Starless night

Elise had never felt quite as lonely as she had on that night. The darkness surrounded her, with only the light of a small diner to fill the street. But in that diner held her salvation.

Starless nights are the loneliest nights there are. The inky black of the sky stretches out into eternity, with only the mood for light. There are no constellations to look at, no brightly burning stars to make you gaze in awe at the universe. It becomes easy to lose yourself in the darkness of those nights. Thoughts drift to places they shouldn’t, and suddenly everything seems not as shiny as it did during the day.  Starless nights make you contemplate your existence.

 

Elise was not a lonely person. In fact, she had many friends and a loving family waiting for her at home. But there was something about that night, that starless, black night, that made a loneliness like she had never felt curl up inside her. Deep in the pit of her stomach, she felt it growing, rising until it had wrapped its cold tendrils around her heart. She tried to deny it, but as she made her way slowly through the darkness there was no denying what she felt. She was lonely. More than that, she felt in that moment like she had never known true friendship in her life.

 

The air around her felt thick as she moved, like she was fighting through a pool of molasses. It pulled at her skin, dragged at her legs, and filled her lungs. She hadn’t even realized she had stopped moving until she noticed the neon red glow of the diner across the street.

 

She had passed that diner every night since she had begun working downtown two years ago, but Elise had never actually stopped to look at it before. Slowly she sank to the curb, still feeling the thick air around her. She studied the diner. Large windows dominated the front, spilling light onto the street and letting passersby see the magnificence of the interior. Really, it was not much different from any Retro diner, with its checkered floors, bright red color scheme, and jukebox, but to Elise it looked like a different world. All the patrons were happy, the waiters were laughing, and the whole place seemed to glow with heavenly light. And in the center of it all was her. An angel.

 

Those cold tendrils squeezed once more on her heart.

 

Elise had seen that woman in the bookshop where she worked many times. With a smile on her face and a coffee in hand, she came in every Monday to visit the owner and talk with her about new books. They would talk for hours, until finally the owner, a sweet old woman, would go into her office and give the woman a book she had saved just for her. The woman, new book in hand and a twinkle in her eye, would then go to Elise to pay. She would smile, and that was all it would take for Elise to blush, never quite able to meet her gaze after she felt her checks flush. Friendly didn’t even begin to describe the woman. She radiated warmth and peace. If home was a sound, it was her voice, so smooth and rich. And her smile. Oh, her smile. She could brighten the entire store with just that beautiful smile.

 

Elise longed to ask her for her number, but every Monday, without fail, the sight of the woman and her smile and her heavenly aura sucked away all her courage. In those moments too, she could feel those tendrils reaching for her heart.

 

Slowly, as if overcome by some otherworldly force, Elise rose and walked towards the diner. She had never been in before; she didn’t even know that’s where the woman worked. But on that night, she knew what she had to do.

 

The glass door swung open easily, and the sound of the jukebox shattered the silence of that starless night, and with it the spell that had overtaken Elise. But she was inside, and she knew there was no turning back. Even inside, the air clawed at her skin and slowed her down, but she made her way to a bright red booth and slid in. The light of the diner seemed even brighter than before, and though she knew it wasn’t true, she felt as if everyone could see the loneliness that had wrapped around her veins.

 

Then before she knew it, the Angel was there, recognition gleaming in her eyes. Her dark black skin seemed to glow in the bright lights, and her curls framed her head like a halo. Elise couldn’t keep her eyes on such beauty for long, and her eyes dropped to her nametag. Diana. The woman’s name was Diana. It fit. The name of a princess.

 

The second Diana spoke, it was as if all of those evil wisps inside her vanished. Elise realized, in that moment, something she had secretly known since she first laid eyes on that stunning woman who had walked into the bookstore two years ago: She wanted Diana to be her future. She wanted to see her smile every day, and hear that rich voice every morning when she woke up. She wanted to hold her hand, and walk with her through the streets of their city. She wanted to hold her, and press those wonderful lips against her own. Her mind was begging her to confess it all, to let all her love flow out and tell the woman she wanted exactly how she felt.

 

But all she did was order pancakes.

 

When Diana came back with her food, her heart lurched. She wanted to do something, anything to get her to stay just a little longer. So, Elise brought up the store, and her weekly visits. Diana’s eyes shined when she brought it up. She explained how the owner was her grandmother’s old lover, though it had been in secret. Though her own grandmother had passed, she still visited her every week because she had been such an important figure in her childhood. The book was a tradition, something they had done since Diana had been a little girl. She would read a new one every week, and tell the owner all about it. She loved hearing Diana’s descriptions.

 

Diana paused, and a devilish grin crossed her angelic face. Leaning in close, she revealed one last thing before she walked away to help another customer. Although she loved seeing her childhood idol, her favorite part of the visit was getting to see Elise.

 

Elise couldn’t help the flush that overtook her face, and although Diana had already turned away, she was sure that Diana knew what she had done. Elise’s body was overcome with a warmth she had never known before. Home, and the future she wanted with the girl she had pined over for so long suddenly seemed within her grasp. All she had to do was take it.

 

Food already forgotten, Elise watched as Diana moved about the diner. Grace filled her every action, and even from across the room Elise could feel that aura of peace that she exuded. She longed to call her over, just to hear that sweet voice once more and see those magnificent eyes. But she waited. She wanted to soak in how she felt in that moment, in case it was all some sweet dream. She wanted to remember this night, and she wanted it to last forever.

 

Finally, Diana returned to her table, and without a word slid Elise the receipt before turning away once again. There, written on the bottom in perfect handwriting, was a phone number. Smiling, Elise gazed out at the jet-black night sky. Perhaps starless nights aren’t so lonely after all.

Author's Note

Photo is a painting called nighthawks by Edward Hopper and was part of my inspiration for this piece