Not Real Pt. One

Beginning of a short supernatural horror story. Wanted some feedback before I continued writing.

“There is no way this is real,” Anna scoffed at the television screen. Sophia sighed.

“What are you going on about again?” This was the general nightly routine. They would sit down, scrutinize supernatural reality shows, and drink as much wine as they could fit in a glass. Anna clearly had more than enough, and Sophia was tiring of her over-analysis of the show that was on now. One person can only take but so much.

“It’s just clearly fake,” Anna continued. Her eyes were lit with what could only be described as flustered. Her rosy cheeks indicated her intoxication. “Is it not obvious? All of the audio ‘evidence’ is made up of studio effects, and the host's voices. The video records are edited. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that.” Anna grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed a piece in her mouth.

“Can’t you just enjoy the show? Even if it’s fake, it’s decent entertainment.” Sophia replied before munching on some popcorn. It was true, that, on screen, the effects looked really fake. It was all in good fun right? It got Sophia thinking.

“Do you believe in spirits? I mean, do you think stuff like this really happens?” Sophia looked a little pale at the thought. Watching the supernatural on television was easy; it wasn’t hard to brush it off as fake, but real spirits? To Sophia, that was horrifying. Anna, however, laughed.

“Don’t be a scaredy-cat. Of course it isn’t real. It’s all just glammed up special effects to entertain brainless people. Gotta get those ratings!” Anna finished off the last of popcorn, and guzzled down the rest of her wine cup. “I think it’s time for me to head off to bed.” she stated as she stood up and turned off the television.

“Agreed,” Sophia nodded. She stood up and put the wine glasses in the sink, and then slowly started to shuffle to her room. She was feeling a bit hazy; perhaps she had too much wine. “Goodnight Anna.” she said, before slipping into her room. She couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy regarding the conversation she had with her roommate. Surely, ghosts didn’t exist. Spirits didn’t exist. Sophia shook her head before climbing into bed. “Stop being so silly, Sophie. They’re not real.” she muttered to herself, before drifting to sleep.

It wasn’t until right after three in the morning that she woke up in a cold sweat. Her room was all dark, despite that there was normally a light coming from the alarm clock on the end table.

“Was there a power surge?” she asked herself as she reached over for her cellphone. She quickly turned on the flashlight and pointed it around the room. The hall light was shining under the door, and she heard noise coming from the kitchen. Climbing out of bed, Sophia slowly crept to the door and opened it up a little. She peeked her head out of the door and saw a dark figure opening and closing various cabinets, as if it was looking for something. She called out towards the figure in a sharp whisper.

“Anna! What are you doing? It’s late.” There was a roar, and suddenly, in an instant, Sophia felt a wave of terror as her back hit the wall and her door slammed shut. A hundred thoughts were going through her head. "Who was that? What was that?" However, one question stood out among the rest: "Was it real?"

“What the hell is all this racket in here?” came Anna’s voice, loud and clear. Sophia quickly scrambled to her feet. 

“Racket? You scared the hell out of me!” Sophia shouted, instantly disgruntled and irritated. “Why were you rummaging about in the kitchen?”

“What are you talking about? I was in bed.” Anna snapped, getting defensive. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Sophia immediately digressed.

“Maybe I just imagined it… I could have swore I saw something in the kitchen.” Sophia looked down at her hands and muttered a quick apology to her roommate. Anna unfolded her arms and began to inch out the door.

“Get some rest, we both have work tomorrow.” she muttered softly. She pulled the door shut, and her footsteps could be heard retreating to her room. Sophia rolled over in her bed and pulled the covers up. She wasn’t imagining it. She knew she saw something. She considered the possibility that her mind was playing tricks on her. Perhaps she was just spooked from watching the show earlier. Whatever the case may be, she hoped it didn’t happen again, because for once, she truly felt frightened.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism please. Is this a premise you'd like to continue to read? Should I scrap the idea? What can be improved?

Reviews

[Jessica Jaufmann]

I enjoyed the story up until this point:
"The figure whipped around and quickly shut the cabinets. There was a roar, and Sophia was pushed back; her door slammed behind her. She let out a small yelp and retreated to the bed, where she threw the covers over her head. Suddenly, her door burst open."
Since this is the climax of the story, the reader needs to see the action rather than you just telling us what's happening. This is also known as "show don't tell." Rather than, "this did this and that did that", try to describe the emotions your characters are feelings. Give us characteristics of the room and how it changes or doesn't change due to the environment and action. You're a good writer and this story just needs some fine tuning and I'm looking forward to reading more about Anna and Sophia.

[Xylo]

I really appreciate the kind words. I want this to become an ongoing series. I wrote this rather quickly, simply because the idea was fresh in my mind and I wanted to get it down. I will take your advice into consideration for part two. :)

[PWyates]

I agree that it's not perfect, but nothing is. Definitely compelled me to read up til the end; good job keeping my jumping attention.