkare’s bright smile and bold personality. He had been such a kind and dedicated brother and son. He was the firstborn child of their father, and the love of his life, Kiya. And as long as he can remember, he had envied Smenkhkare, wishing to be like him, and yet he was never the beautiful, head strong, wise boy with a silent certainty.

“You had not acknowledged my attempts to give you immense support, Ankhesenamun. I always worked hard to know that you will turn to me and talk to me as though you did trust me, but you never did. You had always turned to Smenkhkare, believing that he was mature, sophisticated and wise enough to give you the support you needed.”

“Tutankhamun… you know that that is not true.” Ankhesenamun said, clutching her heart. “You were too little to understand the consequences of father’s actions as you always took his side. I would have never blamed you for such.”

“Silence!” Tutankhamun hissed at her. “You do not know the pain I went through when father and mother had always spoken about Smenkhkare, but they never spoke about me. They never took interest in my passions, hobbies or beliefs. It had always been about Smenkhare. I constantly lived in his shadows for too damn long!”

Ankhesenamun felt her heart shatter at the words her brother spoke. “Tutankhamun, what are you talking about? Father and mother had loved you just as much as Smenkhkare! I know that father may have been more ignorant of you, but it did not mean that he did not love you. Father always spoke greatly about you!”

“Lies! Father hated my guts! He had never once acknowledged me! I know that he spoke proudly of Meriasankhaten, but never about me! If it had been his and mother’s choice, they would have wished that I would have never been born, but you were too self-centered and obsessed with Smenkhkare that you did not notice the pain I went through!”

Ankhesenamun felt her heart freeze in guilt. Had she truly been too ignorant to notice the pain her brother had went through?

“I see you are lost of words. I had always thought better of you, Ankhesenamun. I am disappointed to know that I was never loved by any of you, and I am so tired of holding my emotions, burdens and demons locked up in my heart.”

He looked at the setting sun before looking back at his sister. “If you love me enough to keep me from ending my life, then you will follow me as I destine far into the deeps of the deserts to the rocky hills of where I attempted to take my life.”

Ankhesenamun could have not spoken a word before Tutankhamun spun around and ran out of the palace. Ankhesenamun was too shocked by his words, but knew she had to remain level headed. She needed to save her little brother. She cannot allow him to die. She would never forgive herself.

As she had reached the country yard after running around endless halls and trying to prevent herself from passing out after seeing bodies of servants, guards and their advisors scattered around the rooms. Their skin was ripped of their bodies, as blood was feeded out of their wounds. Their eyes had been ripped out, as wide smiles were carved on their faces. She could have not believed that she had not heard their anguished cries, but perhaps they had been dragged out somewhere in the dark corners, not realizing they would meet their brutal ends.

She ran as fast as her legs could have carried her, but it was no easy task, as the blazing sun burned her skin, in particular her wounds. She would hiss from the immense pain, but knew that she had to carry on.

Soon, she found herself caught in immense fog as the sound of ticking blood reached her ears. She knew that her brother had been near, and she still has hoped to save him.

As she looked around the fog, her mind grew heavy, as her vision blurred. She became too tired. She felt vulnerable and weak, and soon she began coughing violently as tears rolled down her cheeks. This cannot happen. Tutankhamun is relying on her to reach out to him and tell him that she shall never let him be alone, but her body would not allow her to carry on.

“Tutankhamun, please! Do not do this to yourself!” Ankhesenamun begged him.

“Forgive me, Ankhesenamun. I was not strong enough to fight my inner demons. They won the battle. I am too tired to live, and I realized that the only way to defeat the demons lurking in my mind is for me to die. Remember that I will always love you.”

“Tutankhamun, please no!” Ankhesenamun cried out.

However, she was too late. Tutankhamun jumped of the cliff to his ultimate death as the Nile River welcomed his body as a sacrifice to save his beloved sister. There was no return back. Tutankhamun had met his end.

“No! No! Please tell me this is not true! Please! I couldn’t have lost my brother!” Ankhesenamun cried.

Soon darkness evaded her soul and mind, as she found herself drifting to slumber.

EGYPT, CURRENT CAPITAL MEMPHIS, YEAR 1362BC

“Please Tutankhamun! I beg you! Do not leave me!” Ankhesenamun cried out, as tears rolled down her cheeks, as her breathing became heavier and heavier, until she began gasping for air to breathe.

As soon as she began coughing violently, she flustered her eyes open, to only see the darkness evading her. Her vision was too blurry and yet the image of her brother kept haunting her. “Why didn’t you save me, Ankhesenamun?” She could always hear him whisper such words into her ear, and it became too much for her to bear.

She knew that she can no longer stand another night of dreaming of her beloved brother pleading for her to save him; she cannot stand to see his dreadful image haunting her every night for the past three years.

She can no longer stand to hold her emotions bottled up.

She got out of bed and glanced upon the early night sky. She sighed sadly. This is the day she will leave this world behind. Although she had been young and had her life ahead of her, she was too tired to fight with her nightmares that keep her awake. If her brother had not lived, why should she?

She looked back upon her bed chambers, before glancing back at the pale moon, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Forgive me, but I cannot live in this world, knowing that I had already lost so much in my life. There is no purpose to live. I am all alone. I was betrayed and broken. I cannot stand to face the man that brought me so much pain.”

Soon Ankhesenamun found herself closing into the darkness, as she will now close her eyes for eternity.

EGYPT, THEBES, YEAR 1998

I cannot believe that I have returned here when I thought I left everything behind.

I have found myself being reborn into a young body of a little girl who had grown into a beautiful young woman. She had truly been a splendid image of myself when I had been alive.

Although, she truly is happy, I can tell that the demons that had once lurked in my soul, had lurked in her’s too, and sadly enough, I never escaped from them, but I carry on the hope that the woman I had been reborn  into will not suffer the same tragic faith I had suffered.

“Elizabeth Carter, you will be late for your presentation at the University of Cairo. I hope you are looking eligible enough!” I could not help but to chuckle at the words of my mother.

I glanced in the mirror. I was nervous and yet excited at the same time.

“Do not fret, Elizabeth. You are ready to tell the world your real story.”

Perhaps that may be the end of my story, or maybe it is only the beginning. Osyris had given me the blessing of living once again. Although I may no longer name myself as Ankhesenamun, but my soul will always be that of my true self.

I hope that someday I will meet my brother again. I pray every single day that he too had been given a chance to live a life he deserved. He deserved such a chance more than I did, but if the Gods willed it for me, I had to accept it.

As I looked through the window, I smiled. “I hope that our paths will cross again someday, brother.”

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SELF HARMING, SUICIDE OR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!