To My Father, With Empathy

Bleh

I am sorry,

For the days you stood before me, but were never really there"days that were so long, and left bruises. For the rainy days, when you let me stand"all alone. I feel sorry for those days when you did not know my face, or my name, just that you wanted to break me. For the times you couldn’t, wouldn’t didn’t, wipe away my tears"and could not feel how small I was.

I am sorry,

For the endless seconds that choked me with fear that which you’d so effortlessly instilled"in the name of discipline. For those memories of your smiles vanishing in the wake of your rage. I feel sorry for those days when I was never enough, and you made me watch you, as you broke the only things I held dear"my family. 

I am sorry,

For the countless times you shunned me. When you pointed out my imperfections, and told me I’d never succeed. Those days that made hardened me, and blinded me this beauty"that today I see, so freely surrounds me. For the days when you made me so angry, I wanted to cry, scream, and could do neither. I feel sorry that you could never love me, like you should. Like they all do. Was I so bad?

I am sorry,

For the all the years that I let my anger consume me"oh, how I hated you. For years I have been but a stone. I feel sorry for hurting those I love on days when I couldn’t stand the thought of you. For the years of bottled-anguish, after you’d lost it all"us all. 

I am sorry,

That you will never know what you have lost. You will never understand what could have been, and what will never be. You haven’t the slightest clue, how wrong you were. I feel so sorry that you could not mend even your own ways, but thought you were mending ours"when you locked us up in closets and threw away the keys.

I am sorry,

That you will not be able to enjoy your own defeat. You will never hold me and love me, and see what I have accomplished all on my own. You can never know how wrong I’ve proved you to be. And, I feel so sorry that you won’t ever know how alone you really are. I am sorry that you will not know how that rage inside me you fueled, drove me success.

I am sorry, for you.

But, today, this anger has left me. Today, this fog is starting to clear, and I am taking my first steps into a world that is foreign to me. I wish you were here to wish me well, and be proud. But you will never know… This rage inside of me has broken, and I can breathe.

Today, I am free of you.

And I think one day,

I will perhaps forgive you.

But right now,

I can only give you sympathy.

For now…

I will simply inhale my freedom,

And perhaps for the first time,

In a long time,

Be at peace, 

With myself. 

Author's Note

Let Me Know...It's a rather personal piece I must say.

Reviews

[Luke L]

Lovely honest piece, great writing! Keep it up!

[Adora.xo]

Thank you kindly!

[Fuzzy_Poluzah]

I am extremely unsure of how to respond. Beautiful none the less.

~ Fuzzy

[Anne Timmins]

It´s captivating, and filled with passion.

[Adora.xo]

Thank you ^^

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

I wish, in my heart-of-hearts, that this was only your vivid imagination and boundless creativity coming to the fore. But, alas, I fear that is not the case. I wonder what you might say, how you might feel if you knew that your father, if not now then at some point in some existence will think of you and know great remorse. The person, the you of whom is written here, has suffered greatly but has achieved the one thing that is priceless beyond measure - forgiveness of others and of self. It is said that this opens the door for the higher forms of self to evolve in ways that will be most pleasing; to the self and to others that will come to know it. There is a love that passes all comprehension. I think you are well on your well toward it.

[Adora.xo]

I do wish it was but creativity that brought this piece forth but it was in fact, a series of unfortunate events, and a few years of certain emotions that brought me to this. I'm glad you enjoyed the piece, and thank you very much for your words, and thoughts! I appreciate it :]

~Adora

[Pax]

your really are a good person despite everything that happened. Its a heartfelt piece i enjoyed and felt your sadness and freedom. emotionally great. well done.

[Adora.xo]

Thank you Muchly

[MIB]

That was an emotional piece, I'm sorry you felt that way... I have three daughters myself and I do my best to praise each one for their achievements... I was actually at the children's school this week for end of year achievements... my middle daughter is 9 she got a medal for scoring the most goals in football games out of all the girls in her year... My oldest daughter is 10, she got a medal for trying the hardest at sports day but not winning anything... and my youngest is 6 and she got a certificate for completing her second year in primary... each one was different but they all got lots of encouragement for their great work.... If the above work is personal about you... let me just say to you, YOU have amazing work, and I'm positive lots of other people believe so too... your very talented and thank you for sharing :D

[MOON]

Poignant emotional write , children should be protected too often they not. Some people teach us how not to be.

[ShadowWalker]

I can totally relate to this...it's very powerful and certainly has a dark aspect to it......i only wish i had dealt with my father using my creativity instead i employed his method of violence....... i think even posting this is a sign of immense bravery and for that alone you are my new hero :) very nice work